ladyhawk69

Still MONTHS later, trying to survive with no money paying bills HE left behind............

Insulated

I knew in my mind what actually happened... in the event I would question myself.... (how sick is that?)

oh you crack me up. really, i feel ya on that! how sick IS that!?

My late ABF didn't believe any audio / video stuff either until... he read the discovery at his arraignment hearing. He'd gotten into a car, sold pills, chewed two himself, collected $100.00 from/to a confidential informant and undercover sheriff. The dashboard was fully equipped! And he still wanted to think he was on Punk'd with Ashton Kutcher.

wicked

:rotfxko

oh, that is good Insulated. very very good.

jdh

Addition makes me crazy:

That I have lost my son and never want to see him again.
That drugs can take such a hold on a person and control their mind and will.
That it makes a derelict out of a good person.
That it takes away a parent from his children.
That I could not control myself from chasing him on crack.
That I lost my business because of his crack addiction.
The money that goes to the criminals that provide drugs.
Selling everything you have to get drugs.
$1000 - $3000 binges.
Giving your new car to a drug dealer for a few hours of high and never seeing it again.
Worrying if he is still alive and thinking everyone would be better off if he were not alive.
That I believed he could overcome this addiction.
Fear of suicide.
Fear that addition will control him the rest of his life.

[B]Lies...stealing...disappearing...

wicked

This is one of the things I hated the most. I hated myself for wishing the father of my children would just die from his crack addiction and let everyone mourn and move on.

Satya

barblsn

What I hated about living with my addicted husband:

the WAITING for him to come home...would he? Would he bring my car back? Would it be drivable? Would he come home at all?

The LYING..but worse, I hated that I let myself believe the lies because I wanted everything to be ok.

NO MONEY. I hated having to take a second job at a fast food place to pay the lawyer so I could declare bankrupcy.

tam

my AH telling my family,friends, coworkers, his drs.and even the police that I was mentally ill (he is bipolar/pain meds addiction). him calling the police and saying Im committing suicide and they come to my house with lights/sirens on, him calling the police for changing the locks and they came here, him calling the police and telling them I wont give him personal papers..having the police watch me/house daily and feel my life is disrupted by being watched (I know its for my safety)..my AH made me feel insane and isolated and a emotional wreck before his addiction/mental illness was brought to everyone's attention and me hiding it for too long. and of course the lies and him putting attention on me to hide his addiction.

teke

this exact same thing happened to me. my world became so small. my ah also told the police i was mentally ill. not only was i able to talk to friends and family about what was going on in our house, i couldn't even get any help from the police. like i said if i had not found sr when i did, i would be committed by now. i actually came to believe it was me who was mentally ill. i hate that addiction and what it does to families.

even though this is old, it has still helped me today. the more i read you guys experiences, the more i understand what was happening with the 'ME' that i once was.

ladyhawk69

While watching Joel Osteen this morning, he had a great message. "We bloom where we are planted". We might be living around weeds, but if we rise above, we will be the flower that blooms. Just thought this thread might appreciate that message. Have a great day everybody!!

Hammerhead

Love this! Indeed if we don't rise above.... we can be mistaken for a weed! (no pun intended)

helpformyson

wet dollar bills, my missing measuring spoons, of course the needles. I hate looking at the track marks, the black circles under his eyes, all the burn holes in his clothes, his teeth that he had so much pride in after years of orthodontia and whitening, now look like sh!t.

Insulated

My late ABF began drinking daily upon wake up to wash down the pills. Usually polished off a 5th by the time I dropped him at work on his "new" job. He was sharing a conversation with me that he'd had with the other three men that worked with him and informed them he is an alcoholic. The men responded "I couldn't tell". I just looked at late ABF in disbelief and said "they've never seen you sober."

wicked

Yes! My ex worked construction and they alllll drank to excess! So asking a bunch of people who have never seen you sober if you are an alcoholic, well.....
LOL

Insulated

I think my favorite crazy making event was when I was leaving him, had a truck on the lawn, loading stuff in it. He said he was breaking up with me. To which I asked
"Do you hear YOURSELF when you talk?" It's the Jedi traction they gain in active addiction that is both amazing and insanity.

wicked

I must remember this question when I feel like my head is gonna explode from jedi foolishness.

jerect

I hate myself for this but often times I feel this same way, glad to know that I'm not the only one.

The things my addict does that drives me crazy..

1. The fact that he doesn't seem to mind living in filth.. he has a room in our house that he hangs out in, it looks worse then a teenagers room. I used to go in there and tidy up now I just close the door.. not my mess.

2. Empty pill bottles everywhere, I hate empty pill bottles..

3. Empty pins or sawed off empty pins..

4. The way he tries to justify himself taking three different anti depressents along with his suboxone... the dr prescribes it so it must be ok

5. The fact that I put up with this bs and I make excuses as to why I can't leave yet.. I'm currently on a two year plan with myself in terms of kicking him out where it should be a 2 month plan.

Satya

I would say the biggest thing is feeling so used by another human being, especially one you care about and have done so much for.

ladyhawk69

STILL hearing my little one talk about him and draw pictures of him included in our "family". It breaks my heart.

summer017

WHO REMEMBERS THIS ONE? Bringing back an old thread....

I hate how persistent addiction is. That even after 5.. 10.. 30 years sobriety, it has the ability to return and destroy everything that has been reassembled.

The constant threat.