lost84

hey everyone!! so i went out for drinks with the date.. some parts of him reminded me of my ex right away and i was very unsure.. i had a great time though it was nice to just get out with someone new! after drinks though sure enough he asked if i wanted a line... LOL i swear you cant find guys in this city who dont do some type of drug!! he isnt an addict but i am done with that before it even started.. im not interested in any way nor will i stick with this and become attached as i think i can get attached to men so easily...

the guy just came off as total player.. today ive felt guilty and hungover haha it been so long since ive drank as i hate hangovers and drinking in general...
im not sure why im feeling guilty? my thoughts today while in bed have been of my ex and the new girl and their relationship. being out drinking with a new boy was hard cuz thats what i did with my ex...

i am very happy i went i just dont like dating lol and its so hard to find the right person or someone who your even interested in.

did anyone else have the "why cant we be friends" feeling with the ex addicted partners?

Blackrose56

Maybe you need to take some time and find out why you are attracted to those kind of men. And doing a line??? He's an addict. Why does drinking have to be part of your life? That is why it reminded you of your ex. You are doing the exact same thing. Drinking is not a part of my life. I do not go to bars. Do not have anything to do with people who drink. I work with some people who drink and they have invited me to go out with them. And I politely have said I do not drink. And those that know my history respect that I can't go to a bar. It hurts too much to know what drinking has caused in my life...with my kids...with both of my exs and with friends and other family members. This is no joke!! People die as a result of drinking and drugging. I watched a 16 year old boy being revived after he od'd in my apartment (long story). My step-daughter died at the age of 19 from drugs. My daughter od'd on some drug and alcohol that we will never know what it was. Her friends spiked her drink. I myself, have taken a break to discover who I am and what I want from my life. I don't want to continue finding myself falling into the old life.

teke

to me, he sounds like a potential addict if not already one. i think you are doing the right thing to move on from this one too.

rose

Lost,

I am glad you went out, signs that you are growing stronger. Plus you saw red flags even before he was kind enough to offer you a line! Unreal!


Rose

splendra

I am glad you saw the red flag! Wanting to do a line on the first date would indicate being an addict to me. God I wish my H had asked me if I wanted to do a line on our first date cause it sure would have been the last time I saw him.

I have a suggestion...give yourself sometime and be gentle with yourself. The fact that your ex has someone new does not mean there is something wrong with you.

Learn to love yourself. It is okay to not be in a relationship with a significant other in order to get our mind on straight.

People like us need to know the difference between hormonal uprisings and love. People of child bearing age would do well to understand the drive for reproduction; that no other instinct in humans is stronger with the exception of survival. The younger you are the higher your hormone levels are. What feels like love or the need for love may in reality be rising reproductive hormone levels.

Please let me learn to use the brain that God gave me.

Abundance

woah....... never took that into consideration........ going to look into it.

Ann

Have you asked yourself what YOU want in a relationship? Until you set boundaries on what is right for you, until you take time to know a person well before heading out on a date, until you "up" your standards on the kind of person who will treat you well, respect who you are and bring as much to the relationship as you give...you will be doomed to being a magnet to those who will simply repeat the past.

Taking time to heal, taking time to enjoy life without counting on another person to make it fun and better, taking time to realize that the key to your happiness is not held by another person but is held by you and has been all along, will help you make healthier choices in the future.

I'm hearing what your ex did and does, and what your new date does, but what about you? When is the last time that you just took time to focus on you and living a healthy life? Sick attracts sick and healthy attracts healthy.

Nobody else can take away our pain, nobody else can "make our lives happy again". Only we can do that by working through the pain and finding inner peace that gives us clarity to make better choices once we heal.

You can get all the dates you want if you set your standards low enough. It's the quality relationships that take time, take getting to know the person well and spotting red flags along the way.

Hugs

Butterfly14

Hi Lost, In my experience we tend to attract the same partners over and over becuase the problem isn't really out there it is in here. The thing is you have to get to know YOU better and figure out what is going on inside of you that draws you to addicts, party boys, bad boys, etc. there is a reason and it is usually about the childhood in some way and the type of parenting we had. Once you figure some of that out you can begin to understand the why of your attractions....now that won't stop it but it will give you the opportunity to become more conscious of your choices and begin to make healthier ones. What helped me the most in this regard was therapy and a 12 step program. I am still drawn like a moth to a flame to the bad boys or should i say broken boys but now i see it all coming and either avoid it or get out much quicker.

Think of it all as a journey and you are on now on the road to healing!