IPT

So I sit here today and reflect. Reflect on what my ex may be doing. That her life is filled with drama and depression, lack of motivation and responsibility, most likely always will be. It always has been, her family all play into it and round and round it goes. It’s all she has and all she surrounds herself with (and I thought I would be the Knight in shining armor and give her the life she always wanted, told she wanted...what a dumb a** I was).

So I am pissed that I wasted 4 years of my life for nothing. She may have cared for me, maybe even really wanted “that life” she convinced me she did. Still, in the end it all seems like a big lie and that I wasted 4 years of my life believing her words.

It makes me sad. I know I have grown from it, but jeeze, did it have to take so dang long, and be so painful to get here? This place helped, but I didn’t find it until 2 years in. Then it took 2 years to get out! I just keep needing to remind myself (or be reminded…hint, hint) that she didn’t do it on purpose. That I should have empathy for her, and not hatred. That my life will be happier without all the drama and let downs. That a healthy and happy relationship is in my future. A friend last night told me she saw me go from the glass half full guy to the glass is half empty guy over the course of my relationship. I’m forgetting how bad it was, how it affected me, how even if she started to change today it would take YEARS for her to “get better”, if she ever even did.

I need a boost today, a reality check, and I know you all are just the people to lend a helping hand….

Impurrfect

(((IPT)))

Does it make you feel any better if I tell you it took me over TWENTY years to get to where you're at?

I went through the phase where I was angry at all the time I had "wasted", at how "stupid I was", etc. I think this was after the phase where I blamed him for everything.

At some point I realized I had a part in it, it wasn't all bad, some of it was good, and now it's history.

I'm not in a relationship right now, because I'm honestly not ready for one. I still have a bit of work to do on me, to make sure I don't choose anyone similar to the 3 A's I chose.

However, I do have a good life. I have great friends, I don't focus on what someone else needs or wants. My job sucks and I'm looking for another one, but heck....half the country is in the same boat. It's all in the attitude. It takes a while to get over the grief, and it IS grief.

Then one day, you wake up and you realize you just feel pretty darned good. And then you realize you're having a lot of days like this....this is your new life.

When I think of the 20+ years I "wasted"...nah, they weren't wasted. They were a part in making me who I am. Sure, it would have been nice if I'd figured out things earlier, but I didn't. Those days are gone. I choose to look at today and the opportunities I still have available to me.

FWIW, I thought I would NEVER get past the relationships. I did. We do move on.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

laurie6781

I don't believe you wasted 4 years.

I know that I do not believe that the 24 years I spent drinking (22 of them alcoholically) were wasted. They were exactly what I needed to get me where I am today .......................... 28+ years sober and clean. They are part of my ES&H, a very important part, that have helped me tremendously in 'working with others', in 'finding out what within me was wrong' etc

Those 4 years have started to give you a better insight into YOU. Where the 'need' to be a 'white knight' comes from. Where the 'need' to fix another, etc

You have learned from this. You have learned from this in HP's time not yours. Those 4 years have now become part of your ES&H. You will use what you have learned for the rest of your life. You will also, I hope, continue to work on YOU.

I look on my 24 years of drinking and using as a 'gift of learning.' I hope you can look at those 4 years as a 'gift of learning' in the future.

Sometimes it takes a 'physical action' to help us to start thinking in the positive instead of the negative. For me, I had to look at whatever I was drinking at the moment, water, coffee, juice, ice tea and say out loud "The glass is half full." I had to remind myself repeatedly that the container was HALF FULL not half empty.

It was as I started to change to a 'positive attitude' that I was able to stop beating myself up.

I hope you too can find the 'positive attitude.

Love and hugs,

Freedom1990

Well, let's see. I think we'll count my sick codependency days from first meeting hubby #2 (the first hubby was a decent all-American guy, too boring for me).

He was the whiskey-swilling, meth-slamming psychotic convicted felon. That would have been roughly September of 1981. He was fresh out of the penitentiary (for the 2nd time-armed robbery charges for starters) when I met him.

I finally hit my codependent bottom in July of 1999 when the ex-fiance walked out on me.

That's almost 18 years of stark raving insane untreated codependency.

The gentleman who is now my sponsor and has been for roughly 19 years is a blackbelt AA and Alanon.

He started talking to me about my untreated codependency in 1986 when I first met him. Figuratively speaking, I stuck my fingers in my ears and sang loudly when it came to listening to him.

So it took another very long and painful 13 years before I started to listen and apply recovery to my life.

I wouldn't trade what I have been through for anything in the world. I am the sum total of all my life experiences, and I have grown richer through each one.

I am who I am because of all the joy, sorrow, tears, anger, frustration, etc that I have experienced in my life.

I am like a tapestry that is well worn, still beautiful in spite of the defects in the tapestry here and there. Those little defects here and there are a part of me! I am the total sum of the entire weaving.

Make any sense?

:ghug2 :ghug2

itisatruth

Hmm....OK so let's reflect: IPT is working through this process - this thing called life, IPT is learning about "self", IPT is growing and reflecting on himself, his choices, where he is today, where he was, and why he doesn't want to be there anymore. These are good things. Some people NEVER get to the point that they actively try to learn about themselves and look for ways to make their lives better. It's not always easy but you are on your way. I believe that!

Four years? I can understand the frustration....it has taken me longer than that to get to where I am today. But you know what...you did it, you made a difficult choice that you had to make for yourself. In time, you will begin to reap the full benefits of that choice - look forward to that day - don't look back towards things you can't change....look to your future and how you can make your life what you want you want it to be!

peaceteach

IPT,

Patience, man, patience. I have been blessed recently with a wonderful relationship. He is kind, loving, funny, smart, sexy, and NORMAL. Had I not had the terrible experiences I had with an alcoholic husband and an addict son, I might not have noticed how genuine and wonderful this guy is. Had I not waited 5 years to date after my divorce, I might have slipped into another codependent relationship with a needy 'A'.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, and on a time-table that is just right for us to truly "get it" and move in an upward direction. I am 52, IPT, and as happy as I could be! Who knew I would find happiness at this age? I certainly didn't. But it found me, and I'm really glad I was patient, not impatient. And I'm also really glad for all the lessons I learned from life so far. They've brought me to this point and helped me to truly appreciate life, and love.

Hang in there, babe. You have no idea what's in store for you next

IPT

You people are awesome.... .