I feel id do anything for him..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 102
I feel id do anything for him..
COLOR="Purple"][/COLOR]So Ive taken my ex abf on a caribbean trip last march, and was about to book us a trip to my family house in Cancun this summer then he broke up with me while on a 3 day bender & since I can not get him to speak with me. This has happened so many times since we first met however this has been the longest almost 2 months..
Today after work their was a check from my Grandma for $10,000 for me. The FIRST though that went through my head was OMG I want to share this and do something so nice so special with my ex......
I am upset im even having these thoughts but I really had a perfect summer vacation planned for us and now I cant help but dream it even better
Had to post, I feel so weak and that Id do anything to get my bf back.
Today after work their was a check from my Grandma for $10,000 for me. The FIRST though that went through my head was OMG I want to share this and do something so nice so special with my ex......
I am upset im even having these thoughts but I really had a perfect summer vacation planned for us and now I cant help but dream it even better
Had to post, I feel so weak and that Id do anything to get my bf back.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
think lost, you get him back and then what? he's not ready to get help therefore in no way will things be different than before. is all of the pain you are feeling right now worth a couple days relief(if that much)with him, just so he can hurt you more.
please use your money for you. why not go on your trip to visit your family alone, it may just help you. do something nice for you. i hope you don't think thats gonna make him stay with you if he really don't want to right now. you deserve better than what he is offering right now and you have to treat yourself like you do. please don't be manipulated into excepting his addictive behavior, sure seems like he may be trying to say that you have to if you want to be with him.
you are doing so good, its only gonna get worse for you and for him until he is ready to work on himself for himself. don't misunderstand, i do know how much it hurts. just trying to help save you a lot of heartache and pain.
please use your money for you. why not go on your trip to visit your family alone, it may just help you. do something nice for you. i hope you don't think thats gonna make him stay with you if he really don't want to right now. you deserve better than what he is offering right now and you have to treat yourself like you do. please don't be manipulated into excepting his addictive behavior, sure seems like he may be trying to say that you have to if you want to be with him.
you are doing so good, its only gonna get worse for you and for him until he is ready to work on himself for himself. don't misunderstand, i do know how much it hurts. just trying to help save you a lot of heartache and pain.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Originally Posted by suki44883 
Who knows? He might be thrilled to help you spend that $10,000. But when it's gone, he probably will be, too. Is that what you really want?
Originally Posted by anvilhead
- YOUR opportunities for this exquisite special GIFT from your gramma are endless........
or you can blow it all on an addict who has already proven thru his actions he has no respect for anyone or anything and wants only to use and keep using..........
or you can blow it all on an addict who has already proven thru his actions he has no respect for anyone or anything and wants only to use and keep using..........
Hugs and prayers, HG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 89
Lost84, play that tape through to the end in your head and be honest with yourself. Based on his previous actions and treatment of you....how do you REALLY think this will end? What makes you think this time would be any different?
Don't romanticize it in your mind...every second that you spend obsessing about this guy is time that you could be spending taking great care of yourself, working through your own issues, having a great time with your family and friends who love you, and maybe even meeting a nice guy who doesn't have a drug problem and who adores you!
Stay strong.
Don't romanticize it in your mind...every second that you spend obsessing about this guy is time that you could be spending taking great care of yourself, working through your own issues, having a great time with your family and friends who love you, and maybe even meeting a nice guy who doesn't have a drug problem and who adores you!
Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
I think your thoughts are very normal, Lost, and anyone who has been deeply in love with an addict who walked away from them is left with a deep, searing yearning to have him back. This is especially so if there has not yet been years and years of hurt, betrayal, and abuse from him. A woman in love can take only so much until one day the love grows cold and numb. And she finally pulls herself up off the floor and walks out that door. But often this ability to let go without regret and pain is the result of years of emotional torture.
You can feel this longing for him, you can carry it with you morning to night, you can kiss his picture before you fall asleep every night, and you can do so for as long as you are inclined.
What you DO as opposed to what you FEEL is what will make or break you.
I would stay in reality and DO NOTHING. Take no action to reach out to him or try to convince him to take you back. For you will be having a dialogue with his disease. And we both know who will win that debate.
Just protect yourself.
Bluejay
You can feel this longing for him, you can carry it with you morning to night, you can kiss his picture before you fall asleep every night, and you can do so for as long as you are inclined.
What you DO as opposed to what you FEEL is what will make or break you.
I would stay in reality and DO NOTHING. Take no action to reach out to him or try to convince him to take you back. For you will be having a dialogue with his disease. And we both know who will win that debate.
Just protect yourself.
Bluejay
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Hey Save those Bucks Baby,
I am game for a trip this coming fall, winter... Thailand is kind of my goal. Have some friends that are going to be there, so my heard is kind of set on it. Really this time of year for me to go away to a hot spot is a bit silly....the weather would not be any better that we have it now.
I know this is just a shot in the dark with you, want to grab him and taken him away. What you have to know and beleive is that this pain and hurt you are feeling is going to go away, I promise. You might not forget, but you will not feel it. I know, I know, you have been told this over and over...time! I could have screamed when I was told this, then what time, month, day, minute will it be over!
You have nothing invested in him, no home, kids or marriage or long lasting memories...thank your lucky stars.., what you have going on is something you thought he was and still dream of, not believing that their could be this type of person, one month loving, giving and then a cold hearted SOB the next. Hard to believe, this is something that you watch on TV, on Dateline, Crime Story ect...people that sway their way into someone elses lives, usually somebody that is vonerble...these type of people no just how to play it. They have no remorse of leaving someone cold and broke, then as the story goes on, you are not the only one they have done this to nor will you be the last. This is the way they live their lives, just living to pray on people...It is a sickness behond our control, we mean no more or less to them, from their first victim to their 10th.
You let him know that you have this money, he will come back, treat you like an angle, you will post that he is doing great, money is gone and so is he. You will be in worse shape then you are now.
Just looking at your picture of you laying on that dock...you are keepng yourself hostage girl....crap Brad Pit would leave his marriage to be with you. I know if we went on a holiday together, there is no way in god's given earth that I will be laying anywhere near you.
I think I have told you this already...your HP does not want you to be with him, it may not seem like it now, but you will see it one day soon! I promise. Can you imagine having little ones with him and going through this, not knowing when he is coming home or where he is at and he has spent every dime, you need food for those babies and the mortgage is not paid ect....you have just got a piece of being with an addict is like and how do you like it so far! They just don't flip around and all is rosey.
Give yourself a big gift....move on! He does not deserve you!
Rose
I am game for a trip this coming fall, winter... Thailand is kind of my goal. Have some friends that are going to be there, so my heard is kind of set on it. Really this time of year for me to go away to a hot spot is a bit silly....the weather would not be any better that we have it now.
I know this is just a shot in the dark with you, want to grab him and taken him away. What you have to know and beleive is that this pain and hurt you are feeling is going to go away, I promise. You might not forget, but you will not feel it. I know, I know, you have been told this over and over...time! I could have screamed when I was told this, then what time, month, day, minute will it be over!
You have nothing invested in him, no home, kids or marriage or long lasting memories...thank your lucky stars.., what you have going on is something you thought he was and still dream of, not believing that their could be this type of person, one month loving, giving and then a cold hearted SOB the next. Hard to believe, this is something that you watch on TV, on Dateline, Crime Story ect...people that sway their way into someone elses lives, usually somebody that is vonerble...these type of people no just how to play it. They have no remorse of leaving someone cold and broke, then as the story goes on, you are not the only one they have done this to nor will you be the last. This is the way they live their lives, just living to pray on people...It is a sickness behond our control, we mean no more or less to them, from their first victim to their 10th.
You let him know that you have this money, he will come back, treat you like an angle, you will post that he is doing great, money is gone and so is he. You will be in worse shape then you are now.
Just looking at your picture of you laying on that dock...you are keepng yourself hostage girl....crap Brad Pit would leave his marriage to be with you. I know if we went on a holiday together, there is no way in god's given earth that I will be laying anywhere near you.
I think I have told you this already...your HP does not want you to be with him, it may not seem like it now, but you will see it one day soon! I promise. Can you imagine having little ones with him and going through this, not knowing when he is coming home or where he is at and he has spent every dime, you need food for those babies and the mortgage is not paid ect....you have just got a piece of being with an addict is like and how do you like it so far! They just don't flip around and all is rosey.
Give yourself a big gift....move on! He does not deserve you!
Rose
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
My sponcer had me find a homeless person to make sandwiches for instead of trying to get the attention of my AH. I found one that was an artist living with his paintings and supplies under a bridge.
After a few weeks of making him sandwiches he started moving around with his paintings and he started selling them it did not take long before he was displaying his stuff in a very prestigious gallery.
What it showed me is that it feels good to give to someone with no motive. One day he was gone from his bridge shelter and the next day I saw an article about him in the local news paper as a up and coming new artist.
I don't know if my sandwiches had anything to do with it but I tell ya it really did my heart good to see this person rise up and catch his star.
Find you a homeless person and help them just a little. You don't have to give a lot or take them in and you don't need to worry about the out come.
It also showed me that giving to my H was hurting us both because in giving to him I was trying to control him and his acceptance of my giving was keeping him stuck in a very negative pattern and me too.
When I was in the middle of trying to control my H I wrongly thought that I was helping him. I could see my pay off more clearly when every time I thought about trying to track him down I made a sandwich for my homeless guy instead. Several times when I went to give the sandwich he was gone which also showed me that my giving was very selfish...
PS if you really want to help someone say a prayer for me cause I am having a really hard time.
After a few weeks of making him sandwiches he started moving around with his paintings and he started selling them it did not take long before he was displaying his stuff in a very prestigious gallery.
What it showed me is that it feels good to give to someone with no motive. One day he was gone from his bridge shelter and the next day I saw an article about him in the local news paper as a up and coming new artist.
I don't know if my sandwiches had anything to do with it but I tell ya it really did my heart good to see this person rise up and catch his star.
Find you a homeless person and help them just a little. You don't have to give a lot or take them in and you don't need to worry about the out come.
It also showed me that giving to my H was hurting us both because in giving to him I was trying to control him and his acceptance of my giving was keeping him stuck in a very negative pattern and me too.
When I was in the middle of trying to control my H I wrongly thought that I was helping him. I could see my pay off more clearly when every time I thought about trying to track him down I made a sandwich for my homeless guy instead. Several times when I went to give the sandwich he was gone which also showed me that my giving was very selfish...
PS if you really want to help someone say a prayer for me cause I am having a really hard time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 102
Thank you all so much for the support. It is sad the first thing I think of when something positive comes into my life is how I want to "SHARE" it with my ex. I realize this makes NO difference as I HAVE paid for a trip before (and he was out of controll) and before he dumped me I already was going to pay for another.. things are starting to get easier day by day. I am NOT logging into his friends facebook to check on his status's ect, im not looking up girls that he "may" be with. I have stopped checking to see if his cell phone is on, im taking ALL the advice I have been given and putting it to use and it is easing my mind before bed and when I wake up 
It has almost been two months come september and I think I am starting to understand that this relationship if you call it is OVER. He is not coming back and I need to deal with it and move on.
It has almost been two months come september and I think I am starting to understand that this relationship if you call it is OVER. He is not coming back and I need to deal with it and move on.
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