Another thought/question
 

My husband I and are getting ready to leave for our little overnight anniversary trip, but I've been thinking about something all morning...

If my step-son really wanted to quit using drugs, and he was at rock-bottom, why didn't he seek treatment himself? (because he wanted the drugs more than he wanted to get better, right?)

We went to his town (2 hours from us), with a drug test in hand. He took the test and then confessed to being an addict. (because he agreed to take the test and to come back with us to get treatment, was that HIS was of seeking treatment? - were we still enabling him by doing this instead of making him do it alone?

So we get him into a detox center and the nurses say he's doing well. What if this is all BS? What if he's doing what he thinks he's supposed to do just so he can get out? Do you just wait to see by his actions after this that he is serious?

Sorry if I'm rambling, but how do/did all of you deal with these feelings? I hope it's normal to feel like I have multiple personalities right now (the pissed off one, the sad one, the disgusted one, the hopeful one, the fool, etc., etc., etc.)

i think only time will tell. pay attention to his actions and not just his words. above all, keep the focus on you. his recovery is totally up to him and so are your actions just in case he don't follow through. i pray he will do just fine, though.

kshisme, I've always said that Actions speak louder than words. In time you will be able to tell if your step son is serious about recovery.

And I can add several more personalities to your list, the enabler, the control freak, the Mom (God help me) the sick at heart. (those are just a few of my personalities) You are Not alone, we are here to walk this walk with you.

In the meantime, your step-son is safe. Go with this thought as you & your H enjoy your anniversary. Keep your thoughts only on you & your H.

Sending your hugs & prayers,
Chris

Some addicts get clean because they decide to. Others get clean because somebody/something intervenes, like the law or their families. Many times I have heard stories of addicts who did not want to stop, but got some clarity while in a)jail, b)rehab c)the hospital for some using-related illness or injury - and wound up then seeking recovery and staying clean. Or not. There is no formula for this stuff. Even in NA, we have places in our literature that says you just can't predict who will stay clean and who won't. You just can't tell and only time will tell. I do believe every addicts deserves at least the first time in treament with full support of the family. sometimes only one time is all it takes. Or they could be like my AD, who's been in and out of treatment 8 times and now is in jail. OR, they may never get it! Uggh, don't you with it was like some other disease - get a diagnosis, take a pill or surgery, get better - but its just not like that.

I'm not an addict, but I dated one. That qualifies me for nothing really but when I read this a thought just came into my mind that I wanted to share. I don't know that he wanted the drugs more than to get better. If my ex was even partially truthful I think that addicts truely do want to quit but the idea of rehab is just totally overwhelming and insurmountable to them. Thus they move toward it, talk about it, want the result of it, but cannot quite find the strength to step into the unknown and face their fears to actually commit to it. Seems to me that a lot of addicts have problems coping in general... imagine how overwhelming Rehab would seem!

Maybe that is why as stated some people end up there for reasons other than their own choice and then embrace it. They were forced over the fence and then once they were there realized it wasn't so scary after all. That the reward was worth it and they just might be able to get to that place they dreamed of after all.

Just my thoughts....

I truly believe that the drug use is a symptom of an underlying issue that somtimes even the addict is not aware of.

We all have things in our lives that are difficult to cope with...that cause us pain. For some, it's easier to just escape.

I have two children (grown) that were both raised in the same environment, have the same "bumps in the road" in their youth (like the divorce). One is an addict, the other isn't.

Rehab is great for teaching an addict coping skills (i.e. situations that will cause them to use = "triggers", how their mindset works, etc.). Then it's up to them from there. Like the others said, I think only time will tell.

If it were up to me (in a perfect world), all addicts would receive intense personal counseling. If we had the time and resources, we would dig and dig and dig until we found that issue (or issues) that made them feel the need to use in the first place.

I think the best thing you can do, since there isn't a hard and fast answer to your question, is to have that "actions speak louder than words" attitude. And please remember you can't control this thing...it's entirely up to him. You can be supportive, but don't run yourself crazy trying to figure out whether he's using again or what you can do to ensure he doesn't. It will make your life the most chaotic H**l you've ever been through.

Good luck and stay in touch. We're here for you.