Update on my son

Old 09-21-2009, 11:07 AM
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BBD
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Update on my son

Chris just called from the mental health hospital he has been in and told me they have room for him at the VA rehab in Buffalo. I'm so glad he will finally be on his new journey to his old self. Al least I'm hoping he will be. Yesterday was awful for me. I was so anxious about visiting him and having a talk with him about some things that were festering in me.....he was great accepting what I had to say and made " me" feel good. I'll miss him but only pray that he can put his program to work big time this time. He still wants to go to sober liiving after rehab so thats a good thing. So many changes to come for this family so please include us in your prayers.
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Old 09-21-2009, 11:23 AM
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good news, so happy for you and your son. you both are in my prayers.
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Old 09-21-2009, 11:59 AM
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prayers for continued positive outcomes in his journey in recovery and prayers for comfort for you!!

HUGS,
Rita
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Old 09-21-2009, 01:31 PM
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Bonnie, That's wonderful news. I will be keeping all of you in my prayers.

Hugs,
Chris
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Old 09-21-2009, 03:52 PM
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Thanks ladies....I'm so anxious about everything at this point. I read so many stories on here about not making it and it saddens me. I know I have no control about what happens from now on but I sure do wish I could have controlled the addiction gene. My dad was an alcoholic so in a way I feel I passed that gene to Chris. Its a tough one but hopefully we all get through this in a positve way. Hugs and thanks again, Bonnie
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Old 09-21-2009, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by BBD View Post
My dad was an alcoholic so in a way I feel I passed that gene to Chris.
Good news to you and your family Bonnie. I will keep you all in my prayers.

As far as the statement above..... please don't own this. You had no way of knowing this would happen to your son and you are in no way responsible for causing his addiction. Let this thought go for your healing to begin, okay? Okay.



:ghug3
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Old 09-21-2009, 04:12 PM
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Ok~~OK~~ I'll try but I need to study up on that some more. I have a sister and brother and nieces and nephews and so far noone else has had an addiction problem. But I will try to not blame ME for this...but its hard!! Thanks for the kind words URMYEVERYTHING~~XXXxxx
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Old 09-21-2009, 04:23 PM
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Put down the guilt stick, it has no place here. You're a terrific mom and like all of us, did the best you could.

Keeping your son in my prayers, it'sbetween him and God from here on in.

Hugs
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Old 09-21-2009, 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by BBD View Post
But I will try to not blame ME for this...but its hard!!
I know this much about you and everyone on this board to say that if they felt they would bring addiction on to their child, they wouldn't have one. They wouldn't even take the risk. After knowing what I know about addiction, fuggetta bout it! LOL.

I know Bonnie that you will be able to let all of this go and let your son accept full responsibility for his addiction. He is already making the steps and thinking about long term goals in accomplishing his recovery.

All you can do is go with the time (which takes it's own time).

That's the whole frustrating part of this whole recovery thing... waiting and waiting and waiting. All I can offer you is during this time to work on yourself and to not worry about what he chooses to do. Enjoy the moment of him being in treatment and take that moment to make your everyday a good day.

I hope that made sense.

A good book for you to read, I think I may have suggested this already, is "Reclaim Your Family from Addiction" by Craig Nakken. It's an awesome book for the entire family to read, including your son. When he is ready to work seriously on his recovery, this book will help him put into perspective what his addiction has done to the family and he will work to make the appropriate amends, without you having to worry about him doing so.

I can say this as I experience recovery with my BF, is that his actions are speaking louder than his words. It is showing. I can't even imagine having a child suffer with addiction but I can understand the hope and wishes for an addict to return to their old self, especially, when their old self isn't even in comparison to their using self.

Time is all you have.... all you would want for him to recover and all you have in your corner to heal. Be comfortable with the time it will take with him to recover. I had to get comfortable that it would take my BF a full year to repair the damage and rebuild himself back to where he was prior to relapse (working, on his own, in his own apartment, etc., etc.) and then from there, it's more time, more time to keep working on his recovery.

So, to wrap up my entire post is.... to give it time.

BIG HUGS
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Old 09-21-2009, 06:13 PM
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Thanks URmyeverything, I will order the book tomorrow and read~~read~~read and then pass it off to Chris. Thanks for the suggestion. I will do anything and everything in my power to get this family back to living and laughing together....hugs, Bon
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Old 09-22-2009, 06:28 AM
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That's great. All you can do is pray that he's ready to take advantage of all these opportunities. Sending prayers andwishes to you and your son.
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Old 12-05-2009, 03:10 PM
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It's been so long since I've contacted this board (or so it seems). I just feel the need to update everybody on what is up with our lives and am soooooooo needing some support.
Labor Day monday, Chris checked himself into the mental health fac. for his drug dependency. He was doing so well. He checked himself out on the 21st and went missing for about 10 days. To keep it short, we all involved the police (fearing the worst) but all ended up ok, he was doing it on his own. He has since tried to go to VA rehab but nobody had a bed for him so I allowed him to come back home, finish a job to help us financially and he was to go after that.
......................He still is not in rehab........................
The deal was, he was to take care of me for awhile because I am going through a new cancer diagnosis and had surgery on Nov 17.
-----I know.... QUACKING

Last night, he dipped into the vodka and was very argumentative. We argued a bit and he got violent. Grabbed my face and my arm. Crying the whole time and asking him to stop, his only response was "boo hoo". Literally, that's what he said! That really hurt me emotionally because I have breast cancer and just had surgery 1 1/2 weeks ago. I had 12 lymph nodes removed and THAT WAS THE ARM HE WAS GRABBING. He managed to take $200.00 out of my purse when I wasn't looking. (money for christmas for my two young kids) I called the police, sent him away, turned off his phone and am not looking back. Today, I start with ME. I will choose to smile, I will choose to laugh, I will choose to be happy, I will choose NOT to enable anybody. I will be a woman, a mom, a beautiful person and above all, A CANCER SURVIVOR!

---Kim
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Old 12-05-2009, 03:29 PM
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Well said Kim and you know we will be here to support you. I only hope Chris makes good choices for himself and can get his act together. All we can do is pray.
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Old 12-05-2009, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Kiki14738 View Post
Today, I start with ME. I will choose to smile, I will choose to laugh, I will choose to be happy, I will choose NOT to enable anybody. I will be a woman, a mom, a beautiful person and above all, A CANCER SURVIVOR!

---Kim
Hey, good for you. I had my surgery - bilateral mastectomy - last year and I can only imagine the pain (emotional but physical as well) of being treated the way you describe. You deserve to have someone care for you!

You will get through this, you will emerge stronger, and you will do it because you are loving yourself.
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Old 12-05-2009, 06:29 PM
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Thank you for your encouraging words!
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Old 12-05-2009, 08:58 PM
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Been awhile since I posted Bonnie...Keeping your family in my prayers. Things can work out. People can beat this aweful disease. My 24 yr old daughter has almost 3 years clean, her fiance almost 4. They just had a lil boy on oct 7. They are sitill both active in their home groups and are in contact with thier sponsers. Please don't feel responsable for your sons actions. Genes or no genes...it was his choice. Let go and let God....Sending hugs.
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Old 12-07-2009, 05:35 AM
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Kim and Bonnie,

Sorry to hear that (your) Chris is still struggling.

It is powerful to hear about the family supporting each other though. You are both strong women that can and WILL survive with the help of your HP, each other and all of us. Let go and let God.

Joan
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:18 AM
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(((((Kim and Bonnie)))))

I am very grateful that you two have each other. Kim I am sending extra prayers and have you in my 2 prayer circles that you beat this. Bonnie I continue to send out prayers for you and hubby.

I also put Chris in the hands of his HP. Guess he's not done 'practicing' YET.

Kim and Bonnie, I think you two are GREAT for each other, giving each other strength.

Please both of you, don't be strangers. We are here for you and we are walking with you in spirit!

Lots of love and bunches of hugs,
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Old 12-15-2009, 02:15 PM
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Still having issues. HE will never learn to accept his behavior if everyone keeps helping him. I feel so torn because I don't want to upset his folks (they are GREAT) but I can't stop thinking to myself STOP! He is living with his ex wife (who enables him but knows his behavior) and his dad helped him get his stuff from my house. (that was OK because I want it gone) I'm stepping away from that because I have no control but it bothers me because he now will NEVER learn to be self sufficient. He's never fallen directly on his face to do so. He is a master manipulator and knows how to play everybody. "I need help to make some money" and when he makes the money, well, need I say more? The only thing he has learned to do in his life is TAKE and all those around him are reinforcing that. (except me at the expense of pissing everybody off) I guess I have to be the bad guy now for my own sake and hopefully in the long run it will help everybody involved. This is hard............................ help
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Old 12-16-2009, 07:39 AM
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BBD: Thanks for sharing your ESH. Prayers are going out for Chris and you to continue to know the next right step.

And please come back and update us on your journey through this time in Chris' life. I for one need to have footsteps to follow in for the time when my son starts his long, hard journey into recovery.
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