sleepygoat

7

Yes, we got a call from the jail this afternoon, from some clerk or something. My AD must have got picked up on some traffic violation or something and the Juvenile warrant of 3 years came up, (Miracle #1), and they actually followed thru and extridited her to Warren County (maracle #2), and she's at least stuck there until the hearing on Friday, including tomorrow which is her 21st birthday. (Miracle #3 - that she'll make it to 21 alive!) I"m sure she's morose as hell about spending her birthday in jail, but I'm tickled pink.

I hope & pray she is NOT released on friday, nor that any sort of bail is set which her idiot, enabler BF will rush to pay. My fervent hope is that she is sentenced to jail time, followed by mandatory rehab, followed by mandatory halfway house, followed by mandatory probation, mandatory meetings, mandatory urine tests.... Unlikely, but a mom can dream, after all!

Now the question is: Do I visit her on her birthday? (I'd bring her an NA Basic Text- I have two myself so I can certainly spare one - and a single pack of smokes.) Prior to her arrest, I had no chance of seeing her on her birthday- she hasn't spoken to me since June. But do I want to? What if she's in verbally abusive addict-who- is-clean-against-her-will mode and I wind up in tears? What if she's charming and sweet and manipulates me to do what she wants (no chance - I've come too far for that!) Or, do I go and visit, give her the 'gifts', and do all this just because I wish to acknowledge my only child's birthday??

:day2 It would be fun to see her in an orange jumpsuit!!

CatsPajamas

Geez, SG, that's a hard one. I don't have any advice, just hugs from mom to mom

Impurrfect

(((Sleepy)))

I'm glad she's safe and you know where she is. I'm surprised they let them smoke..none of our county/city jails let you smoke.

Knowing me, I would probably visit if they let me, but just for a short time. Don't know if that would be wrong or right, I just think it's what I would do.

You know, no matter what you decide to do, we will support you completely.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

truthhurts

If I were you, I would examine my motives for wanting to visit her. If you think you can maintain some detachment and emotional distance during your visit, then do it. If you think that showing up with the Basic Text in the hopes of getting her to "see the light" (boy have I been there, done that MANY MANY times!!!), then maybe stay home.

I just have to ask -- are you allowed to bring inmates cigarettes in your county? Here in PA, that is totally against the rules. Either way, I wouldn't bring her cigs. Why reward her? But that is just me.

Hope you come to the decision that is best for YOU. Hugs!

sleepygoat

I was in county jail in 1991 and we were allowed to smoke in a common-room. Things may have changed a ton since then, though. I don't know. As far as the Basic Text, she already had one and left it at some rehab or other. She told me maybe 6 months ago that she sometimes read it while smoking crack (I used to do the same thing sometimes, years ago, on my own relapses.) 'Course she's could have just made that up to score points with mom. The idea of having nothing but a basic text in jail does appeal to me - "Happy Birthday, loser. Here's a Basic Text for your birthday!" Oh my, I'm bad.

ThirteenYears

Mother to mother, go see your baby on her birthday. She may be a Bad Girl, a Wild Maury's Teen in behaviour, but she's also a person with feelings. As mom, you have to consider those feelings on her day. No preaches and speeches -- take the day off -- celebrate her having a claim on that day.

Call the jail and find out what she can have, then bring her a package and, leave her some money. What she do with it will be on her, it's her birthday, it comes only once a year.

ThirteenYears

teke

i think maybe you could do what you think would be best for you to do for your peace of mind. what could you do that you would be at peace about doing? if you decide to visit, tell her teke said HAPPY BIRTHDAY.