what about addiction annoys you or is crazy making
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hoosier Daddy?
Posts: 63
I've followed this post since it's beginning, but couldn't quite articulate what it is that bothers me most, despite putting searching thought into it. It's one of those occasions when I've found it important to accurately identify, without obssessing, for the recovery value that accurately identifying may offer.
Finally, however, I found the word that best describes it. It's the AMBIGUITY (uncertainty or doubtfulness) that has most effected me. Often referred to as "quacking", it's the, "What the hell does THAT mean"?, I've seen so many, including myself, left trying to decipher.
If nothing else, when an active addict is "quacking" and you feel the question, "What the hell does THAT mean"?, filling your mind, just remember there is no real honesty when the response to our search for truth, 'right' values, 'right' morality, or 'right' ethics is ambigous... ambiguouty is an ally of active addiction.
Also, this is useful, at least for me, if I find myself reflecting upon/obsessing about statments made by the addict after they've gone. As stated by M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled, "Where there is confusion, there are lies." Ambiguouty, for me, is the word that best describes that confusion.
If nothing else, it buys time to think as the addict gets a quizical look like, "What the hell does ambiguous mean"?
Sometimes, for me anyway, it's all about finding the right word that articulates where I am... and I find my 'truth' in the words I choose to use.
Many Blessings,
Shaman
Finally, however, I found the word that best describes it. It's the AMBIGUITY (uncertainty or doubtfulness) that has most effected me. Often referred to as "quacking", it's the, "What the hell does THAT mean"?, I've seen so many, including myself, left trying to decipher.
If nothing else, when an active addict is "quacking" and you feel the question, "What the hell does THAT mean"?, filling your mind, just remember there is no real honesty when the response to our search for truth, 'right' values, 'right' morality, or 'right' ethics is ambigous... ambiguouty is an ally of active addiction.
Also, this is useful, at least for me, if I find myself reflecting upon/obsessing about statments made by the addict after they've gone. As stated by M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled, "Where there is confusion, there are lies." Ambiguouty, for me, is the word that best describes that confusion.
If nothing else, it buys time to think as the addict gets a quizical look like, "What the hell does ambiguous mean"?
Sometimes, for me anyway, it's all about finding the right word that articulates where I am... and I find my 'truth' in the words I choose to use.
Many Blessings,
Shaman
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Wherever I turn my attention
Posts: 57
Originally Posted by SHAMAN 
Also, this is useful, at least for me, if I find myself reflecting upon/obsessing about statments made by the addict after they've gone. As stated by M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled, "Where there is confusion, there are lies." Ambiguouty, for me, is the word that best describes that confusion.
Healthy people are forthright and upfront...and if they don't know or are unsure about something, they'll say the are...even their confusion is clearly stated.
I'm my own best friend
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Reading, PA
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by teke
just to name a few things:
lies, stealing and the disappearing acts
i dreaded his paydays
empty pens
couldn't keep choreboys
anybody else?
trying to figure out the why's and how's behind my ah's behavior.
lies, stealing and the disappearing acts
i dreaded his paydays
empty pens
couldn't keep choreboys
anybody else?
trying to figure out the why's and how's behind my ah's behavior.
This made me laugh. I know it's not funny, but I SOOOO know what you mean. The empty pens, choreboys, broken stems, broken baggies, little pieces of chore boy strewn on the floor, lighters, and the list could go on.
Also, when they are high. It scares me. The clenching jaw, the constant in and out of the bathroom, peeking out the windows. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT CRACK!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: new york
Posts: 227
Originally Posted by hello-kitty
The fact that they think that none of their bad behavior matters once they tell you they are in recovery. Like "recovery" erases all the destruction they have caused in the world.
That was when I was using baby. I'm not like that anymore. Don't throw the past in my face.
I call B-S on that.
That was when I was using baby. I'm not like that anymore. Don't throw the past in my face.
I call B-S on that.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I hate that I allowed HIS addiction to consume my life. I allowed HIS decisions to suck the life right out of me. Limping along back to the real world, but I hate that I allowed him to take me down with him somewhat.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I hated that I wasn't getting my picket fence and I hated the effect it had on the kids. My XAH was also into porn which icked me out. Now I live a calm, chaos free, boring life and I am so grateful. SR really helped me....let go and not be dragged........
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i hate that addiction really does end in either recovery, jail, institution or death. i hate that my ah is gone now even though i know he's finally free.
carol star,
i agree with you, after living with addiction for so long, a calm and boring life is something to be grateful for.
carol star,
i agree with you, after living with addiction for so long, a calm and boring life is something to be grateful for.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 63
One thing for me is the denial- the addict in my life didn't think anyone could tell there was something wrong with him. He thought he was acting all 'normal' and cool on drugs despite every one around him saying 'hey there's something wrong with you, why are you acting so strange?' and then he'd try to find an explanation for every comment someone said- I work a lot in the hot sun, I'm really stressed etc. etc. And then when he couldnt make things up about himself he'd start saying there were things wrong with other people, like myself- it's that time of the month for you, you're just stressed about school, you've been mean lately and I don't appreciate it.
People notice when you're doing drugs!!
People notice when you're doing drugs!!
grateful rca
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
Originally Posted by cynical one
I was just reading thru all the replies and I have to say I have seen amazing growth in teke the OP of the thread.
i know i've come a little ways from where i was, even though i know i have a long long way to go. i'm almost sure that if i had not stumbled upon sr, i would have by now been committed already. i thank god for you guys every day.
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Things I hate about addiction....
The ole twistaroo game....I could actually HAVE his pills in my hand out showing Him and He would still try to manage to make ME think I am crazy and need help. WTF?
Doubting myself when My gut is trying to tell me different. Made me crazy.
Researching more about His addiction than HE does, after all..He doesn't research my PMS!
Pitting people against Me and isolating Me.
Pinned pupils....I just hated looking at them.
Panic. The pills would render him reckless...He was always trying to fix things when he was high, and would end up breaking it instead. Cost me more money in the end.
Hiding my purse.
No social life.
Lack of intimacy.
Always feeling like I am "waiting".
Me snooping and becoming a detective.
Seeing myself tolerate behaviors that I would never tolerate from ANYONE else.
Pretending everything was great to other people when my bottom was falling out.
Losing my friends.
Always having to defend myself when HE was actually the one in the wrong.
Not trusting the one person in the world you are supposed to feel "home" with.
Watching Him pee in a cup. So humiliating for BOTH of us, not to mention expensive!
Having the time of my life in "dry" times knowing i was on borrowed time. I always knew "He" would come back.
Knowing how it ends.
The best thing about His addiction......
Finding You guys and learning more about myself than I ever have!!! It's the best I've ever felt!!!!!!
Love this post! Thanks Lady.
The ole twistaroo game....I could actually HAVE his pills in my hand out showing Him and He would still try to manage to make ME think I am crazy and need help. WTF?
Doubting myself when My gut is trying to tell me different. Made me crazy.
Researching more about His addiction than HE does, after all..He doesn't research my PMS!
Pitting people against Me and isolating Me.
Pinned pupils....I just hated looking at them.
Panic. The pills would render him reckless...He was always trying to fix things when he was high, and would end up breaking it instead. Cost me more money in the end.
Hiding my purse.
No social life.
Lack of intimacy.
Always feeling like I am "waiting".
Me snooping and becoming a detective.
Seeing myself tolerate behaviors that I would never tolerate from ANYONE else.
Pretending everything was great to other people when my bottom was falling out.
Losing my friends.
Always having to defend myself when HE was actually the one in the wrong.
Not trusting the one person in the world you are supposed to feel "home" with.
Watching Him pee in a cup. So humiliating for BOTH of us, not to mention expensive!
Having the time of my life in "dry" times knowing i was on borrowed time. I always knew "He" would come back.
Knowing how it ends.
The best thing about His addiction......
Finding You guys and learning more about myself than I ever have!!! It's the best I've ever felt!!!!!!
Love this post! Thanks Lady.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: atlanta
Posts: 90
I could probably take a piece of each post and it would apply directly to me. The most intense crazy-makers would be:
1. Becoming the best un-paid detective in the world...searching just to confirm the suspicions.
2. Having the proof but not knowing what to do with it.
3. Being made to feel that I'm crazy even though I have the proof in my hand.
4. Compromising my character just to protect his....what a dumb thing to do!
5. Holding my breath wating for the next axe to fall....
1. Becoming the best un-paid detective in the world...searching just to confirm the suspicions.
2. Having the proof but not knowing what to do with it.
3. Being made to feel that I'm crazy even though I have the proof in my hand.
4. Compromising my character just to protect his....what a dumb thing to do!
5. Holding my breath wating for the next axe to fall....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
And the accidents, falling off ladders, falling through a window, chainsawed his leg, falling down steps, wiping out on a minibike and losing/breaking brand new glasses, accidents in two cars (totaled my truck I loved), and blaming the accidents on me so my insurance gets cancelled! WTF? Oh I forgot the crossed eyes. How sexy! And the dropping cigarette butts when passed out making little holes in everything. Thanks. I just purged ALOT!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 76
I hated the lies.
Him taking off all of the time and then giving me some b-s excuse as to why he was gone for so long.
The stealing.
Him not showering for days (I had to basically force him to towards the end of our relationship)
Him not holding a job and then relying on his mother for money.
Saying after a week or so of "cleaning up" that I should trust him now or that now that he is sober everything is magically better. The manipulative guilt trips that I would get because I didn't trust him after a couple days or a few weeks or because I still felt things were not better.
The suspicion that he went and got high while I was in labor with our son.
Finding needles, money, crack pipes, etc hidden in his coat, the soles of shoes, the car, etc.
Ugh, how creative the addict is with trying to cover up their addiction.
Having to get tested after the breakup.
Did I mention the LIES?
Feeling like the one you care about doesn't give a damn about you.
Most of all, I hated what I was doing to myself by staying with him..
- Thinking it was 'normal' to hide things.
- Sitting around texting him all day when he took off in an attempt to get him to come home or somehow control the situation. Then when it didn't work, I sit around just talking about him and crying when I could've been doing so many other PRODUCTIVE things with my time.
- Seeing signs of his use and living in denial over it or finding a way to excuse him behavior.
- Putting up with the manipulation and just nasty b-s just to keep him in my life.
- How creative I was covering up his addiction to myself and others in an attempt to put up some sort of facade that things were 'ok'.
Ugh, it is crazy looking back and seeing what I put up with just to keep him in my life. I do not regret what I went through because I learned about my codependency issues because of this (and they definitely preceded this relationship) and most importantly, because I have a wonderful son. It sucks that it took this much for me to see that I needed to put the focus on me but I guess "a lesson lived is a lesson learned".
Thanks for posting this thread, it kind of just reminded me where I was and how far I have already come in such a little amount of time since detaching from this relationship
Him taking off all of the time and then giving me some b-s excuse as to why he was gone for so long.
The stealing.
Him not showering for days (I had to basically force him to towards the end of our relationship)
Him not holding a job and then relying on his mother for money.
Saying after a week or so of "cleaning up" that I should trust him now or that now that he is sober everything is magically better. The manipulative guilt trips that I would get because I didn't trust him after a couple days or a few weeks or because I still felt things were not better.
The suspicion that he went and got high while I was in labor with our son.
Finding needles, money, crack pipes, etc hidden in his coat, the soles of shoes, the car, etc.
Ugh, how creative the addict is with trying to cover up their addiction.
Having to get tested after the breakup.
Did I mention the LIES?
Feeling like the one you care about doesn't give a damn about you.
Most of all, I hated what I was doing to myself by staying with him..
- Thinking it was 'normal' to hide things.
- Sitting around texting him all day when he took off in an attempt to get him to come home or somehow control the situation. Then when it didn't work, I sit around just talking about him and crying when I could've been doing so many other PRODUCTIVE things with my time.
- Seeing signs of his use and living in denial over it or finding a way to excuse him behavior.
- Putting up with the manipulation and just nasty b-s just to keep him in my life.
- How creative I was covering up his addiction to myself and others in an attempt to put up some sort of facade that things were 'ok'.
Ugh, it is crazy looking back and seeing what I put up with just to keep him in my life. I do not regret what I went through because I learned about my codependency issues because of this (and they definitely preceded this relationship) and most importantly, because I have a wonderful son. It sucks that it took this much for me to see that I needed to put the focus on me but I guess "a lesson lived is a lesson learned".
Thanks for posting this thread, it kind of just reminded me where I was and how far I have already come in such a little amount of time since detaching from this relationship
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
going to the store for cigarettes...
yep. Late ABF went to store for cigarettes...
Never bought them
Not even a butt in the car ashtray
Bought drugs instead
Died
Went out for a pack of cigs, and never came back!
yep. Late ABF went to store for cigarettes...
Never bought them
Not even a butt in the car ashtray
Bought drugs instead
Died
Went out for a pack of cigs, and never came back!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
OMG, I remember alot of things, and with him still gone from our home it's painful somewhat to think about the chaos that occurred.
LIES, couldn't open his mouth and tell the truth if he tried.
Pawn shop receipts
Spilled drinks all over the house
Burn holes
Food particles everywhere from EWS (eating while stoned)
Candy wrappers from SSB (stoned sweet binges)
Pill bottles (usually empty)
The sound of a desk drawer opening in the middle of the night to get to the pills
Pill holders
Receipts showing cash back
Scuzzy friends of his in the back yard
Going out to his shop and banging on the door and him taking forever to answer because he was in there smoking pot
Showing me his new tool/gadget and it being gone within a month
I could go on.....but I won't
Hugs,
Teggie
LIES, couldn't open his mouth and tell the truth if he tried.
Pawn shop receipts
Spilled drinks all over the house
Burn holes
Food particles everywhere from EWS (eating while stoned)
Candy wrappers from SSB (stoned sweet binges)
Pill bottles (usually empty)
The sound of a desk drawer opening in the middle of the night to get to the pills
Pill holders
Receipts showing cash back
Scuzzy friends of his in the back yard
Going out to his shop and banging on the door and him taking forever to answer because he was in there smoking pot
Showing me his new tool/gadget and it being gone within a month
I could go on.....but I won't
Hugs,
Teggie
I'm my own best friend
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Reading, PA
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by teggie
omg, i remember alot of things, and with him still gone from our home it's painful somewhat to think about the chaos that occurred.
Lies, couldn't open his mouth and tell the truth if he tried.
Pawn shop receipts
spilled drinks all over the house
burn holes
food particles everywhere from ews (eating while stoned)
candy wrappers from ssb (stoned sweet binges)
pill bottles (usually empty)
the sound of a desk drawer opening in the middle of the night to get to the pills
pill holders
receipts showing cash back
scuzzy friends of his in the back yard
going out to his shop and banging on the door and him taking forever to answer because he was in there smoking pot
showing me his new tool/gadget and it being gone within a month
i could go on.....but i won't
hugs,
teggie
Lies, couldn't open his mouth and tell the truth if he tried.
Pawn shop receipts
spilled drinks all over the house
burn holes
food particles everywhere from ews (eating while stoned)
candy wrappers from ssb (stoned sweet binges)
pill bottles (usually empty)
the sound of a desk drawer opening in the middle of the night to get to the pills
pill holders
receipts showing cash back
scuzzy friends of his in the back yard
going out to his shop and banging on the door and him taking forever to answer because he was in there smoking pot
showing me his new tool/gadget and it being gone within a month
i could go on.....but i won't
hugs,
teggie
My exabf had 3 playstation 3's, more cell phones than a person will have in a lifetime, and stolen more items and money from than i care to remember.
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