Cornell17

It has been a rough few months for me. My wife, I feel has a substance abuse problem with an anti-anxiety med (prescribed) and drinking while on her meds, it has come to the sad point that she consistently lies about why she is "intoxicated" until I search her car and find something hidden. Even then lies. She has been coming home totally lucid and I have an 18 month old child. I am so scared she is going to do something to herself or my son while under the influence. When she comes home like this she does not tell me what she has taken or drank, so it leaves me helpless and makes me search for the answers which in turn makes me "controlling" and to her the reason why she has to escape her issues. She has some bad things going on right now, she just lost her job and is feeling down on herself but it has become more and more frequent when she comes home, and I can tell she has taken a lorazapam and something to drink, but of course lies ensue! What do I do?? I love her but I can't take the lies anymore and denial by her that she has a problem, but it is getting worse and worse and I am so afraid. I don't want to be hypercritical and say I don't drink, of course I enjoy some wine at night when my boy is in bed and it's time to relax but I do not hide it and lye about it on a daily basis. If someone out there has or is in my shoes please give me some advise. My wife and I see a counselor and talk about this but she plays the role of nothing is wrong and she is working on it, she is not, she has deep issues that stem from her childhood. I am looking at rehab centers for the last resort but she has already said she will not go. I have threatened to leave her if it does not get better and still not getting through. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

teke

hi cornell, welcome. there is a lot of experience, strength and hope here. you've come to a good place. keep posting, read all you can. knowledge is power. there is a lot of info in the stickies at the top of the forum. check your area for alanon and narnan meetings for yourself. you've suggested rehab and you are in counceling so there is nothing else you can do to help her other than taking care of you and your child. she is gonna do what she's gonna do and nothing you can say or do that will make her stop. she have to want to stop for herself.

instead of threats, its suggested that boundaries are set, based on what you can or cannot live with, adding and sticking to strong consequences if boundaries are crossed.
unfortunately some times boundaries are ignore so try to only set ones that you are will to follow through.

you are not to blame for your aw's behavior, its not your fault and you can't cure it, it has nothing to do with you. it is common for an addict to blame everyone else for their addiction. try to take a step back and allow her to suffer the consequences of her actions. keep the focus on you and protecting your baby from her addiction.

others will be alone shortly so please stick around, i'll keep you and your family in my prayers

bluejay6

Welcome, Cornell. I'm sorry to hear that your wife is a drug addict and that as a result, your 18 month old is a victim of child abuse.

I know that is hard to hear. But it is true. You know this. Each day your wife's intoxication endangers the baby and you are allowing it to happen.

The visits to the counselor to "talk" are ineffective. Your wife shows up because it makes her look like a normal wife with normal relationship problems.

She is not. She is a drug addict.

You say you threaten to leave but the threats do no good. Cornell, she will pay attention only to what you do. She will not listen to what you say.

You are doing nothing.

And you say that rehab is a last resort and that she won't go anyway.

Did you ever imagine that one day a drug addict would be calling all the shots in your life?

Man up and protect your baby.

You are VERY welcome here and to recovery.

Bluejay