This house is not a home
 

:candle:Here I go again 9 months tomorrow my son will be dead. My heart is still the same lonely, emptly, still praying to God to give me some relief from the grief I feel. I was looking through the pictures I have seeing a family happy and healthy complete. Now my family is broken a big part missing Jason. I know he is in a better place where drugs have no place. God has him making him happy. But all that happyness is gone in this house and that is what it is a house not a home like it used to be. Grandson is doing great getting ready to go back to school for his last year. Husband is still the same needing me all day long and getting on my last nerve.I pray he gets well soon. I can hardly believe that one drug changed a life of not just one person but my life. Losing my only child has taken a toll on me and this family.So if any one reading this is addicted please stop for yourself first then stop for those who love you so very much.

Thanks all
Maggiemac

OH, maggie, i'm so so sorry for your pain. i'' keep you and your family in my prayers

I don't know how anyone survives the loss of a child. Only those who have lost a child understand your grief, Maggie.

My prayer today is for angels to crowd into every room of your house and help it become a home again.

love,
Bluejay

Maggie,

I assume you are doing grief work/counseling and know that this is going to take time, a lot of time, before you start having some good days, more good than bad. Please just keep coming here, and getting out of your house, and putting one foot in front of the other, walking the walk of the living and the happy. Fake it till you make it. That's how it's done. You keep "doing" normal things and pretty soon you've walked through the necessary time it takes to get through grieving and come out on the other side. It's a slow process; no one can quicken it for you or take away the pain. You just have to walk through it and let it lesson and subside. I think you are wonderful for coming on here and speaking so brilliantly and painfully from your heart, Maggie. I also think it is super healthy for you to continue doing that, both for your own mental health and for others. Keep the faith, Maggie. Talk to your son even though he doesn't answer back. He IS in a better, happier place. Don't we all want that for our children? Peace be with you Maggie. Peace and love. :)

Oh Maggie, My heart aches for you hon. Not only have you lost your son but your hubby is ill. Sounds like you haven't had the proper time to grief and heal feom Jasons death. I really do hope that you are talking to someone to help you through all this pain. It's not your fault!!!! For some reason I hear those thoughts through your words. I haven't lost a child so I'm not scoulding you~~~just trying to head you in some direction. We all need people hon and with a sick hubby he probably isn't all that you need now. Hang in there and know I'm around if you need to talk..Hugs, Bonnie

I always struggle with what to say to you when posting because I wish with all my heart I could take away some of that pain.

:ghug2 :ghug2

(((((Maggie)))))
Thanks for coming here and letting us walk with you. Always keeping you and your family in my prayers.

((((((((((((((maggie))))))))))))
May you spot a flower, feel a breeze, see a sunset, speak to a friend, enjoy a shower and find some relief in ordinary events today.
I only have one child, thankfully he is choosing recovery right now.
You are doing okay with your loss...because you have too...for your son.

Dear Miss Maggie:

I'm so sorry that you are still so sad. Grief knows its own time.....

Please try to remember that you are so much more than your son. You speak as though your whole life YOUR whole life was YOUR SON'S. It's not....It's your's. You are a wonderful mother....but also a wonderful wife and most importantly, a wonderful woman!!

What can you do in this world that YOU will enjoy? Is there something you have always wanted to try? Have you ever wanted to try a new hobby, craft, or art and just felt you never had time or did not deserve it? You DO deserve it!

Think how proud your Jason will be when he sees his mother not just survive, but thrive!!!! His smile alone will light up heaven!!!!!

Hugs, prayers, and all my best wishes.....HG

I pray that you feel his presence with you always. He is whispering in your ear, "I'm OK, Mom!! Be happy! I will see you in the blink of an eye! I love you always!!" Can you hear him? Listen closely -- he is there.

I'm holding you in prayer, Maggie. (((Hugs)))

Maggie, You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Gotahavfaith

************{Maggie}}}}}}}

No words.. Only prayers for you and a big warm cyber hug.

Passion

((Maggie))

I pray all of these post give you some comfort.

Please know that you are prayed for and cared for by all of us here!!

HUGS,
Rita

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and prayers I really need those prayers.
Their are many things I would llike to do but taking care of a sick husband daily is hard work. I am old and tired I have spent my whole life taking care of someone no time for me. I worked for 31 years taking care of the mentaly ill. I took care of Jason his whole life and their is Danny my grandson taking care of him since he was in 2nd grade now my husband is a everyday job. I don't have to much time for anything else. I am so glad I have you all to talk to.
Thanks again all
Love ya,
Maggiemac

Maggie, are there any social services available to give you an occasional break from care taking?

Just checking on you Maggie and sending hugs today..Smiles, Bonnie

Maggie, just getting through the last nine months is a great testament to your strength. You are a survivor and I admire you and appreciate what you bring us here at S.R.. Thank you for sharing, honestly and openly, everything you go through. I have faith that all you've written here is changing and improving other people's lives.

My good wishes and warm thoughts are with you for healing and peace to make your heart whole again.

With love,
Lisa

Maggie,

I lost my son at 20 yrs old.
It has been 10 yrs ago now for me.
Your 9 months is still very fresh and raw.
I made up my mind that I would show how much I hated Eric's death by showing the value of life by trying to live mine full out.
There was a very long gap between making that decision and starting to act upon it.
I typed and typed and typed each and everything over and over in the grief forum to help me work through it.
That helped me find closure better than anything, I think.
I had to get it out of my head.
I didn't like being told I was strong because I survived it.
I didn't have choice in that matter!
So, know that my thoughts are with you and that
with time you will heal in your own way and in your own time.
hugs,
Tena