My Mom Died Last Night

Old 09-24-2009, 08:53 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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i'm soo sorry - prayers and godspeed...

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Old 09-24-2009, 09:34 AM
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sorry for your loss,you are in my prayers.
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:48 AM
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so sorry...

Originally Posted by Kimm992 View Post

I wish someone could tell me what I'm supposed to feel like right now.
i am sssooo sssooo sorry for your loss.
if only it were that easy and someone could tell us how to feel that would be geat. all the years you spend worrying about your mother, where is she, what is she doing, is she okay, when will this end, ect. you think you will feel relieved once she has passed on to a life where there is no addiction however, it is the opposite (for me anyway). my mother passed away in jan of this year from years of alcohol abuse and i've felt anything but relieved, in fact i have no peace with her death whatsoever because i am overwhelmed everyday with guilt and not knowing if she knew how much i loved her becasue there came times when i had to show "tough love". this is very very hard and there is alot of baggage when you lose a parent that is an addict. i only hope your journey is easier than mine and that you do find peace knowing that things are much much better for her now. no sickness, no addiction, only peace, probably the peace she looked for everyday... i know my mother did. may be selfish but part of me would do anything to have her back.
i will not sit here and lie, some days are plain miserable. the pain gets unbearable and i just feel really really sad, consumed with thoughts of my mom... did she understand why i did what i did, does she know how much i loved her, could i have done anything to make her stop, why didn't i embrace her when i should have, what was i thinking to be so hard on her and not understand her more, i should have taken more time to try and help her. truth is, their addiciton is not our fault but it is just as much our problem as it is theirs and i haven't found a book yet that helps you grieve and get through the loss of a parent who had an addiciton. (if anyone knows of one please let me know). i try to educate myself and stay positive but its hard, somedays impossible.

talk to someone, anyone, don't hold feelings in. it will help when you let it out. i wish you all the luck and blessings and hope you are okay.
hugs! Rush
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Old 09-24-2009, 01:22 PM
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I'm sorry I did not see this earlier. I am so sorry and I am sending you lots and lots of hugs and prayers.

As far as how to feel, I think you've gotten some good advice...just feel the feelings as they come. You and your mom had a rocky relationship. There are going to be a lot of feelings and anger is probably going to be one of them, and it's okay. Whatever you feel is okay...just feel it, walk through it and move one. If you put off walking through a feeling it will come back, over and over until it's dealt with.

Please come here any time...we are always here for you and we care, so very much.

Hugs and prayers!

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Old 09-24-2009, 02:19 PM
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Im sorry to hear of your loss!! She is in a better place now, find comfort in that and know that she is with you in spirit!!!

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Old 09-24-2009, 04:43 PM
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I'm sorry Kimmy. :sorry

I know those words are empty. How should you feel? Mad, sad, many things I guess. I am so scared of the day when my mother will die. They say that when your Mom dies, you become a different person. It's such a big change. Just try to keep breathing through it. We are here for you if you need to talk or just vent. We'll do our best to understand.

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Old 09-25-2009, 08:50 PM
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I'm sorry for your loss Kim. I lost my husband 6 months ago, his body wore out from all the drug use and he was only 48.

There is so much numbness at first, it's like you're going on automatic pilot...everything is surreal. Then the feelings kick in and it's so overwhelming at first because the feelings seem to fight and contradict each other...know this is all normal. Grieve your way. No way is wrong, as long as it's your way. Let ALL the feeling come, don't fight them or they'll keep coming back. Most importantly...keep talking about it, over, and over, and over again. Don't let anyone tell you shouldn't feel such and such a way...all your feelings are right and valid for you. No one can ever know "exactly" how you feel because death and grieving is a very individual thing. Give yourself lots of TLC and don't be afraid to ask for help, many people don't offer their help because they don't know what to say or do, so for many it is a relief to be asked.

and :praying
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Old 09-27-2009, 04:40 AM
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kimm, i am so sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
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