kristyk1

I'm pretty new to this whole getting screwed over by addiction thing. My brother has been an addict for as long as I can remember, but at the beginning of this year, we took him in as he went through rehab, only to find out that he was using for most of the time he was here. We asked him to leave last week. It was a heated conversation and a lot of mean-spirited things were said.

In the beginning though, I was so joyful that he was here. I bragged about his progress to everyone who would listen. I praised God everyday.

After he left last week, he went right back to his old stomping grounds around the same old people. But today, he asked my mom to go to a NA meeting with him. My heart skipped a beat when I found out.

But I feel like I shouldn't share this with anyone because most likely, he probably won't stay away from drugs. It's just that I want to have hope that he will.

Is anyone else afraid to share their joy for fear that tomorrow, their addict will be right back at square one?

Abundance

I don't think it's so much that I fear that my hope will be stomped on...... it's more like I fear how I'm going to re-act. I fear how my feelings/moods are reliant on whether he used or wasn't using. I craved having consistency - which you will not have with an addict in your life and/or are totally detached.

I support recovery.... and I learned after the first relapse of many relapses that it was best to just keep their recovery up to them.... meaning - I wouldn't talk about it because.... people don't understand.... and it just took so much energy. Like even trying to explain it - is taking energy.

Your brother's addiction/recovery is for him to own and to talk about! You, on the other hand, can be totally stoked about your recovery!!!! :-)

Freedom1990

Here's my take on that. Anything that my 31 year old AD says/does, I view with a great deal of caution because there's a good chance it's manipulation. I think it's wise to be prudent with an addict with a track record like my daughter's.

If memory serves me correctly, after you made your brother leave, didn't your mother also make him leave after he first got back home?

Sounds like a 'grease' job to me to get back in Mom's good graces and her home, if he's not already back in the home.

justtired

This reminded me of how not long ago I came on here and proclaimed that my abf is really trying to figure out if he's an addict. I was so proud and so sure that he was really wanting and doing what was best for him. Boy did I feel like a sucker when I was back here a couple weeks later admitting that it was all talk and manipulation. LOL

We get our hopes up because we care about them and want to share our joy when we see some hope. After a time or two, we figure out that we need to be a little more cautious and take a wait-and-see attitude. There's nothing wrong with sharing if you think someone is doing well, especially to your close friends etc. who care about you. Everyone understands that hopes can be dashed. You just don't want to keep having your hopes dashed, thus the proceed with caution method!

kristyk1

Yes, Devon & Crew... my mom did tell him he couldn't stay there, and so far he hasn't, but you're probably right on about him trying to smooth things over with her. And I guess I need to think of this as my recovery time too and not just be proud of his successes.

This is definitely a journey I would never choose for myself. There's so much uncertainty. Sometimes I feel like I never even lived a life before he came to stay with us, that's how wrapped I was in his recovery.

Thanks again, oh wise ones .

Kristy

teke

i agree with the others. proceed with caution. rejoice with caution one day at a time. for me, my hopes has been dashed so many times until, i can't get too caught up into my ah recovery or my level of expectations would rise. relapse is so common until, i think i would rather just wait and let time tell the story.

cherrie1

I felt the same way with my son. Even when he first went out to CA and was doing great for a year I was hesitant to say that because you just never know. As time went on I would say he is very happy and has a job he loves but you always seem to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. And unfortunately it did. If people ask and you feel he is doing ok and want say something just say he seems to be doing well. After a while most people stop asking.

lil516

Unfortunately too often it is "hope for the best but prepare for the worst"

my prayers for you and your family