she cheated, Im out
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: trenton kentucky
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she cheated, Im out
well i found out my wife found a connection in rehab. I said I could deal with what ever you did befor you go to rehab, but dont disrespect me and find someone. she crossed the line and I am out. I am talking to my lawyer monday, canceled her insurance, canceled her phone. She has alot of guilt and shame to deal with and that is enough. There is no reason asking questions about an addicts mind. I set a boundry and she crossed it. I am out. The future looks bright and I am ready to make my mark on life as a single man. The funny thing about addicts is they need time to deal with things, but when you say Im OUT, their toon changes. Dont use this as a tactic use it as vindication. She has to spend the rest of her life wondering what she lost and what she has done. I love her and hope she has a wonderfull life, I am just not going to worry about it. It will take me 2 years to get over a 14 year relationship, but saying no more was so empowering and self satisfying I am excited about what comes next. Will I ever get the answers I wanted? No.....But that is ok, like I said she is going to be in recovery the rest of her life, and to me that is a hell she has to deal with on her own. Get mad at your addict, lay down the law and walk away. The addict mind is twisted and selfish. Even if you just have to know WHY. Like I said MY addict is in her own hell the rest of her life, and to me that is satisfaction enough for all the hurt and pain she has left me. I dont speak addict and I never will, this is why people get lost in translation. I am going to be me and only me. Is it going to be hard YES, Unlike my addict I can deal with problems in my life. My only advice is to anyone out there, DONT BE SCARED TO LET GO, AND DONT BACK DOWN. They will tell you what you want to hear. TELL THEM IT IS TOO LATE. Good luck people I know what you are going Through, I may stop it from time to time, but its time to get on with my life!!!!!!!!
PS..If I get to a point I will post a letter I wrote her. This is some thing I wrote for her befor I found out. I still sent it to her. The title is my lovely wife and it is beautiful. I also put on the email the last letter I will ever send you...............:praying:praying
PS..If I get to a point I will post a letter I wrote her. This is some thing I wrote for her befor I found out. I still sent it to her. The title is my lovely wife and it is beautiful. I also put on the email the last letter I will ever send you...............:praying:praying
Cheating is most definitely a deal breaker, and sadly happens far too often when addiction is involved.
But often it seems that when we close the door on a relationship, the room was already empty. There is so much pain and history to repair and make amends for, there is sometimes more than can be healed and that's when moving on is a healthier choice for everyone.
Keeping you in my prayers. And know that we're here and we care as you go through this.
Hugs
But often it seems that when we close the door on a relationship, the room was already empty. There is so much pain and history to repair and make amends for, there is sometimes more than can be healed and that's when moving on is a healthier choice for everyone.
Keeping you in my prayers. And know that we're here and we care as you go through this.
Hugs
Last edited by Ann; 09-13-2009 at 02:01 AM.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
Wow, well written, and appreciated. I hoe that u stay the course. I will take power from your example and words. I am finding it hard to let go, but have no real proff of anything to help seal the deal. Barely any proof she even lied to me, but it is obvious she did. I am out, but not without small teathers I am still trying to break. You are right in the fact that they will live in their own difficult times. I know I have better coping skills than her but I forget that sometimes. Thanks for settng an excellent example.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: South Africa
Posts: 34
Shoo, you are angry, and rightfully so. Boundries is often the problem one sets, and with a loved one, well 14 years is another story. What your wife is doing is transferring and depending on another addict. This will create such a mess and is doomed anyway.
You have to take care of yourself now. Your anger might turn and I now you feel the weight of your world lifting from your shoulders and its a great feeling, but know that you can write if you feel down or lost with dispair.
The healing process is for you to kick start. You will need support now even though I admire you bravery, so keep us posted and remember to take one day at a time!!
You have to take care of yourself now. Your anger might turn and I now you feel the weight of your world lifting from your shoulders and its a great feeling, but know that you can write if you feel down or lost with dispair.
The healing process is for you to kick start. You will need support now even though I admire you bravery, so keep us posted and remember to take one day at a time!!
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I think relationship in rehabs are common. I know in my H's rehab they were VERY strict about spending time with the opposite sex. During that time they have so much in common with those in there and it does happen.
I'm, sorry, but am glad you've reached your breaking point. Good luck and it can be the start of a new, better life.
I'm, sorry, but am glad you've reached your breaking point. Good luck and it can be the start of a new, better life.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: trenton kentucky
Posts: 53
well I talked to her tonight and was calm. I told her I forgive her and I just want the best for her. The reason I forgave her is because I dont want to walk around with the anger and resentment. I know the big guy up stairs had a plan and this was time to throw in the towel. It is the best for both of us. We have dated since I was 19 and I am 33 and married to her now. The things we have been through together is too much to post. One thing is we both had a parent die within 3 yrs of each other. I was a partier in college, and still like to drink from time to time. This was one of our big hurtles. I have grown out of that lifestyle, and she moved deeper into it. I know we will always love eachother, but there is nothing left to hold onto in the marriage. I am ready to move on, and she says she is too(although it is hard to beleive an addict) and I know her well enough to know she will figure out how to cope with her strugle. I dont have to be married to her to love her, and the way you love someone can change over time, but it is still love. I wish her the best, and I know I am going to get over this challenge like I have with others in my life.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
You are in a good place my friend. It sounds like you are doing the right and healthy thing. It still amazes me how far down this road I have gone when the right thing seems so obvious from the outside. You seem to have found it from the inside and I admire you for that. I wish you the best of luck. Based on your writing you are a well grounded person with a vision and I have no doubt "luck" will be in your life.
Peace.
Peace.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: trenton kentucky
Posts: 53
thanks for the support everyone. No one said this stuff was easy LOL. But if you start thinking with your head and not your emotions the answers are there. I have always said life is just choices and options. Live with your choices and always use your options. When you run out of options other people are making your choices. And that is never a good thing.
:praying:praying
:praying:praying
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