Listening to my own advice
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: buffalo ny
Posts: 167
Listening to my own advice
I've been working as a mental health counselor for almost 20 years. It always amazed me how people would finally find a solution to their problem, a way to make things better, and as soon as things got better....they would stop doing whatever it was that was making things better. For example, stopping a med that took away symptoms.
So............
My RAH has been home 10 months, clean 3 years, although 2 of them were in prison. He counts those, I don't. I laid down very firm boundaries, especially around money, before I agreed to let him come home. Early in the discussions, he asked me how long these boundaries would be in place, I told him forever...don't ask me again.!
But.................
I keep my checks locked up at work. Pain in the Butt. My husband has been doing well, no signs of use, he's working, blah blah blah. Yesterday, after forgetting to bring my bill to work to pay I think "He's been clean for 10 months, things are going good, I'm going to bring the checks home. It will be ok" DUH!!!!!!!!
Thank God I thought that through. If it's working...KEEP IT!!!!!
So............
My RAH has been home 10 months, clean 3 years, although 2 of them were in prison. He counts those, I don't. I laid down very firm boundaries, especially around money, before I agreed to let him come home. Early in the discussions, he asked me how long these boundaries would be in place, I told him forever...don't ask me again.!
But.................
I keep my checks locked up at work. Pain in the Butt. My husband has been doing well, no signs of use, he's working, blah blah blah. Yesterday, after forgetting to bring my bill to work to pay I think "He's been clean for 10 months, things are going good, I'm going to bring the checks home. It will be ok" DUH!!!!!!!!
Thank God I thought that through. If it's working...KEEP IT!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
forever...don't ask me again.!
Eureka, Barblsn!!
I am going to use until it dries up and flakes off!!!
I have such a problem with just saying "No" to things. The reaction always seems to be of utter surprise that the word be used firstly by me of all people and then lastly with such finality. You've given me the buffer, the drum rim shot ending if you will, to my dilemma. When someone asks me a question I know they will not take a final answer to, I am adding the "...don't ask me again." Why did that not occur to me?
Congratulations on playing that tape all the way through and reminding yourself that boundaries are not temporary sandbag walls but true concrete levies that serve a lasting purpose. If they aren't then we are only saying our sanity and peace of ming is only worth a month, six months, a year etc. I won't put a time limit on my happiness, and it sounds like you won't either.
Bravo to you!!!
Alice
Eureka, Barblsn!!
I am going to use until it dries up and flakes off!!!
I have such a problem with just saying "No" to things. The reaction always seems to be of utter surprise that the word be used firstly by me of all people and then lastly with such finality. You've given me the buffer, the drum rim shot ending if you will, to my dilemma. When someone asks me a question I know they will not take a final answer to, I am adding the "...don't ask me again." Why did that not occur to me?
Congratulations on playing that tape all the way through and reminding yourself that boundaries are not temporary sandbag walls but true concrete levies that serve a lasting purpose. If they aren't then we are only saying our sanity and peace of ming is only worth a month, six months, a year etc. I won't put a time limit on my happiness, and it sounds like you won't either.
Bravo to you!!!
Alice
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