Old School Update
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: BFE
Posts: 116
Old School Update
Hi ladies! Still see a couple of the girls that helped me get through some hard times here! 
The last time I was here (in October 2008) I made "list" of things I wanted my ABF to do...
"Originally Posted by Trying_in_Texas
So here's the list...
1. He needs to get a job. Being part of his family is not a job, IMO.
2. He needs to get his own place and take care of it... that includes paying bills, keeping it clean, not causing it to light on fire... etc.
3. He needs to be responsible for his stuff and take care of it... vehicle, ealth insurance, generaly 'Big Boy' stuff. "
Everyone got mad at me for making a "list", but I'm a LIST PERSON so forgive me!
Anyway, the funny thing is that once I got rid of figuring it all out, he did ALL of these things (you can go back to the archives if you are at all interested - this has been almost 5 years in the makling) - i.e., got a job, a place, a truck (better than mine!) and manages it all. And, because all of this is actually taking place - and staying in place - we are now ENGAGED and getting married in April!
That being said, NOTHING is a sure bet, and there's always the possibility that he will "go back" to the old ways. I guess there's always the possibility that anyone could hurt me in some way... but the weird thing is that I know what his "issue" is - I've known this guy for 5 years, and I'm not worried that he's going to cheat on me, steal from me, hit me, etc.... I know what the possibilities are, and it is worth the risk to me. Because I believe he is the one.
Long haul... lot of changes... and eight months in rehab (for him) and eight months alone (for me) plus a year and a half apart before that... I'm not saying it is the perfect equation, but I'm so happy I could burst. Not quite sure I ever thought I would say that on this site!!!
Also, my mom will have FIVE years of sobriety in November!!!
I hope everyone is doing well and that regardless of how, everyone finds the peace they are looking for!!! GOD BLESS!
The last time I was here (in October 2008) I made "list" of things I wanted my ABF to do...
"Originally Posted by Trying_in_Texas
So here's the list...
1. He needs to get a job. Being part of his family is not a job, IMO.
2. He needs to get his own place and take care of it... that includes paying bills, keeping it clean, not causing it to light on fire... etc.
3. He needs to be responsible for his stuff and take care of it... vehicle, ealth insurance, generaly 'Big Boy' stuff. "
Everyone got mad at me for making a "list", but I'm a LIST PERSON so forgive me!
Anyway, the funny thing is that once I got rid of figuring it all out, he did ALL of these things (you can go back to the archives if you are at all interested - this has been almost 5 years in the makling) - i.e., got a job, a place, a truck (better than mine!) and manages it all. And, because all of this is actually taking place - and staying in place - we are now ENGAGED and getting married in April!
That being said, NOTHING is a sure bet, and there's always the possibility that he will "go back" to the old ways. I guess there's always the possibility that anyone could hurt me in some way... but the weird thing is that I know what his "issue" is - I've known this guy for 5 years, and I'm not worried that he's going to cheat on me, steal from me, hit me, etc.... I know what the possibilities are, and it is worth the risk to me. Because I believe he is the one.
Long haul... lot of changes... and eight months in rehab (for him) and eight months alone (for me) plus a year and a half apart before that... I'm not saying it is the perfect equation, but I'm so happy I could burst. Not quite sure I ever thought I would say that on this site!!!
Also, my mom will have FIVE years of sobriety in November!!!
I hope everyone is doing well and that regardless of how, everyone finds the peace they are looking for!!! GOD BLESS!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Wahoooo!!!
Hahaha! I totally remember you! :-)
My girlfriend and her husband met on a drug deal.... addiction life was crazy..... so they split up.... got clean ..... and now work a life of recovery together! She said she kept (or keeps) having him jump through hoop after hoop! (Like your list!)
Very kewl!
Thanks for the update!!
My girlfriend and her husband met on a drug deal.... addiction life was crazy..... so they split up.... got clean ..... and now work a life of recovery together! She said she kept (or keeps) having him jump through hoop after hoop! (Like your list!)
Very kewl!
Thanks for the update!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Yeah... I get it.... you were alone during those 8 months he was gone.
I had that same conviction as you - so I totally "got you"! Thing is..... his addiction won.... he was clean for 30 days MAX in a year. He was always doing something..... just couldn't deal without it. Maybe the methadone would have been the answer - but I doubt it - cause he abuses that too!!! IDK - it's his battle. I stayed in my recovery though..... LOTS of my own relapses in co-dependency ...... but his addiction just over ran me - I was in the sickness just as much as him (Just without the high!). And towards the end - I found out he cheated on me.... and this is when he considered himself to be clean or not so bad because it was ritalin and not oxy.
Wishing you both lots of luck! I believe in this happening. I KNOW couples personally who work and work and work through it IN LOVE... THE LOVE wins..... but it's so far and few between! First sign of it happening is when there is mutual respect in each new day! It's AMAZING! It's not easy - but how rewarding!!!!!
LOVE IT!
I had that same conviction as you - so I totally "got you"! Thing is..... his addiction won.... he was clean for 30 days MAX in a year. He was always doing something..... just couldn't deal without it. Maybe the methadone would have been the answer - but I doubt it - cause he abuses that too!!! IDK - it's his battle. I stayed in my recovery though..... LOTS of my own relapses in co-dependency ...... but his addiction just over ran me - I was in the sickness just as much as him (Just without the high!). And towards the end - I found out he cheated on me.... and this is when he considered himself to be clean or not so bad because it was ritalin and not oxy.
Wishing you both lots of luck! I believe in this happening. I KNOW couples personally who work and work and work through it IN LOVE... THE LOVE wins..... but it's so far and few between! First sign of it happening is when there is mutual respect in each new day! It's AMAZING! It's not easy - but how rewarding!!!!!
LOVE IT!
Last edited by Abundance; 08-28-2009 at 11:09 PM. Reason: more to say
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Marshall, TX
Posts: 84
Thanks for sharing. It's so rare now to hear someone, at this forum or anywhere else, say "I'm so happy I could burst.", that it's like a breath of fresh air.
Sounds like maybe your "list" was some form of setting your boundaries (i.e. "I'm not going to be with someone who can't....). From the way you described it, you didn't try to force or control him into doing it and he did it on his own.
Congratulations and best wishes for your happy future!
Sounds like maybe your "list" was some form of setting your boundaries (i.e. "I'm not going to be with someone who can't....). From the way you described it, you didn't try to force or control him into doing it and he did it on his own.
Congratulations and best wishes for your happy future!
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