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whats after rehab

Old 08-28-2009, 03:17 PM
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whats after rehab

after rehab what should I do. My wife is in rehab for opiates and is being released in a little over a week. They are suggesting a halfway house. Is their anyway for her to move back with me and still have the help from a halfway house so I can stay out of the way of her recovery, but still have her home? Any suggestions will help.
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Old 08-28-2009, 03:33 PM
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I am by far no expert. I am struggleing with my AH relasping but I can tell you that if she has the opportunity to go to a halfway house take it.
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Old 08-28-2009, 04:02 PM
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Leznew, is having her home something you want or something she wants?

I ask because the recommendation to stay in a halfway house is a good one that will help her stabilize in the "real" world while surrounded by support.

They say that the real recovery begins after you leave rehab, this is when you get to test your tools/coping skills. My prayers go out for you and her that she does whatever she needs to do to stay well.

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Old 08-28-2009, 04:24 PM
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In my experience halfway houses can be a great asset or another enabler. Here is why,,,a good halfway house will have drug tests, meetings, and rules. You will know by talking with the people who run the facility and asking questions about the house and it's rules and if there are AA or NarAnon Meetings etc. Now, you can also find other halfway houses that are no more than a boarding house for addicts which in my opionion can quicky lead to relapse.

I was in many halfway houses years ago when my boyfriend of 3 years was trying to get off opiates so I do have experience with them...In fact, for one year i was in and out of many of them visiting him. My best advice would be too find a good halfway house and let her go there for awile till she stablizes in her recovery before jumping back into living together.

For the record my boyfriend never lasted long at any of them. He would either find a buddy in the house and they would go out and use together and not return...or he would use drugs go back to the house be drug tested and then they would kick him out. Of course, he wasn't serious about being sober so anywhere you put him he relapsed. I do believe though if your wife is committed to recovery and she is in a good halfway house she will do well. Many of my ex's friends really sobered up and got their acts together by staying there and stabilizing in their recovery before returning home.
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Old 08-28-2009, 04:58 PM
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I don't know much about halfway houses. My daughter was planning on living in one after rehab, but couldn't find one that wasn't full within 150 miles of our hometown. Tells you something about the epidemic of addiction, doesn't it? So you are not alone. My daughter wound up renting a room from NA members, and lives next door to her NA sponsor, so I don't worry too much.

There is one thing I would like to share with you, though, that I was totally unprepared for and you may not be either if this is your first time dealing with addiction.

If you do bring your wife to your house, please be aware that her thought processes will not be back to normal for quite some time. Just because the drug is out of her system physically doesn't mean her mind has healed. There is no way she can explain to you what she has been through and is still going through as she tries to heal.

At a halfway house, (if she gets a good one as stated by another poster), she will be surrounded by people who have the same disease and have had the same or very similar experiences, which will help her readjust to the "real world". She will also make some valuable friendships there that will help her in maintaining her sobriety.

Of course, there are positives about her coming home, too. If there are children involved it may be better for her to be home. Just weigh your pros and cons and I'm sure the two of you will make the right decision.

Check out the local resources available to you. She would attend meetings while staying at a halfway house, but those are available anyway. She would have to be self-motivated in attending from home as opposed to required when living in a halfway house. Some houses provide individual counseling as part of their services, but there could be a local organization that you could get those from.

Prayers are going out for you and keep us updated. The people here care and there's tons of wisdom here, too.
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Old 08-28-2009, 05:07 PM
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Thanks for the input. I am going to talk to her tonight and we can discuss what to do. Like I told her Wednsday, listen to her doctors, they are trying to help you. On top of that I am still trying to recover from our codependence issues and so is she.
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Old 08-28-2009, 05:13 PM
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i went to a halfway house yrs ago, relapsed and i've also gone home straight from detox and relapsed. i think it depends the individual, how ready and willing is the addict to do what it takes to stay sober. getting sober is the easy part and detox/rehab is just the beginning.

i think the longer the stay, the better the chance. i think a halfway house(controlled enviroment) would be good for her and possible for you too,but the choice belongs to you guys.
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Old 08-28-2009, 10:23 PM
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I think "good" halfway houses are quite the blessing. Good luck in whatever you choose.
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Old 08-30-2009, 10:44 AM
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I am in the same boat. My fiance is still in treatment for the next 21 days or so, so we still have a little bit of time to discuss the issue. However I believe he is coming HOME when he is chipped out. I too am working on my codependency issues within myself. However I do wish for him to come home so we can start out our sober lives together...a new start. But I too am nervous.
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Old 08-30-2009, 01:03 PM
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my problem is she wont call. Now I am moving home and I need to do something with her stuff. I will still give her a chance but she has to prove herself. It is just frustrating when you can not even tell your wife your moveing home to save up some money. The reason I had to make this decision is because she wont call. I have left messages at the treatment center and we discussed what she was going to do when she left. I told her she could not move back home right now and she has not called back. I assume she has figured out what to do but it still hurts. The treatment center suggested 6 months in a halfway house. Then we were just having a conversation about how much we love each other. I told her to listen to the doctors. I am standing my ground. The problem is Her family will probibly get involved and move her home too. They are the other enablers in her life and her mom has not reached out to me at all since this happened. I know how she thinks, and she thinks it is my fault some how. I know the 3c's. Something else she said the other night that kind of bothered me is she said she was so sorry........and I know you are too. I am sorry for not listening to some of the warning signs, but if you dont whats really going on what am I suppposed to do. You want to beleive your wife.
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Old 08-30-2009, 02:48 PM
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At this point, it sounds as though, and I hate to tell you this, she may be moving on with her life alone for now. And is afraid to tell you about it. Don't push her into coming with you home for now, because it never works to force it. She may grow in her recovery to want to be back with you, or she may not. It isn't anything that we can control. People "find themselves" in recovery when they work it right, and a lot of times they don't want the same things they did before they got clean. That is a painful truth. All I can suggest is to live your life to the fullest and give it to God for now. Let her free...it's all you can do. Are there any children in the mix?

Love,
KJ
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Old 08-30-2009, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by leznew View Post
"I told her she could not move back home right now and she has not called back......." " I told her to listen to the doctors. I am standing my ground.......
I picked these statements to urge you to hold on to. My thoughts and prayers are with you in doing this. It's not easy, I know.

You seem so bright and insightful in all your posts. Good luck on your journey. This will work its way out one way or another, but I do understand your frustration in wanting communication from your spouse and wanting to be able to believe that communication.

Take care of you first and foremost, and please keep us posted on your situation. We really do care.
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