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just my pity party/meltdown

Old 09-29-2009, 01:49 PM
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just my pity party/meltdown

Feel like meltdown coming. I try to keep positive, I try to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward, I just don't know what is ahead.

The last few weeks, I find myself wanting to cry, having to hold back the tears. Thoughts are jumbled in my head and I can't sort any of it out.

I worry about everything, can't decide what to do. Kind of making myself crazy. Keep feeling that I have to hold it together. I have to work everyday, I have to do all the things I have to do. Feeling overwhelmed with it all. I feel behind on everything, and don't know how I can every catch up. The house is too big, the yard is too big. The problems are too big! Just can't keep up with it. So much is driving me nuts right now.

I am probably really not dealing with the real problems anyway, just kidding myself, that I am, or thought I was.

I try to keep busy, doing things, trying to keep my mind off the finances, the problems, whatever. It is just not working.

I have so many feelings I have pent up for so long, I don't know what to do with them. I have to stop because I am crying, and I can't cry right now, I will have to see real people in about 45 minutes, and don't want to look like I've been crying.

I know it's my fault because I have ALLOWED my life to get like this. I know it it up to me to change it.
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Old 09-29-2009, 02:15 PM
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4 Easy Steps to Control Your Emotions

4 Easy Steps to Control Your Emotions and Your Thoughts

Our emotions are something that we would all like to have a bit of control over. One minute we can be happy and feel like the world is perfect, the next we can get agitated by the smallest thing and get overloaded with angry feelings.

Despite the fact that our emotions are often random and seemingly hard to control, there are some simple yet highly effective techniques so that you can control them and literally choose your own emotions. The following four steps in this article are going to help you do just that.

1. Focus on the Present Moment

The buddha is said to have been in a constant state of presence, and that's actually why he got the named 'buddha' which loosely means: the awakened one. While living in the moment in a practice that spans from the east and zen-like teachings, it can still be very effective in modern, western society.

I'm sure you can think of some problems in your life, and I actually want you to do that right now. Think of something you would love to fix, something you think is a real issue. The problem with this line of thinking is that we project negative images of the future, and let our past control what is right now. This very moment, this very second, there are no problems in your life. There might be in 5 minutes, there might have been yesterday, but not this very second.

Once you grasp this, you also need to understand that life is always this very second, and it is this moment where your attention should be focused.

2. Monitor Your Thoughts

When I first heard the idea of monitoring our thoughts I thought it was a little crazy. After-all, we are our thoughts, right? Wrong! It is actually very possible to monitor your thoughts, and with a bit of practice you'll realise that our minds are constantly full of negativity, projecting it in the future and thinking about the bad side of every situation.

As a little exercise, see if you can catch the next thought that comes in your head. Close your eyes, relax and watch it for it. You'll notice that it takes a while for a thought to come, even though it is said we are bombarded with 65,000 of them every single day.

Now let me ask you this: if you noticed the thought, which are you? The 'thing' that noticed the thought, or the thought itself? You aren't both. See if you can monitor your thoughts throughout the day and you'll notice some amazing results.

3. Realise Every Situation is Neutral

This will be hard to grasp, but if you monitor your thoughts successfully in part 2, try and notice your resistance to some of the things I am saying. A child being hit by a car is completely neutral, it is what it is. Of course, nobody in their right mind would think of it as a good thing or be happy that it did, but in an overview of the world it is no different to a ant being frazzled by a little boy with a magnifying glass.

Every single situation in this world is neutral, and you can either see it like that, or even put a positive or negative twist on it. You'll find that we tend to think negatively of things most of the time, see if you can be aware of this and either just accept things for what they are or see everything as a positive light.

If the girl getting hit by a car is negative, what is it if that car crash let's doctors become aware of a tumour inside of her that they can treat, but otherwise would not have known about. Is that car crash still negative?

4. Learn to Regain Control of Your Mind

Without practice, we actually have little control of our minds. In fact, we have so little control of our thoughts (which lead to emotions) that we often think that we are our minds. There are two techniques I like to use to regain control of my mind, which allows me to be much more conscious in my living, and much more able to choose to feel positive emotions.

The first technique is meditation. Basically I will sit in a quiet room with my legs crossed and my hands on my lap, and focus on my breathing. Notice the rise and fall of your chest, hear and feel the oxygen flowing throughout your body. This will be difficult your first time and you'll quickly find yourself 'bored' and 'distracted', but with practice this will get a lot easier and you'll really enjoy doing it.

The second technique is giving an object your full attention. Pick up an object that is preferably very simple and doesn't have any text or words on it. You might choose a stapler, an eraser, a mug or even some glasses. Now, for 5 minutes, see if you can give this object your undivided attention. Don't think about it, don't judge it or label it, just spend five minutes giving it your full attention.

If you liked these four easy steps and would like to know more about each, check out this guide on how to control your emotions.
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Old 09-29-2009, 02:38 PM
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Wow! Hello-kitty,
Great post and great link. I was feeling much like wuzzled before I read your post. Those exercises, even the brief trial run I did, had a very centering effect.
Thank you for posting!!

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Old 09-29-2009, 02:41 PM
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Wuzzled,

Your post doesn't sound like a pity party to me. It sounds like ME last Friday before I ran away from home. Maybe you could run away from home too.

I know what you mean with too much house and too much yard and I live in the city!! I SERIOUSLY don't know how single women (or even married women) manage their lives AND take care of their children. I have a hard enough time keeping on top of myself and my life. I can't imagine parenting ... Everyone I know with kids is TIRED. Add an alcoholic or drug addict to that and what do you get? A Mom-shake? Wuzzled?

I have found in my past that when I cannot make decisions, or cannot make choices, I have clinical depression. I have found that when I keep moving, changing, doing, and I'm getting nowhere but exhausted, it is time to breathe, let go of the problems, and let things fall where they may. When I get like this my friend tells me to STOP reading self-help and addiction and alcoholism books and get out and do something fun. Maybe go out with some girlfriends.
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Old 09-29-2009, 07:57 PM
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Wuzzled, I was feeling that out of control and so-overwhelmed-I-had-no-clue-where-to-start feeling for weeks before plunging into a pretty severe major depressive episode. I'm not sure if anything specific has occurred in your life recently that would put you in this mindframe, but perhaps speaking with your doctor or getting an evaluation with a counselor may help? I know for me, I couldn't really focus on what I needed to do to get better until I had a little help getting myself to a point where I could again focus.

This may not be the case at all with you, but as I read your post, I just stepped back to that really dark point in my life again - it sounded so familiar. I know how quickly I started feeling better once I sought help and wished I hadn't waited so long.

I really like the suggestions Kitty posted and would also suggest that for that totally overwhelmed feeling, it sometimes helps to break it down into little pieces. I write out all the stuff that is making me feel out of control and overwhelmed. Once I do, I can usually decide what actually is important and what is just stuff that I can ditch...The process makes me realize the answer to "how important is it" is often "not very" and I can scratch it off my list. It also helps me realize that it isn't so insurmountable if I break it down to small pieces...For me, often a lot of my stress is because I feel so busy and nuts I can't figure out what it is I am supposed to be doing.

Many hugs - I hope you feel better soon and that you have a chance for that good cry...I find that comforting.
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Old 09-29-2009, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by wuzzled View Post

I just don't know what is ahead.
Who does?
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Old 09-30-2009, 08:50 AM
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In my experience, when I feel overwhelmed with feelings to the point that I can't think clearly anymore, which makes every responsibility I have in life seem totally overwhelming and unmanageable, its because I have avoided allowing myself to FEEL the feelings so that they can pass and I can move forward. And when I get to the point where I feel overwhelmed and foggy, its because I've avoided the feelings for so long, out of fear of facing them, that they are getting all backed up in me like a traffic jam.

I'm learning to face the feelings when they come, and let myself feel them so I can keep moving forward in my healing/recovery. If I feel like crying, I cry. If I'm sad, I let myself be sad. If I'm angry, I let myself be angry. If I have thoughts clouding up my mind, I get them out on paper (or on screen).

I used to tell myself, "I can't deal with this feeling right now, its not the right time for x, y, or z reason." But that just made the traffic jam worse and I was miserable.

Now I've decided that my personal emotional health and healing/recovery is more important to me than if people at work see if I've been crying. Its more important to me than what the neighbors think because I didn't get the lawn mowed because I was letting myself feel sadness as part of my healing process. Its more important to me than what a visitor might think because I didn't get to cleaning the bathroom because I was doing what is necessary to heal myself.

And another thing I've learned is that when I DO take the time to let myself feel the feelings when they come - which gets me to the other side faster - then its a huge weight off my shoulders and I have more peace and more energy and more motivation to tackle the things that were overwhelming me in the first place.

TO ME...(not saying its the same for anyone else)...its well worth it to take the time to feel the feelings and get THROUGH them so I can be free to keep moving forward. Just my humble opinion from my own personal experience.
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Old 09-30-2009, 09:36 AM
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wow, I think you wrote your post with me in mind. I say this so you don't feel alone.
I don't really have advice for you because I feel the same way. So thank you for posting so that I can follow the advice thats being given to you
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Old 09-30-2009, 10:43 AM
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And another thing I've learned is that when I DO take the time to let myself feel the feelings when they come - which gets me to the other side faster - then its a huge weight off my shoulders and I have more peace and more energy and more motivation to tackle the things that were overwhelming me in the first place
So key! For me, when the feelings are extreme sadness - it's flipping painful. I just want it to go away. It's SO hard to feel through it. However, it's very true that by feeling it - it goes away much faster.

On here I read... "you have to go through it to get through it". (not sure if it's thru or through)

Anywho- how you are feeling was me 2 Fridays ago. Not sure if it's the planet Mercury in retrograde or what - but you are certainly not alone- there are TONS of people out there who can relate. The COOL thing..... is that those who have been through it - GET through it....! Change is forever constant - if you can rest assured knowing that this will pass - it WILL get better.... that might help a bit? But avoiding and pushing it away only leaves toxic remains within ourselves.

Actually just looked it up..... and Mercury left retrograde YESTERDAY! Mercury was in retrograde starting September 7th - which meant lots of conversations in our heads and questioning ourselves.

I've noticed on SR that people who were going through detachment went from feeling strong to not so much. Call me crazy- but I blame it on Mercury retrograde!
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Old 09-30-2009, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by greeteachday View Post
I was feeling that out of control and so-overwhelmed-I-had-no-clue-where-to-start feeling for weeks before plunging into a pretty severe major depressive episode. I'm not sure if anything specific has occurred in your life recently that would put you in this mindframe, but perhaps speaking with your doctor or getting an evaluation with a counselor may help? I know for me, I couldn't really focus on what I needed to do to get better until I had a little help getting myself to a point where I could again focus.

This may not be the case at all with you, but as I read your post, I just stepped back to that really dark point in my life again - it sounded so familiar. I know how quickly I started feeling better once I sought help and wished I hadn't waited so long.

I really like the suggestions Kitty posted and would also suggest that for that totally overwhelmed feeling, it sometimes helps to break it down into little pieces. I write out all the stuff that is making me feel out of control and overwhelmed. Once I do, I can usually decide what actually is important and what is just stuff that I can ditch...The process makes me realize the answer to "how important is it" is often "not very" and I can scratch it off my list. It also helps me realize that it isn't so insurmountable if I break it down to small pieces...For me, often a lot of my stress is because I feel so busy and nuts I can't figure out what it is I am supposed to be doing.
I do worry that I am becoming depressed, I have tried so hard to keep from allowing myself to go there. I do have an appointment tomorrow with my doctor for my annual physical, but I also have some anxiety about it. This will be my first visit with my "new" doctor. My previous doctor I had for the past 25 years retired. I know I would be comfortable discussing all this with my "old" doctor, but am not sure I can with the "new" one, this being my first visit.

I should make that list and look at it with the "how important is it" attitude. I probably could scratch a lot off. Most of the things are probably really not that important, I am just letting them be bigger than they really are.

I am really missing my son that lives in NY, haven't seen him the last few years. I usually go there every summer, but haven't been able to afford to the past three years. Of course, I blame my husband for this!

Abundance, maybe it is all about mercury, I definitely have many conversations happening in my head, and am really questioning how I am feeling.

Avoiding and pushing away my feelings is toxic, and I know this. I think I just don't know how to deal with the feelings I am having, there just seem to be too many at one time right now. I am afraid if I let go, cry or whatever, I may not be able to pull myself back to reality.
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Old 09-30-2009, 01:07 PM
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Wuzzled, I am going through the same thing. Just about the time someone compliments me on being strong and making progress, I backslide into crazy, emotional draining, dizzying anxiety. I worry and fret and wring my hands and think up the craziest scenerios. I hate not knowing what my AH is doing or where he is but like a friend pointed out....say I find him....what do I do then? The answer is nothing. I do nothing. I can't control him or his addiction and I have to force myself to move out of the way. I always get in the way.

"Its so easy to get caught up in other peoples lives. Assuming we know what's best for them seems so natural. Many of us have excelled at being caretakers, buts it's time to back off and let your loved ones fend for themselves. That means letting them make their own decisions and live with their own consequences."

"We can't change other people. Certainly we have made other feel guilty enough so that they have give in and done things our way. And we have won many power struggles. But ultimately, we can't claim ownership of anyone else's mind, and we aren't the stewards of anyone else's life. We may feel diminished by our lack of control initially, but in time we will love the freedom of living only our own lives. The extra time we'll have and the peace we will know will comfort us."

"I will experience many moments of releif and peace when I let others be their own stewards"

Here's the irony - this hangs on my wall at work. My husband printed it off FOR ME from a Hazeldon e-mail. He wrote our names across it and dated it 5/29/09. He relapsed in July. A month later he was homeless. He is actively using and living on the streets. I read this out loud to myself every day after I pat myself on the back for making it to work at all when all I want to do is try to find him and confirm he's even alive.

This is hard stuff we are dealing with Wuzzled! It consumes us if we allow it to. Don't beat yourself up. I happen to have a great accountability team in place that I can call any time I'm feeling like I'm loosing my mind and want to go to the crack neighborhoods showing his picture or knocking on doors. I want to do these things even though I have a restraining order. Guess who goes to jail if I DO find him? That's right. Me. It's not worth it.
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Old 09-30-2009, 10:34 PM
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Do you have a friend - maybe someone from your meetings_ that would go with you to your appointment? Sometimes just having that moral support helps.

I know it is scary, and if you are clinically dperessed, the depression itself makes you feel incapable of doing anything about it. I wish I was near you - I'd be happy to go with you. If you could just tell your new doc the symptoms you have.- If you had flu symptoms you wouldn't feel embarassed, would you? I do understand, I hope you don't think I am bullying...it's just a shame that society views things like depression as a weakness when it's more like brain chemistry all shook up. Hugs, let us know how you make out okay?
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Old 09-30-2009, 10:53 PM
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sending hugs and prayers your way.
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