DRJMW

I have wanted to post but it has been hard the last 24 hours. My AH husband was in a dark place that he could not get out of. He took his life Saturday night. Words can not even express the guilt I feel. He felt he could not put me and our children through anymore. He is at peace now. I just wish I had done things differently. Did the restraining order push him in a darker whole. Did he feel I did not love him anymore. I wish I had not sent him away. Maybe in someway he would still be here with me. Why!! Why did you leave us. I never got a chance to say I still love you and it kills me that the last thing I said to him was a mean text. I just want to take it all back. I need him back. How could he think this was a better way for me and the boys. Please help me I don't know how to get past the guilt. I don't know I ever will.

CarolD

Prayers for comfort to you and your sons going out.
Yes it's a tragic time for everyone who loved him.

I'm so very sorry

Suspicious

please dont do this to yourself. you did not cause this.

sailorjohn

So sorry to hear of your loss, please don't blame yourself.

teke

I'M so sorry, i agree, please don't blame yourself. your intentions was only to help to save you AND him. being a ra, i believe addiction blinds the mind of an addict. i believe deep down, he knew you loved him and i believe he wouldn't want to feel guilt. i believe that he's at peace now.

i pray that your hp comfort and keep you and your kids in your time of sorrow.

Kimm992

So sorry for your loss.

I too just lost my mother last night and understand the feelings of guilt you're describing.

My last conversation with her 2 weeks ago was an angry one and I hung up on her.

I don't know what I can tell you other than I am sorry and I share your pain and you will be in my prayers.

Abundance

Please don't beat yourself up... those 3 C's... you can't control it, cause it, or cure it. You have NO ... ZERO control over his actions. He could have done it in your home.... this was not yours or your AH's will..... but God.

As you said .... he is at peace now.

I'm so sorry. I wish that I could be there to give you an embrace and let you know that this is not your fault... you have no control over him..... period. There is nothing that you could have done to change what has happened.

keep posting.... stay close to SR...

Done_With_It

Oh honey I am so sorry. My Mom lost her little brother also because he took his life. He was not an addict, but he left us all with so many unanswered questions. It's not your fault, nothing you did caused this, and there is nothing you could have done that would have saved him. Please believe that.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all at this time.

Kimm I am so sorry for your loss as well.....

IPT

I am so sorry... like the others have said please do not blame yourself for this. We cannot control others or their actions. I had fears my ex might do this and my therapist and I talked about it several times. I hope that when you are ready you will look for some outside help in order graps this. Again I am so sorry, I can only imagine what you must be feeling.

rose

Oh I am so sorry, my heart goes out to you and your children.

Please don't blame for anything you did for this sadness. You had to look after yourself and your children. You could not have done anything different to stop him. We all live in fear that our loved one is going to pass away from addiction.

The addiction had nothing to do with you nor did his passing. Again I am so sorry, please know that each and everyone of us is here for you night or day!

Rose

breakingfree88

I am so sorry that you and your boys are experiencing this. However, all the feelings you're having right now are a normal response to such a tragic event. Please take care of yourself by finding a caring and competent counselor that can help you heal your wounds in a constructive manner. My heart goes out to you. Please keep us updated.

cessy68

My heart goes out to you.

He knew he was loved............ addicts do things that we can never never understand.

My prayer for you tonight is that you find some peace... I pray that you get professional berevement counseling to better understand this extremely sensitive issue.

You did not cause this.

Life is something that most of us do not have answers to................ the bad and the good.

I truely, truely, feel so much for you.

Blessings,
love,
Cess

peaceteach

Talk with your minister if you have one, or seek one out, or a counselor. This is not a healthy place for you to be in, especially when you need to be focused on surviving and being there for your children. Would you want THEM to feel guilt for the actions of an A? You shouldn't either. I know this sounds harsh, but you need to remember that he did not think the way we think. He could have chosen getting clean. Instead, he chose to escape the reality that YOU have to stay alive in. Don't beat yourself up. You need strength and support for being strong in knowing what was right for your family. Please seek out a support system for survivors of suicide. I'm so sorry that YOU are having to go through this, and your children. Peace and hugs.

Seren

((((drj))))

lightseeker

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. This absolutely is not your fault at all. Deep down he knew that you loved him but I understand your feelings about what happened with the text. This is a great tragedy and I hope that love and support surrounds you and your boys.

imallright

My hugs, thoughts and prayers are with you. Please get the help and support that you need. Be kind to yourself.... you didn't cause this.

Callie

I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe you didn't tell him that you loved him recently, but he knew it. I believe that he can still hear you if you say it now. Please know that you didn't cause this. Addiction is a terrible thing and turns people into someone who they are not. Be gentle with yourself. Again, I'm so sorry. Please release the guilt that you feel because you DID NOT cause this.

cherrie1

I am so sorry for your loss. Please do not blame yourself I am sure you learned you could not control his addiction just as you could not control this. Try to take some comfort that he is at peace now. Addiction is a horrible disease and sadly sometimes it wins. You could not have stopped this, it was God's plan. Please seek some counseling so you can be strong for your boys. I will keep you in my prayers.

URMYEVERYTHING

You are and your family are in my prayers.

Please don't take ownership of his suicide. You couldn't have prevented it. You had no control over it. If you need to PM me, feel free to. I'm a therapist and I can help with finding resources in your area and/or over the net to help.

I'm recommending that you and the children partake in therapy ASAP to help cope with his loss.

Take Care and Big HUGS.

rayofsunshine

:praying

Adding my prayers for strength, comfort, peace and healing in the days ahead for YOU and your children. I'm so sorry for your loss.