Overwhelmed!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 7
Overwhelmed!!
Hi,
I'm new here and posted a few days ago about my sister who just finished 5 days in detox. She's at an in-house rehab facility right now but it sounds like she will only be there for a week or two and then released for outpatient treatment.
I have so many questions and issues here but I just need to vent what is first and foremost on my mind right now...
My non-A sister and I dont think that my parents should allow her back to their house when she is released because my A sister knows how to play them like a fiddle....but that's not our decision. So my Dad is trying to draw up a "contract" to keep her on course when she returns to their house and is asking for our input and wants to know that we are on board.
Here's what they have to far:
1. I guess my parents plan on tracking every minute of her day.
2. She goes to outpatient meetings, work, then will have to come back home and not be a minute late and she can't have their car to go anywhere else.
3. She can't have her old cell phone back....
My dad doesn't get it. He cant do this FOR her...but he's determined to. He even admitted that if my A sister went to live with a friend and not with my parents she'd probably stop going to the outpatient meetings.....
My parents plan on going to the first Nar-Anon meeting on Monday night. I have no idea what the format of these meetings is like but I want to go with them, explain to some experienced members there how my dad thinks he should about "dealing with this", and see if somebody can start to talk some sense into him! I know, I'm in total fantasy land here, arent' I?
we are in new territory here....
1. Any advice from others who have been in a similar situation?
2. If my parents insist on letting her return with a contract, are there any other suggestions for said contract?
I'm new here and posted a few days ago about my sister who just finished 5 days in detox. She's at an in-house rehab facility right now but it sounds like she will only be there for a week or two and then released for outpatient treatment.
I have so many questions and issues here but I just need to vent what is first and foremost on my mind right now...
My non-A sister and I dont think that my parents should allow her back to their house when she is released because my A sister knows how to play them like a fiddle....but that's not our decision. So my Dad is trying to draw up a "contract" to keep her on course when she returns to their house and is asking for our input and wants to know that we are on board.
Here's what they have to far:
1. I guess my parents plan on tracking every minute of her day.
2. She goes to outpatient meetings, work, then will have to come back home and not be a minute late and she can't have their car to go anywhere else.
3. She can't have her old cell phone back....
My dad doesn't get it. He cant do this FOR her...but he's determined to. He even admitted that if my A sister went to live with a friend and not with my parents she'd probably stop going to the outpatient meetings.....
My parents plan on going to the first Nar-Anon meeting on Monday night. I have no idea what the format of these meetings is like but I want to go with them, explain to some experienced members there how my dad thinks he should about "dealing with this", and see if somebody can start to talk some sense into him! I know, I'm in total fantasy land here, arent' I?
we are in new territory here....
1. Any advice from others who have been in a similar situation?
2. If my parents insist on letting her return with a contract, are there any other suggestions for said contract?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I allowed my son to come home again many times, each time with rules and boundaries agreed upon.
Not once did he live up to his promises. The short time he did, he was resentful at "being treated like a child". My answer was that he could live at home abiding by our rules or I would love him just as much when he had to find another place to live.
Your parents rules may or may not work. I would add that any use or suspected use of any substance would be grounds for immediate eviction.
What they really need to decide is what they will do if/when the rules are broken and are they prepared to enforce the consequences including throwing her out?
My prayers go out for all of you, it's just not easy beng us.
Hugs
Not once did he live up to his promises. The short time he did, he was resentful at "being treated like a child". My answer was that he could live at home abiding by our rules or I would love him just as much when he had to find another place to live.
Your parents rules may or may not work. I would add that any use or suspected use of any substance would be grounds for immediate eviction.
What they really need to decide is what they will do if/when the rules are broken and are they prepared to enforce the consequences including throwing her out?
My prayers go out for all of you, it's just not easy beng us.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
NOthing wrong with setting boundaries. The hard part is enforcing them and dishing out appropriate consequences when the boundaries are crossed. My husband and I had a written contract with my AD and she quickly broke the rules. We dished out the written consequences. It was very difficult. She still was furious with us for months, because she got consequences for her own actions.
Here's something else to consider: Your parents also have their own process and (assuming you have given them your opinion once already) you are actually also powerless over them, as well as your sister. if they go to Nar-Anon mtgs, in time they also will learn what they can/want to do. So maybe it is time to let go, big sister. Easier said than done of course. It may be a long road for everyone. Pray and trust and try to let go.
Here's something else to consider: Your parents also have their own process and (assuming you have given them your opinion once already) you are actually also powerless over them, as well as your sister. if they go to Nar-Anon mtgs, in time they also will learn what they can/want to do. So maybe it is time to let go, big sister. Easier said than done of course. It may be a long road for everyone. Pray and trust and try to let go.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
but I want to go with them, explain to some experienced members there how my dad thinks he should about "dealing with this", and see if somebody can start to talk some sense into him! I know, I'm in total fantasy land here, arent' I?
Your parents will 'get it' when they 'get it' not one minute sooner.
You cannot fix them. You cannot fix your sister. The only person you can work on is YOURSELF. If you choose to go to an Al-Anon or Naranon meeting, please go for you. Your paents will stop enabling when they have had enough.
What are you going to doing for you? I know it is rough when there is a practicing A in the family and the whole family dynamic can become quite dysfunctional, but I have learned over the years that the only person I can really help is myself.
What your parents do or don't do .............................. is not your problem. What your sister does or doesn't do .................................... is not your problem. How you 'react' is your problem.
Saying an extra prayer for your sister and your whole family that the 'healing' may begin.
Love and hugs,
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, i agree with the others. hands off the addict and your parents. they will get it when they've had enough, beides, they'll probably hear what they need to hear as they continue to go to meetings. take care of you, pray and let god do the rest.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
