OT.....have you ever heard of this book?
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OT.....have you ever heard of this book?
I would like to know if anyone has read this book (or has an opinion) of the following book entitled Choosing Forgiveness/ Your Journey to Freedom.
It is by Nancy Leigh DEMoss. You can read an excerpt on Amazon, I think.
There is a passage in this book whereby the author states that the definition of unforgiveness is "Like drinking poison and hoping someone else will die."
I am really wrestling with forgiving . I just wondered if anyone else has encountered problems with forgiveness.
If anyone has any comments I'd appreciate them.
Dixied
It is by Nancy Leigh DEMoss. You can read an excerpt on Amazon, I think.
There is a passage in this book whereby the author states that the definition of unforgiveness is "Like drinking poison and hoping someone else will die."
I am really wrestling with forgiving . I just wondered if anyone else has encountered problems with forgiveness.
If anyone has any comments I'd appreciate them.
Dixied
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Location: FL
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I haven't read the book but I'm very familiar with the author and have listened to her share about this subject on the radio.
For many years, even before attending recovery meetings, I've made it my practice to forgive. Regardless of the fact that I know I need to forgive, and that it's the right thing to do for _me_ ...I have at times had problems with it.
What I do is use that slogan: "Fake it 'til you make it." and I act as if my emotions are lined up with my thoughts. I've also had several times...usually in relation to the same person or offense; where I have to do what I call 're-forgiving.'
I also pray for the person and ask my HP to help me let it go, stay out of the way and then keep away from situations that for me, breed resentments.
For many years, even before attending recovery meetings, I've made it my practice to forgive. Regardless of the fact that I know I need to forgive, and that it's the right thing to do for _me_ ...I have at times had problems with it.
What I do is use that slogan: "Fake it 'til you make it." and I act as if my emotions are lined up with my thoughts. I've also had several times...usually in relation to the same person or offense; where I have to do what I call 're-forgiving.'
I also pray for the person and ask my HP to help me let it go, stay out of the way and then keep away from situations that for me, breed resentments.
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Dixie:
I haven't heard of the book - but the quote is exactly what I was taught in Alanon - holding onto a resentment or anger only hurts me. "It is like me drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Usually the other person has gone on with their life - maybe not even knowing how hurt or angry I am.
I learned to forgive - even some "unforgiveable" childhood abuse - the justified anger kind of thing - so that I could move on with my life. It was hard to be "joyful" when my soul was "dark and angry". Forgiveness is an action - something I chose to take because it was best for me.
But forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting - and we probably aren't going to be "best friends".
I was also taught the AA model of praying for the person (I was "raised" in Alanon using AA's Big Book--we didn't have all the literature in the 80s that Alanon now has.) Praying for their health, happiness and prosperity - praying for everything that I want for myself for them (like a condo at the beach and financial security and good health). AA's Big Book says do it for 21 days. I've found that for some people it took much longer than that! But it is hard to hate someone when you are praying for good to come to them. (And you don't even have to mean it when you pray, you just do it.)
That is some of that "voo-doo monkey dust" stuff we learn about in recovery - and it worked for me!
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
I haven't heard of the book - but the quote is exactly what I was taught in Alanon - holding onto a resentment or anger only hurts me. "It is like me drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Usually the other person has gone on with their life - maybe not even knowing how hurt or angry I am.
I learned to forgive - even some "unforgiveable" childhood abuse - the justified anger kind of thing - so that I could move on with my life. It was hard to be "joyful" when my soul was "dark and angry". Forgiveness is an action - something I chose to take because it was best for me.
But forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting - and we probably aren't going to be "best friends".
I was also taught the AA model of praying for the person (I was "raised" in Alanon using AA's Big Book--we didn't have all the literature in the 80s that Alanon now has.) Praying for their health, happiness and prosperity - praying for everything that I want for myself for them (like a condo at the beach and financial security and good health). AA's Big Book says do it for 21 days. I've found that for some people it took much longer than that! But it is hard to hate someone when you are praying for good to come to them. (And you don't even have to mean it when you pray, you just do it.)
That is some of that "voo-doo monkey dust" stuff we learn about in recovery - and it worked for me!
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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I haven't read the book, but I do know that refusing to forgive someone else hurts me tremendously.
I think sometimes people confuse forgiving with forgetting, and that isn't the case at all. There are a lot of people I have forgiven, but that doesn't mean it's all lovey dovey, or that they are even a part of my life anymore. It's prudent to beware of who I let in my life.
My sponsor has always told me too to pray for someone I have a resentment against, every night, for two weeks. I must ask the same things for them that I want for myself...serenity, good health, friends, self-love,etc.
Man oh man does that prayer really stick in my craw the first few nights!
That has always worked for me. Sometimes I have to repeat that ritual again at some point for the same person, but in the end, true forgiveness does come.
I think sometimes people confuse forgiving with forgetting, and that isn't the case at all. There are a lot of people I have forgiven, but that doesn't mean it's all lovey dovey, or that they are even a part of my life anymore. It's prudent to beware of who I let in my life.
My sponsor has always told me too to pray for someone I have a resentment against, every night, for two weeks. I must ask the same things for them that I want for myself...serenity, good health, friends, self-love,etc.
Man oh man does that prayer really stick in my craw the first few nights!
That has always worked for me. Sometimes I have to repeat that ritual again at some point for the same person, but in the end, true forgiveness does come.
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The first time I prayed for someone I loathed, I told God we both know I don't mean it but I'm doing it anyway. I ended up crying tears of joy
It was March 20, 2008 and I posted about it here.
It was March 20, 2008 and I posted about it here.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i totally agree with jody, i remember having an acute case of unforgiveness which in turn was making me physically sick. i also believe that to forgive is an action, you chose then the emotion eventually follows. unforgiveness hurts the beholder more.
another thing that helped me was taking an inventory of myself, to see what part i played in the offenses against me. i eventually had to learn to forgive myself for allowing someone else to do what they did to me.
i've been told that you can't change others but i can change how i allow others to effect me.
another thing that helped me was taking an inventory of myself, to see what part i played in the offenses against me. i eventually had to learn to forgive myself for allowing someone else to do what they did to me.
i've been told that you can't change others but i can change how i allow others to effect me.
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