what about addiction annoys you or is crazy making
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
His having a seizure, and then blaming it on his parents who have been in the grave for 40 yrs.
His having a seizure and saying it was because he didn't take enough of a med when in reality it could have been because he took to much oxy or something else.
His having a seizure minutes before putting son in the car to bring him home, and then sit at the hospital after the seizure and tell pastor he would never be able to live with himself if something happened to son. Son saw dad on the ground (thankfully not the seizure part) and saw the ambulance take him away. Son was in tears.
His having a seizure and saying it was because he didn't take enough of a med when in reality it could have been because he took to much oxy or something else.
His having a seizure minutes before putting son in the car to bring him home, and then sit at the hospital after the seizure and tell pastor he would never be able to live with himself if something happened to son. Son saw dad on the ground (thankfully not the seizure part) and saw the ambulance take him away. Son was in tears.
ThatLittleGirl
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 273
I hate how even though we're divorced, and I now try very hard to face the reality of his addiction and my co-dependency...he still treats me like I'm ignorant and in denial...He continues to lie and I have to pretend (or really just ignore) his rationalizations and not call him on them...because now I know there's no point in confronting him with the truth.
I hate how bitter, angry and insecure I've become
I hate when he tries to manipulate
I hate when I let in a little hope, thinking he "gets it" and then the next day he calls and he's blitzed out of his mind, and I go back to step 1
I hate talking to him (I call regularly so his daughters can talk to him) and he's slurring and I have to ignore it...it's like a wound that just won't heal...and because we have children, it may take a long time to build up the calluses needed to not let it affect me
I hate how bitter, angry and insecure I've become
I hate when he tries to manipulate
I hate when I let in a little hope, thinking he "gets it" and then the next day he calls and he's blitzed out of his mind, and I go back to step 1
I hate talking to him (I call regularly so his daughters can talk to him) and he's slurring and I have to ignore it...it's like a wound that just won't heal...and because we have children, it may take a long time to build up the calluses needed to not let it affect me
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
I hate how persistent addiction is. That even after 5.. 10.. 30 years sobriety, it has the ability to return and destroy everything that has been reassembled.
The constant threat.
The constant threat.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 32
Lying/broken promises
Disappearing acts/unanswered calls & texts fro days or even weeks
trying to make ME think *I was the one with the problem
name calling
excuses (which were so ridiculous it was almost insulting to my intelligence)
mood swings
moving out of my house without even a goodbye
Disappearing acts/unanswered calls & texts fro days or even weeks
trying to make ME think *I was the one with the problem
name calling
excuses (which were so ridiculous it was almost insulting to my intelligence)
mood swings
moving out of my house without even a goodbye
Then the bird said 'Nevermore'
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by mercury44 
oh yeah...i forgot to add....
basing MY mood on whether HIS breath reeked of alcohol or HIS eyes were glassy
basing MY mood on whether HIS breath reeked of alcohol or HIS eyes were glassy
Reminds me! Have you ever seen the movie When a man loves a woman? I watched it the other day.. ohhhh, it's a good one!
stay happy
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
I forgot to add.....
The miraculous cure when they enter rehab and think that it's all better now. Like you are suppose to just erase and forget all the crap they did while using.
Yeah....okay....I'm on that! LOL.
The miraculous cure when they enter rehab and think that it's all better now. Like you are suppose to just erase and forget all the crap they did while using.
Yeah....okay....I'm on that! LOL.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: My Room
Posts: 138
watching someone destroy their life and not be strong enough to move toward the light.
there are people with REAL, not self-inflicted, problems out there and many of them are doing fine!
yes, it's a disease but it's also a choice to not see the disease/remain in the disease. what a waste of this life. there are so many beautiful things to see and do? why choose. . .this
?
there are people with REAL, not self-inflicted, problems out there and many of them are doing fine!
yes, it's a disease but it's also a choice to not see the disease/remain in the disease. what a waste of this life. there are so many beautiful things to see and do? why choose. . .this
?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: California, USA
Posts: 293
I really appreciate everyone sharing. My husband has been in recovery for six months. We have been separated for a year. I have been working on my recovery hard. Reading all of your posts, however, reminds me what an insane life I had lived for oh too long (most of my life), as the daughter of an alcoholic and wife of an alcoholic/addict. I want to say it's all behind me but. . . working on it, just for today, one day at a time, for the rest of my life.
I wish I never allowed someone's addiction (and my addiction & codependence to him) rob me of my civility and my humanity.
I wish I never allowed someone's addiction (and my addiction & codependence to him) rob me of my civility and my humanity.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Nevada
Posts: 44
The "you dont have to be with me" and then when you leave or stand up for yourself its a mess.
Missing money
No food
Constantly on the go
Hurtful words
Leaving and coming back........coming back.....coming back.....ah there he is
FIGHTING
CRYING
Most of all not being able to do jack s#!* about it.
Missing money
No food
Constantly on the go
Hurtful words
Leaving and coming back........coming back.....coming back.....ah there he is
FIGHTING
CRYING
Most of all not being able to do jack s#!* about it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Nevada
Posts: 44
What I hate about addiction (my personality):
It has led me to be skeptical of everything and everyone, not trusting
I have a hard time being happy
I am always looking for something wrong that he is doing
I cry, get angry and decide to leave....then he comes back.........
I dont know who I feel more anger towards myself or him
It has led me to be skeptical of everything and everyone, not trusting
I have a hard time being happy
I am always looking for something wrong that he is doing
I cry, get angry and decide to leave....then he comes back.........
I dont know who I feel more anger towards myself or him
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 71
My exrabf drives me nuts with his new cultish behavior with NA.
His addiction to meth drove me nuts. He would disappear for days at a time, and I always allowed him back in. That's on me, I know. I hated feeling used because he wasn't working and I supported him financially and emotionally, paying off his dealer a couple times, dealing with him through his depressive crashes. I allowed him a cell phone to sling dope on the side. He didn't MAKE me do any of it; we all make choices, and those were mine.
But we broke up in February after he got out of a 4 month rehab program. He left me, still jobless, moneyless, homeless. He went and stayed with a high school friend. He said he left because of poor communication. I didn't want to talk about our relationship because I told him he would never change. He was an irresponsible addict and he was just as irresponsible clean.
Keep in mind that he was not actively in recovery then, he was just clean. There's a huge difference between clean and recovery.
But now, he's working, he's active in NA ... he is doing EVERYTHING that I wanted him to do during his clean time with me. He is clean, he is sober, he is now working, he has dropped all the druggie friends, even those in recovery. And he doesn't want to be with me because MY life is unmanageable due to my bipolar illness. WTF?
I'm not terribly concerned about it; my life is moving forward with or without him. But I have to say that I am so annoyed that his addictive personality will not allow him to understand another's point of view, how he is never capable of moderation in ANYTHING, how he still remains entitled and arrogant, how he's unappreciative and ungrateful for all I did when I stood by him during rehab and after.
I realized after he left that I didn't do my part in being active in meetings to help me in his recovery. I figured if he wasn't going to be active and take recovery seriously, why should I? I realize now that this was the wrong way to think.
But I am still annoyed. When he got out of rehab, all I wanted was for him to get a job, help around the house and help with bills. He would clean house but never looked seriously for a job and still never helped with bills except for some money that he got from his grandmother while still in jail.
Now he is soooo active in NA that he barely speaks to me (we work together), he is never available to help me with anything (moving, getting a piece of furniture picked up, etc.). Am I wrong to think that he owes me just a little for all I did for him the previous two years? At least some gratitude?
And I am so sick to death of NA ... well, not NA, but with the way he approaches his "active recovery". He is literally obsessed with his meetings, his sponsor, his "selfish" time. He told me that he is sorry that I am so bitter towards him, but that he hopes that when it comes time for him to make amends, that I won't be any more. WTFE! He also sends me email forwards that are all about making others happy, doing for others, etc., and he WILL NOT do this for anyone but those in NA. It's as though I am a non-entity now because I am not an addict. What is that about? Because I am not a recovering addict, I am pointless? All the things I did for him are "in the past" and not worth rehashing???? Really????
NA is good, but anything can be an addiction if not handled with moderation and care, and he's turned NA into another addiction. Until he learns to handle stressors, triggers, stops acting like an anti-social jerk most of the time, and handle everything in life in moderation, he will never be successful in his recovery, IMO. He lives with his mom, and takes her for granted too (she's our boss at work). Not my problem I know, but anytime you see someone you love being hurt, it bugs the hell out of you, right?
So yeah, I'm annoyed.:
His addiction to meth drove me nuts. He would disappear for days at a time, and I always allowed him back in. That's on me, I know. I hated feeling used because he wasn't working and I supported him financially and emotionally, paying off his dealer a couple times, dealing with him through his depressive crashes. I allowed him a cell phone to sling dope on the side. He didn't MAKE me do any of it; we all make choices, and those were mine.
But we broke up in February after he got out of a 4 month rehab program. He left me, still jobless, moneyless, homeless. He went and stayed with a high school friend. He said he left because of poor communication. I didn't want to talk about our relationship because I told him he would never change. He was an irresponsible addict and he was just as irresponsible clean.
Keep in mind that he was not actively in recovery then, he was just clean. There's a huge difference between clean and recovery.
But now, he's working, he's active in NA ... he is doing EVERYTHING that I wanted him to do during his clean time with me. He is clean, he is sober, he is now working, he has dropped all the druggie friends, even those in recovery. And he doesn't want to be with me because MY life is unmanageable due to my bipolar illness. WTF?
I'm not terribly concerned about it; my life is moving forward with or without him. But I have to say that I am so annoyed that his addictive personality will not allow him to understand another's point of view, how he is never capable of moderation in ANYTHING, how he still remains entitled and arrogant, how he's unappreciative and ungrateful for all I did when I stood by him during rehab and after.
I realized after he left that I didn't do my part in being active in meetings to help me in his recovery. I figured if he wasn't going to be active and take recovery seriously, why should I? I realize now that this was the wrong way to think.
But I am still annoyed. When he got out of rehab, all I wanted was for him to get a job, help around the house and help with bills. He would clean house but never looked seriously for a job and still never helped with bills except for some money that he got from his grandmother while still in jail.
Now he is soooo active in NA that he barely speaks to me (we work together), he is never available to help me with anything (moving, getting a piece of furniture picked up, etc.). Am I wrong to think that he owes me just a little for all I did for him the previous two years? At least some gratitude?
And I am so sick to death of NA ... well, not NA, but with the way he approaches his "active recovery". He is literally obsessed with his meetings, his sponsor, his "selfish" time. He told me that he is sorry that I am so bitter towards him, but that he hopes that when it comes time for him to make amends, that I won't be any more. WTFE! He also sends me email forwards that are all about making others happy, doing for others, etc., and he WILL NOT do this for anyone but those in NA. It's as though I am a non-entity now because I am not an addict. What is that about? Because I am not a recovering addict, I am pointless? All the things I did for him are "in the past" and not worth rehashing???? Really????
NA is good, but anything can be an addiction if not handled with moderation and care, and he's turned NA into another addiction. Until he learns to handle stressors, triggers, stops acting like an anti-social jerk most of the time, and handle everything in life in moderation, he will never be successful in his recovery, IMO. He lives with his mom, and takes her for granted too (she's our boss at work). Not my problem I know, but anytime you see someone you love being hurt, it bugs the hell out of you, right?
So yeah, I'm annoyed.
:
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by URMYEVERYTHING
I forgot to add.....
The miraculous cure when they enter rehab and think that it's all better now. Like you are suppose to just erase and forget all the crap they did while using.
Yeah....okay....I'm on that! LOL.
The miraculous cure when they enter rehab and think that it's all better now. Like you are suppose to just erase and forget all the crap they did while using.
Yeah....okay....I'm on that! LOL.
I think I'm about ready to move past the addiction world. I had a date last weekend with a great guy, with a job, with a car, with his own home, with a life of his own that is balanced.
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