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Update on my Bro and Sis-in-law

Old 09-18-2009, 11:50 AM
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Unhappy Update on my Bro and Sis-in-law

Hi all, well my Sis-in-law has been out of jail for 2 months now. She gets drug tested every week, and she's been clean every time. She doing all her NA meetings, and IOP, and Parenting classes. My bro also does all his NarAnon and Parenting classes. The place is very clean and cheerful. Last weekend, we had a moive marathon there with diet soda and subway sandwiches, plus swimming in the pool. We really had fun together.
BUT...the social worker doesn't give a damn that they have made all this progress and have done everything they were told to do. She still is not going to recommend that their kid come home in November at the next court hearing!! Get this - she says "oh you could relapse again!". Well duh, any addict could relapse again, but is that a good reason to keep the kid in foster care forever? Might as well turn the state of California into one big orphange and ship 10% of the nation's kids there, because 10% of us are addicts or alcoholics. My SIL is willing to move out and let my bro try for sole custody, but the *&^%%*! Social Worker is like "Oh, you could get married to another addict!!" Seriously she said that to him.
Meanwhile, my nephew is in a "foster home" where all the other kids are in wheelchairs or bedridden. They have discontinued trying to potty train him and keep him in diapers all the time. I wish I could take him, but I have to work 2 jobs and I already have a disabled kid.
After they told my SIL that she wasn't getting the kid back in November, she got so depressed she crawled into bed for 2 days and cried. But she did not use!!!
PLease say a prayer for all of them.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:56 AM
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omg, this is awful, i'm so sorry to hear this. you and your family are in my prayers. i'm happy to hear that your bro, and sil is doing so well otherwise. i know this has to be very hard for all of you. i pray that they both continue to stay strong and that their faith is renewed.
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Old 09-18-2009, 12:16 PM
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Now is the time for them to get an ATTORNEY familiar with the Family Court System and who can get into Court NOW and get a Guardian Ad Litem appointed for the child.

Sounds to me like a Social Worker that enjoys her power and the 'hell' with the kid. Tell Bro and SIL to keep doing what they are doing and to fight like 'hell', including going to this 'workers' SUPERVISOR. If nothing else the Supervisor can assist in getting the case assigned to another worker who is MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE about addiction and recovery.

Reassure them that this is far from over and a good attorney can really do wonders.

Sending prayers for you and your family.

Love and hugs,
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Old 09-18-2009, 01:27 PM
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About 3-4 weeks ago, you wrote about what SIL posted on the internet. It did not sound like she was in a good place, within herself, at the time.

It sounds to me like no one has yet made a compelling case for why it's different, this time. Sounds like Case Worker is testing them.

How they react to this challenge will likely impact the outcome.
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Old 09-18-2009, 02:21 PM
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Interesting take on it Outtolunch.

I read the post and thought..man, what an injustice. How is an addict ever supposed to have a healthy life if all they are every going to be to anyone that matters is an addict and never a recovering addict...then I read your post and thought there I go defending the addict and not watching their footwork. The defense could just as well go to the social worker letting their actions in how they handle her statements tell the true tale. Does it spur them on to continue their recovery and fight for custody to be returned to them or do they look for easy solutions or retreat and eventually relapse??

I am thankful I am on the sidelines and not dealing with these things myself. My heart goes out to the child and my hopes are that the family can be reunited as a healthy unit.

Alice
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Old 09-18-2009, 05:22 PM
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Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice View Post
I am thankful I am on the sidelines and not dealing with these things myself. My heart goes out to the child and my hopes are that the family can be reunited as a healthy unit.

Alice
I am right there with you, Alice.
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Old 09-18-2009, 05:30 PM
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Hey guys thanks for the input. Yeah about 1 month ago, she was still in a "lets blame others" mode. But she has stopped doing that and has been doing all her therapy and NA. She talked to me earlier in the week about a business deal that she didnt think was entierly ethical. She was using good logic and tinking about others. She is taking responsibility for her actions. THe next court date is not until late November, 2 months from now. 2 more months of clean time are possible by then. It is an injustice when the judge says you have to complete X, Y, and Z by November to get the kid back, and they do X, Y, and Z, then the social worker says "Doesnt matter! you're an addict!!"
My SIL is really depressed now, but still going to her therapy and NA, and she had her drug test today as well. I mean why cant the kid come back in November, on the condition she continues to do NA and test clean?
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Old 09-18-2009, 05:40 PM
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Originally Posted by ventuhome View Post
Hey guys thanks for the input. Yeah about 1 month ago, she was still in a "lets blame others" mode. But she has stopped doing that and has been doing all her therapy and NA. She talked to me earlier in the week about a business deal that she didnt think was entierly ethical. She was using good logic and tinking about others. She is taking responsibility for her actions. THe next court date is not until late November, 2 months from now. 2 more months of clean time are possible by then. It is an injustice when the judge says you have to complete X, Y, and Z by November to get the kid back, and they do X, Y, and Z, then the social worker says "Doesnt matter! you're an addict!!"
My SIL is really depressed now, but still going to her therapy and NA, and she had her drug test today as well. I mean why cant the kid come back in November, on the condition she continues to do NA and test clean?
Unfortunately, the order is until November. Unless, she has a darn good lawyer, the SW will not and can't push the date up. She has lots of time to prove herself to the judge. Clean urine screens, continued treatment, job security, stable and safe housing, etc. I'm not sure what the condition of the home and environment was when the children were removed, but I'm sure it wasn't safe.

The SW may have been ignorant in her statement, however, is she lying? Your SIL is an addict. She has to be able to recognize that and not care what others think about her. She has to buckle down and face the music now. Her children are in the system. When the system gets involved, then this isn't the time to be coddled by some SW. They do their job in protecting the children... your SIL does her job in getting them back and keeping it that way.

Sorry your family is going through this. This is tough.
I use to work on the other end in removing children from the home. It wasn't rewarding at all and one of the toughest jobs out there. I will never go back.
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Old 09-19-2009, 06:27 PM
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Prayer going out for your SIL and bro and their child. Once the child gets put into the system you have to keep jumping thru the hoops. It does sound like a good idea to get a lawyer though...
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Old 09-20-2009, 12:29 AM
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I understand you being upset, want those babies back at home. But 2 months out of jail is really enough for any desisions to be made....2 months does not show anything. It took my nephew 2 years to get his children back. I do have to say that I agree, far to soon for the kids to come home, yes the test are clean, but they have to get settled in a life style before taking on more. First she has to prove that she doe not need to be tested every week.

It is best to not push things, let the chips fall, they need to prove themselves as capable parents. It would be so tragic for the baby to be placed back in the home and to be taken away again. The SW has her best intentions for the baby and from just reading your posts, I know your heart is with the little guy.

If you feel that the baby is not in the best place and you are unable to care for them, is there not some brain storming you and family can do to find a place more acceptable for him.

It takes a lot for SWS to come in and take the children away and it is going to take alot for them to get him back. I know you feel bad for them, but she was put in jail, not someone responsible enough to raise a child and your brother must have been found not responsible enough to look after this baby. They are adults who have a baby that needs 100 percent of their attention, when addiction plays a role in it...as we all know addiction to an addict is number 1, so where does this child place.

Addiction causes losses, I as an adult could not imagine how I would feel to have someone take me away, then take me back and take me away again, unable to even voice my opion, just go and do as I was told.

Why was your brother not able to have the baby when she was in jail? I might have missed one of your posts.

Rose
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Old 09-20-2009, 01:07 AM
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My goodness, it really sounds like those that have the authority is enjoying the power and abusing it!! How selfish?? They need constant encouragment and support!!! I agree with Laurie, get a lawyer and let him/her take control now!

You hang in too, and stay as positive and objective too. This is an emotional time but always keep a reality check. In other words if what outtoluch is right, that the case worker is testing, then its always good to know and be aware of that.

The testing and tricking is unbelieveable and an emotional roller coaster now. Im shocked that the system doesnt show compassion and support.

I'll be thinking of you and the family. Just take is easy and one day at a time!!
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Old 09-20-2009, 02:56 AM
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Here in Canada I know that once the children have been removed it can take some time and positive actions on the parents part to get them back. The social worker is responsible for the child first and foremost, as it should be. For the parents it is very much a "don't tell me, show me" situation and the more clean time as well as progress in recovery actions will help. In some cases parenting classes are helpful, or anger management or any counseling specific to their situation over and above the addiction. Also, employment and showing that they are capable of providing the needs for the child, financially and emotionally, are important.

I agree with getting a legal opinion, but the best thing may be to just work closely with the social worker and do the "do" things she requires.

My prayers go out that his family can continue to heal and be united in a healthy environment soon.

Hugs
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Old 09-20-2009, 05:48 PM
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The system is not keeping the child in foster care "forever".

It is protecting the child until a couple of drug addicts clean up their sh**.

They created this chaos and they alone can fix it. They won't do that by blaming the "system" for the negligence and abandonment their child has endured under their care and for the consequences they are now experiencing as a result.

I would be EXTREMELY reluctant to place a child back in a home until the addicts had a lengthy recovery period. And in recovery circles, that's one year minimum.

I agree with the social worker. Statistically, relapse is much more likely than recovery. Your sister will have to prove, PROVE OVER TIME, she will not do what she has already done to child in the past: neglect and abandon.

Sorry, but I can't sympathize with your anger. Too much danger for the child at this point.
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