Consequence and reward
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Consequence and reward
I've always understood the necessity of consequence and have always greatly admired people who learn from others mistakes while making few of their own. Those people have always baffled me but, after reading something the other day, now I understand better.
They've tapped into the reward system of the brain and stay tapped in. The same system that hijacks an addicts brain. No matter how many consequences I've had, without rewards I can't progress. Members here mention it all the time -- our addicts need to fall and they also need to experience success. Same with us.
My daughter and I had to drive by the same area of her dealer the other day. She got really quiet and was very uncomfortable. I asked her point blank if using flashed across her brain and she growled yes.
I told her she can blame dopamine. It's the chemical that causes euphoria and the memory of it. Without it we wouldn't want to have sex or anything that brings pleasure. It's the hook to keep our species alive and thriving. It's the hook that keeps an addict using.
Amy mentioned in another thread how she comes back here to SR to get what she needs instead of using. User or codie, anyone that continues to seek recovery (new or ongoing) is retraining their brain to see recovery as a reward instead of a consequence.
Anyway, it was really cool to see the lightbulb go in my daughter. She understood, said this is why we have to replace the addiction with other stuff that makes you feel good. It was the same lighbulb moment I had when I read the article a few days earlier.
We always tell newbies to do something good for themselves when they're falling apart. I've learned that I have to keep doing it if I don't want to ever go back "there" because I've got make sure the hook is greater than the consequence.
I went on a little jaunt the other day and indulged my love of photography. I felt euphoria the moment I saw this:
Now it's up to me to indulge myself more often than every now and then. My quality of life depends on it
They've tapped into the reward system of the brain and stay tapped in. The same system that hijacks an addicts brain. No matter how many consequences I've had, without rewards I can't progress. Members here mention it all the time -- our addicts need to fall and they also need to experience success. Same with us.
My daughter and I had to drive by the same area of her dealer the other day. She got really quiet and was very uncomfortable. I asked her point blank if using flashed across her brain and she growled yes.
I told her she can blame dopamine. It's the chemical that causes euphoria and the memory of it. Without it we wouldn't want to have sex or anything that brings pleasure. It's the hook to keep our species alive and thriving. It's the hook that keeps an addict using.
Amy mentioned in another thread how she comes back here to SR to get what she needs instead of using. User or codie, anyone that continues to seek recovery (new or ongoing) is retraining their brain to see recovery as a reward instead of a consequence.
Anyway, it was really cool to see the lightbulb go in my daughter. She understood, said this is why we have to replace the addiction with other stuff that makes you feel good. It was the same lighbulb moment I had when I read the article a few days earlier.
We always tell newbies to do something good for themselves when they're falling apart. I've learned that I have to keep doing it if I don't want to ever go back "there" because I've got make sure the hook is greater than the consequence.
I went on a little jaunt the other day and indulged my love of photography. I felt euphoria the moment I saw this:
Now it's up to me to indulge myself more often than every now and then. My quality of life depends on it
No Day But Today
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 138
Thanks for sharing Chino. That is a breathtaking photo.
I really needed to read this today. Gives me hope for those lightbulb moments. That they really CAN change. One day. When they're ready anyways.
I'm really glad that your daughter now understands.
I really needed to read this today. Gives me hope for those lightbulb moments. That they really CAN change. One day. When they're ready anyways.
I'm really glad that your daughter now understands.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by Chino 
I've always understood the necessity of consequence and have always greatly admired people who learn from others mistakes while making few of their own. Those people have always baffled me but, after reading something the other day, now I understand better.
They've tapped into the reward system of the brain and stay tapped in. The same system that hijacks an addicts brain. No matter how many consequences I've had, without rewards I can't progress. Members here mention it all the time -- our addicts need to fall and they also need to experience success. Same with us.
My daughter and I had to drive by the same area of her dealer the other day. She got really quiet and was very uncomfortable. I asked her point blank if using flashed across her brain and she growled yes.
I told her she can blame dopamine. It's the chemical that causes euphoria and the memory of it. Without it we wouldn't want to have sex or anything that brings pleasure. It's the hook to keep our species alive and thriving. It's the hook that keeps an addict using.
Amy mentioned in another thread how she comes back here to SR to get what she needs instead of using. User or codie, anyone that continues to seek recovery (new or ongoing) is retraining their brain to see recovery as a reward instead of a consequence.
Anyway, it was really cool to see the lightbulb go in my daughter. She understood, said this is why we have to replace the addiction with other stuff that makes you feel good. It was the same lighbulb moment I had when I read the article a few days earlier.
We always tell newbies to do something good for themselves when they're falling apart. I've learned that I have to keep doing it if I don't want to ever go back "there" because I've got make sure the hook is greater than the consequence.
I went on a little jaunt the other day and indulged my love of photography. I felt euphoria the moment I saw this:
Now it's up to me to indulge myself more often than every now and then. My quality of life depends on it
They've tapped into the reward system of the brain and stay tapped in. The same system that hijacks an addicts brain. No matter how many consequences I've had, without rewards I can't progress. Members here mention it all the time -- our addicts need to fall and they also need to experience success. Same with us.
My daughter and I had to drive by the same area of her dealer the other day. She got really quiet and was very uncomfortable. I asked her point blank if using flashed across her brain and she growled yes.
I told her she can blame dopamine. It's the chemical that causes euphoria and the memory of it. Without it we wouldn't want to have sex or anything that brings pleasure. It's the hook to keep our species alive and thriving. It's the hook that keeps an addict using.
Amy mentioned in another thread how she comes back here to SR to get what she needs instead of using. User or codie, anyone that continues to seek recovery (new or ongoing) is retraining their brain to see recovery as a reward instead of a consequence.
Anyway, it was really cool to see the lightbulb go in my daughter. She understood, said this is why we have to replace the addiction with other stuff that makes you feel good. It was the same lighbulb moment I had when I read the article a few days earlier.
We always tell newbies to do something good for themselves when they're falling apart. I've learned that I have to keep doing it if I don't want to ever go back "there" because I've got make sure the hook is greater than the consequence.
I went on a little jaunt the other day and indulged my love of photography. I felt euphoria the moment I saw this:
Now it's up to me to indulge myself more often than every now and then. My quality of life depends on it
Yup, I can totally relate to that. I rarely think of meth these days, I mean of using. Just went through one of the scariest times in my life with a health scare and some other stuff going on, didn't even think about using meth to deal with any of it.
But on Saturday I went to get my haircut, and I hate driving there cause I have to drive through the area I used to meet "him", I thought this time maybe, it won't happen. LOL, but as we drove by my adrenalin picked up, my heart started racing, body went through all the same things it used to, not as strong of course, but I did have to grip the steering wheel and turn up the radio. But at the same time, it creeped me out, my brain anyway.
It's been almost four years, I wonder if that will ever change, allergies sometimes do the same thing to me. lol
Good for your daughter, that was one of the big things for me, realizing I had to find other things to make me happy.
That's how I got my signature line. When I was detoxing I was looking for things to excite me, lol, and I ended up at a Kenny Chesney concert.
Great Post!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Chino)))
I LOVE the picture. When I was with XABF #1, we got mad right before taking a vacation, and for that brief period, I had a backbone, took the vacation by myself, and spent a few days, driving through the mountains looking for waterfalls and it was awesome. I just may need to do that again, pretty soon!
I'm glad your daughter saw the lightbulb, and I'm glad you posted this today. I've had a really rough time lately, and though using wasn't a thought, I've been spending the better part of each day in tears for the last 2 weeks. These days, my 1st reaction when times are tough is to e-mail Anvil (thank God for the blackberry), then I get hold of my favorite aunt and my mom-Kay. It's funny that you posted this today, and I had decided that today I was through with the tears, and getting back to loving life.
I'm going back to work tonight, after being out a week. I think, though, on my next days off, I will certainly be finding something fun to remind me life isn't all about work and paying bills. Thank you, sweetie!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I LOVE the picture. When I was with XABF #1, we got mad right before taking a vacation, and for that brief period, I had a backbone, took the vacation by myself, and spent a few days, driving through the mountains looking for waterfalls and it was awesome. I just may need to do that again, pretty soon!
I'm glad your daughter saw the lightbulb, and I'm glad you posted this today. I've had a really rough time lately, and though using wasn't a thought, I've been spending the better part of each day in tears for the last 2 weeks. These days, my 1st reaction when times are tough is to e-mail Anvil (thank God for the blackberry), then I get hold of my favorite aunt and my mom-Kay. It's funny that you posted this today, and I had decided that today I was through with the tears, and getting back to loving life.
I'm going back to work tonight, after being out a week. I think, though, on my next days off, I will certainly be finding something fun to remind me life isn't all about work and paying bills. Thank you, sweetie!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
What beautiful picture and place to visit! Thank you for sharing it and I think you should indulge in your love of photography as often as possible! Here in my part of Ca. it is very dry (as is evident with the wildfires). We took a hike to a "waterfall" about a month ago only to find a trickle....the "fall" part was more like a leaky faucet.
A friend of mine talks about this as "keeping our raincoats on" - loving our addicts, learning to trust again, all the while also protecting ourselves. It is almost like a balancing act for me. I don't ever want to go back "there" either Chino, so thank you for this reminder.
Good for you and your daughter! Those light bulb moments help us feel/see our own growth. Funny though, my AH and I had a similar experience last week as we drove by his very old dealer's place - his dealer about 20+ years ago - except he didn't so much have a light bulb moment - but we were able to talk about how his thinking and sharing about his "old times" makes me uncomfortable because it sounds more like reminiscing. So we discussed not looking at those times with rose-colored glasses and he admitted he needs to remember the bad stuff more too because he doesn't want to go back there either.
Right now, AH is replacing his addiction with NA meetings, NA friends, and his sponsor - and finding those rewards. This morning he talked about how he is loving finding his recovery again but how he is afraid of a year, or even six months from now and if he will be able to keep this up. All I could say is...you have today....do the best you can today....no easy answers I guess but feels good to have these kinds of conversations.
Thanks again for your post Chino -- and the opportunity it gave to think about these things.
We always tell newbies to do something good for themselves when they're falling apart. I've learned that I have to keep doing it if I don't want to ever go back "there" because I've got make sure the hook is greater than the consequence.
My daughter and I had to drive by the same area of her dealer the other day. She got really quiet and was very uncomfortable. I asked her point blank if using flashed across her brain and she growled yes.
I told her she can blame dopamine. It's the chemical that causes euphoria and the memory of it. Without it we wouldn't want to have sex or anything that brings pleasure. It's the hook to keep our species alive and thriving. It's the hook that keeps an addict using.
Amy mentioned in another thread how she comes back here to SR to get what she needs instead of using. User or codie, anyone that continues to seek recovery (new or ongoing) is retraining their brain to see recovery as a reward instead of a consequence.
Anyway, it was really cool to see the lightbulb go in my daughter. She understood, said this is why we have to replace the addiction with other stuff that makes you feel good. It was the same lighbulb moment I had when I read the article a few days earlier.
I told her she can blame dopamine. It's the chemical that causes euphoria and the memory of it. Without it we wouldn't want to have sex or anything that brings pleasure. It's the hook to keep our species alive and thriving. It's the hook that keeps an addict using.
Amy mentioned in another thread how she comes back here to SR to get what she needs instead of using. User or codie, anyone that continues to seek recovery (new or ongoing) is retraining their brain to see recovery as a reward instead of a consequence.
Anyway, it was really cool to see the lightbulb go in my daughter. She understood, said this is why we have to replace the addiction with other stuff that makes you feel good. It was the same lighbulb moment I had when I read the article a few days earlier.
Right now, AH is replacing his addiction with NA meetings, NA friends, and his sponsor - and finding those rewards. This morning he talked about how he is loving finding his recovery again but how he is afraid of a year, or even six months from now and if he will be able to keep this up. All I could say is...you have today....do the best you can today....no easy answers I guess but feels good to have these kinds of conversations.
Thanks again for your post Chino -- and the opportunity it gave to think about these things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
It was so hot today and it was kind of late by the time I considered playing on the lake. Dinner time would be coming up soon and we bought steaks, had fresh garden veggies, etc etc.
I made myself go down to the boat dock and ask my husband if he wanted to go for a ride. He goes back up and grabs a cooler of drinks, and I'm starting to sweat standing in the sun.
I walked to the edge of the dock and stared at the water, then made myself jump in. As soon as I felt that cool water I asked myself why? Why did I have to make myself jump in? The old me wouldn't have thought twice. Three years ago I would have done a cannonball. It was another reminder of how easily and quickly I can backslide, deprive myself.
We got back just as the sun was setting and sat there talking about nothing in particular. Just enjoyed the sunset and said steaks tomorrow night, sandwiches tonight. That sandwich wasn't a consequence of playing til dark, it was a reward
I made myself go down to the boat dock and ask my husband if he wanted to go for a ride. He goes back up and grabs a cooler of drinks, and I'm starting to sweat standing in the sun.
I walked to the edge of the dock and stared at the water, then made myself jump in. As soon as I felt that cool water I asked myself why? Why did I have to make myself jump in? The old me wouldn't have thought twice. Three years ago I would have done a cannonball. It was another reminder of how easily and quickly I can backslide, deprive myself.
We got back just as the sun was setting and sat there talking about nothing in particular. Just enjoyed the sunset and said steaks tomorrow night, sandwiches tonight. That sandwich wasn't a consequence of playing til dark, it was a reward
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
