laney012862

I probably will not go into a whole lot at this time but I have a 20 yo son who my husband and myself turned in for xanax addiction. This is after he tried quitting himself, had a seizure, totaled our car and ended up in the hospital for 3 days. This was the first we knew of it. We thought the seizure and wreck would make him want to stay away from drugs but it didn't. When he came home drugged out we gave him the choice of rehab or we were calling the sheriff. Well needless to say he wouldn't go to rehab so he went to jail. He is now in drug court to get the felony off his record. He has been in this for over a year now and only has these last 80 days clean. He still wants to use though. Does it ever get better?

Chino

It gets better if they want it and it gets better for us if we want that too. Is your son working any kind of recovery program? Are you?

I wish you didn't have the need to find us but am glad you did. My 21 year old daughter is a former IV opiate addict who now has Hep C. I'd say she's in recovery but right now it's debatable.

I see a therapist (addiction specialist), attend 12 step meetings occasionally, and come here several times a day for experience, strength and hope. I don't post very often these days because I've begun to trust my own recovery and haven't needed a lot of advise, BUT I always need the reminders.

JMFburns

laney,

Welcome to SR, I'm sorry for why you found us, but glad that you decided to post.

My 28 yr old son is a prescription pain pill addict. He is currently on Suboxone, attending out patient treatment and living in a sober house. He was homeless for about 7 months prior to that.

I attend NarAnon and AlAnon and visit this site a couple times a week. After 2 years of faithful attendance on my part, I am beginning to be able to turn my son over to his HP (Higher Power) and focus on myself. I've lost so much of myself.

Good luck, remember the three c's: We didn't cause it (their addiction,) we can't control it and we can't cure it. We can only take care of ourselves.

My son has an ugly set of legal problems hanging over his head and when/if he is ever ready to tackle those, he'll need help - but there are places he can go for that as well. I didn't force him to write bad checks, try to fill a prescription that wasn't his or take money from someone for a car that wasn't his . . . I pray that if he works a recovery program that will show and arrangements can be made to deal with the issues.

Good luck and others will be along to share experience, strength and hope with you.

teke

hi laney, welcome. the addict in my life is my husband. when i first signed onto this site, i was nearly insane trying to cope with his addiction. i learned to focus on myself and allow my husband to focus on himself. i learned to step aside and allow him to suffer the consequences of his actions on his own. i'm a mother too, and i know how hard it is to watch my kids suffer so i do understand how you feel,

i think you guys did a very loving thing by giving him the choices you did and following through. i'm a recovering addict and my family sort of did the same for me. they allowed me to dig my own way out while they kept focusing on themselves. today i'm eternally grateful that god gave them the strength to let me fall on my own, maybe in time your son will see just how much parental love you have shown him by your actions. i pray that he gets it soon, and i pray for you to have the strength to continue to allow him to find his own way. hope this make some kind of sense.

Learn2Live

I'm glad you've found SR. This is a great place to learn and share, and be supported.

It is difficult to say whether or not "it gets better" or how much "better" it can get. Honestly, I don't even know how to define "better" when it comes to addiction because what you see is usually not what you get, and what you learn about what to "do" about addiction is so counter-intuitive, that you don't believe what you learn for a long time. Sometimes it feels like for every step forward you take five steps back. And sometimes it feels like smooth sailing for quite some time and then, something else happens and you jerk to a halt.

Eighty days is a long time and is great! I hope that gives you a good feeling. Please understand that Recovery is a process. The fact that your son has been introduced to the Recovery process at age 20 is great! He's got a headstart on a lot of people.

So, you may be afraid that he will finish his time and then go right back to the Xanax. And yes, he may very well do that. Your job is to breathe through it.

Remind yourself that recovery is a process. Every little bit of time he gets clean & sober, the more he learns. He will build on what he learns as time goes on. And don't you believe for one second that just because he is on drugs, he isn't aware of or responsible for what he is doing. He chooses to do and he knows EXACTLY what he is doing.

His thinking works the same way whether clean and sober (healthy), or not clean and sober (unhealthy). So, the more exposure he has to healthy, the "better" the things he learns and copies. The more exposure he has to unhealthy, the "worse" the things he learns and copies.

The message for you is: TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST. Get yourself strong and healthy, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. Because once you allow yourself to be sucked down by his sickness and the sickness he surrounds himself with, it is very difficult for you to get out. If you and his Dad start screaming and yelling and crying and being all dramatic and therefore, unhealthy, the less chance your son has of learning healthy. Have I just confused you? Sorry.

Are you and your husband "in crisis" about the recent events and the felony charges? If so, I would suggest talking to a counselor who has some experience in drug addiction FOR YOURSELVES.

I also suggest you start attending Al-Anon meetings. I find them to be much more available than Nar-Anon meetings but your area may be different. Both are excellent resources. You need to educate yourselves about addiction.

I hope that Electa doesn't mind: I suggest also that you take a look at some of Electa's posts. She has a daughter and is in a similar position as you.

Also, the best thing you can do for your son is (1) Don't enable him and (2) Try not to be negative but try to be encouraging instead.

Take care.

IPT

That was very strong of you to do that and the right thing. I only delt with a g/f and I imagine it is that much harder when it's your child. ****{hugs}}}

tjp613

You absolutely did the right thing although I know (from experience) it wasn't easy. You've probably got a rough road ahead of you and I'm so glad you've found SR. Now, find yourself an al-anon meeting and attend regularly. You're going to need the support.

Please keep us updated -- we do care how you're doing.

marle

Welcome to SR. I am the mom of a 23 year old daughter who has been clean for 15 months. It took losing most everything that she had before she became willing to give sobriety a try. It took a lot of pain for me to discover that I could be willing to give her to God and live my own life. You have found a good group of people here. So read around and learn all you can about addiction. Hugs, Marle

outtolunch

The most challenging thing about this was getting my head around how it is that I have absolutely no control or influence over my daughter, who recently turned 21.

It was a shock to my system to the point, I got Shingles ( highly unusual in someone in good health, at my age)...triggered by acute stress. Anyway,
it forced me to accept that addiction was not my battle to fight. I had to let go and take care of me or bust.

I know I did not cause it. I know I cannot control it. And I most definitely know I cannot cure it.

Sounds like you and your husband are making good decisions. You have given him the dignity of facing the consequences.

laney012862

Thank you all for your posts and help with how to deal with this. I am really at a complete loss of how to treat him. I have learned the 3 c's here (Makes sense to me). I don't know how to deal with his mood swings. He gets tested once a week so I know he's not using pot. Cocaine and xanax he can get by with though. I just want my son back so bad it scares me. My work is suffering, my sleep is suffering and heck my whole llife is suffering.

I go to my first Al-anon meeting tonight to hopefully help myself so I can do whatever I need to do to help him (even if it's letting him fall flat on his face).