So I lost it....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
I probably should have (and I was going to edit it but forgot) said what I was strivign for was a healthy relationship with an active lifestyle...with someone who was attractive. I am very active in the outdoor activites and usually do not find a lot of women there that I find pretty. She was, beautiful in fact so it was a rarity I did not want to let go. Sadly, the "healthy" part was missing in her and I was tying to "fix her" to make it all work out (if that makes any sense).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
"fix her" was probably not the term I should have used. In a sense though I guess it was what I was doing. It just seems so strange to me that in a relationship when a partner verbalizes things they want to change that the other partner should just stand back, not offer encouragement, or point out when they may be going astray. Especially when they straight forward tell you they do not know how to get to that goal and need help getting there. Maybe that is all a part of their manipulation.
If my partner said they were going to run a marathon and then started getting sporadic with their training I would certainly bring that up and wonder what was going on. I’d encourage them to get back on track. Hopefully they would be healthy enough to communicate what was going on and why they were doing what they were. After while if it became obvious it wasn’t important to them and the actions weren’t there I’d drop it (and sadly most people in addiction do not communicate well making it even harder for us). It wouldn’t affect my life if they didn’t do a marathon. In the context of our addicted partners it DOES directly affect us, our relationship, and our life if they don’t do that “marathon” (get clean). So how could we not try and fight, or try and “fix it”. The only other option is to just walk away and move on. Sometimes that may be what needs to be done, but I don’t think most people give up on things that easily, at least I don’t.
If my partner said they were going to run a marathon and then started getting sporadic with their training I would certainly bring that up and wonder what was going on. I’d encourage them to get back on track. Hopefully they would be healthy enough to communicate what was going on and why they were doing what they were. After while if it became obvious it wasn’t important to them and the actions weren’t there I’d drop it (and sadly most people in addiction do not communicate well making it even harder for us). It wouldn’t affect my life if they didn’t do a marathon. In the context of our addicted partners it DOES directly affect us, our relationship, and our life if they don’t do that “marathon” (get clean). So how could we not try and fight, or try and “fix it”. The only other option is to just walk away and move on. Sometimes that may be what needs to be done, but I don’t think most people give up on things that easily, at least I don’t.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
IPT... I tried so dang hard to stay in a relationship where there was addiction. I tried by looking at my character defects.... what malfunctions I had within me and how I re-acted. How I re-acted to addiction when it came to him..... was way different in how I would re-act to lets say a friend or sibling. That was maddening to me.
I thought that if only I was strong enough in my sense of self - that I would be able to handle it! BUT the truth of the matter is..... I couldn't. I probably could have held in longer if it weren't for the fact that I'm a mother, and then also the infidelity.
Anywho - yes... like you said about walking away and moving on - it's what has to be done for the sake of EVERYONE!
I didn't want to "fix" my guy- I just wanted to be able to give our connection the respect it deserved..... but I couldn't do that on my own. Eventually - I started questioning just what I was getting out of it. I was getting plenty out of it - otherwise I wouldn't have put up with so much BS. Towards the end- I wound up getting not very much at all out of the R - and while it had only been a few months compared to a near 3 year R - that is where I would have the internal battle. Or he'd say we've been through worse - that we could get through this! :::sigh:::
You'll be okay IPT....... so cool that you are going out on this trip! AND solo too!!! You'll have much to think about.
I leave tomorrow too, for my trip to WA! woo hoo!!!!!
Safe travels and journey!
xoxoxo
I thought that if only I was strong enough in my sense of self - that I would be able to handle it! BUT the truth of the matter is..... I couldn't. I probably could have held in longer if it weren't for the fact that I'm a mother, and then also the infidelity.
Anywho - yes... like you said about walking away and moving on - it's what has to be done for the sake of EVERYONE!
I didn't want to "fix" my guy- I just wanted to be able to give our connection the respect it deserved..... but I couldn't do that on my own. Eventually - I started questioning just what I was getting out of it. I was getting plenty out of it - otherwise I wouldn't have put up with so much BS. Towards the end- I wound up getting not very much at all out of the R - and while it had only been a few months compared to a near 3 year R - that is where I would have the internal battle. Or he'd say we've been through worse - that we could get through this! :::sigh:::
You'll be okay IPT....... so cool that you are going out on this trip! AND solo too!!! You'll have much to think about.
I leave tomorrow too, for my trip to WA! woo hoo!!!!!
Safe travels and journey!
xoxoxo
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
