Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Not a Victim

You are not a victim.

How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings of victimization.

Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to us!

Got a new car? Yes, we sigh, but it doesn't run as well as I expected, and after all, it cost so much. . . .

You've got such a nice family! Yes, we sigh, but there are problems. And we've had such hard times. . . .

Well, your career certainly is going well! Ah, we sigh, but there is such a price to pay for success. All that extra paperwork. . . .

I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.

Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life taking our blows.

Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind.

We are not victims. We may have been victimized. We may have allowed ourselves to be victimized. We may have sought out, created, or re created situations that victimized us. But we are not victims.

We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.

We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.

Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!

And learn to enjoy what's good.

Today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak, or act like a victim. Instead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what's good and right in my life.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

I was a victim when I lived in the problem, his addiction. I became a survivor when I began living in the solution, MY recovery.

And that has made all the difference in my life today.

Hugs

breakingfree88

Thank you, Ann! What a beautiful and inspiring start to my beautiful Wed. morning!

neecey1224

I grew up in a home where, although there was no addiction, there was verbal/emotional abuse, and my mother was/is the eternal victim/martyr. Through my therapy/recovery/healing, I am learning to recognize this learned behavior in myself, and how it has contributed to a lifetime of emotional unhealthiness and the decisions that come along with it. I am learning to break the cycle, live in my power, and learning that I am free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility. I loved that language from your post, Ann. Thanks so much.

gotahavfaith

Thank you Ann. That was a great reminder for me. I feel so much better now that I have taken responsibility for my part of an ugly situation. I may have been victimized, but it really feels great and I feel good for not taking it anymore.

Gotahavfaith

leznew

that was great.........