how to deal when they leave you?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
Rose - I have gathered that from reading many of the post here. Even if she got "clean", it would be a long hard road. Maybe if it happened in the fist year I would have had the tenacity and endurence to have done it. Heck, I was not the center of attention for years now and I did it. The boat was missed a long time ago because she choose not to get on. Who knows if she ever will.
It breaks my heart that she might meet some guy more like her and they will just perpetuate that lifestyle. I know it would probably be unfulfilling for her, but a primal part of me just sees someone with the person I wanted to be with and that hurts.
I guess that person for all intents and purpouses was really only an extension of my imagination, a magnification and enlargement of the little pieces of the healthy side I saw of her. I think once I do write those things down again as suggested it will be clear that I had and held onto very little at all. That in itself makes me sad too.
I just need to get to that place where I feel like this is WITHOUT A DOUBT THE BEST THING FOR ME. I lose track of that in my sadness, sense of being alone, feeling sad and bad for her and where she is, and the crashing of the dream...
It breaks my heart that she might meet some guy more like her and they will just perpetuate that lifestyle. I know it would probably be unfulfilling for her, but a primal part of me just sees someone with the person I wanted to be with and that hurts.
I guess that person for all intents and purpouses was really only an extension of my imagination, a magnification and enlargement of the little pieces of the healthy side I saw of her. I think once I do write those things down again as suggested it will be clear that I had and held onto very little at all. That in itself makes me sad too.
I just need to get to that place where I feel like this is WITHOUT A DOUBT THE BEST THING FOR ME. I lose track of that in my sadness, sense of being alone, feeling sad and bad for her and where she is, and the crashing of the dream...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
IPT,
It was your boat she missed, not her boat. Sadly her boat is not a healthy boat, but the boat she choose. I know it hurts and hurts bad. But we have to learn to except that the poeple they choose to associate with are in the same life style. It is their comfort zone and there is no changing it. The more we try the more hurt we get.
I know that my husband is with another woman now, a woman with the same life style he lives. I don't want that kind of life style even for the sake of keeping him. I have leaped over the pain and hurt that it left me with, but I have not forgot and being alone is better than living in that chaos.
It doesn't just happen over night, but you have to allow yourself happyness, bit by bit, go and do something that makes you happy. Living in this constant pain and hurt is going to bring you down make you sick and it is going to take longer and be harder to get up.
I know how it feels really I do...I was becoming so crazy in my mind, I kind of wished that I would get sick, then he would stop and come back.
Rose
It was your boat she missed, not her boat. Sadly her boat is not a healthy boat, but the boat she choose. I know it hurts and hurts bad. But we have to learn to except that the poeple they choose to associate with are in the same life style. It is their comfort zone and there is no changing it. The more we try the more hurt we get.
I know that my husband is with another woman now, a woman with the same life style he lives. I don't want that kind of life style even for the sake of keeping him. I have leaped over the pain and hurt that it left me with, but I have not forgot and being alone is better than living in that chaos.
It doesn't just happen over night, but you have to allow yourself happyness, bit by bit, go and do something that makes you happy. Living in this constant pain and hurt is going to bring you down make you sick and it is going to take longer and be harder to get up.
I know how it feels really I do...I was becoming so crazy in my mind, I kind of wished that I would get sick, then he would stop and come back.
Rose
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
my heart really goes out to you. i hear pain and fear in your post and the codie side of me wish that i could wave a magic wane and fix things for you. my imagination kept me stuck for a lot of yrs. i imagined things about my ah, that if i didn't stick around and be there for him until he decides he needs to change, then he would find someone else who would.
it took me 21yrs to realize that even if he found someone else, what would they be getting thats different from what i was offered if he's not commited to getting better.i also thought it would be easier for me to get through all the confusion if i only knew all the hows and whys of this madness. even if i when i had the opportunity to ask the questions that i thought if i knew the answers to, i would get some release or some kind of closure or understanding but all i got was just more confusion, causing me to be even more stuck. the more i focus on myself, the more i can see how time has a way of revealing the hows and whys.
it took me 21yrs to realize that even if he found someone else, what would they be getting thats different from what i was offered if he's not commited to getting better.i also thought it would be easier for me to get through all the confusion if i only knew all the hows and whys of this madness. even if i when i had the opportunity to ask the questions that i thought if i knew the answers to, i would get some release or some kind of closure or understanding but all i got was just more confusion, causing me to be even more stuck. the more i focus on myself, the more i can see how time has a way of revealing the hows and whys.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
IPT,
Take a grasp of yourself, open your arms wide open and except the pain, put yourself into a space that she is with someone, laughing, having the time of her life...beleive it...it is happening...is it any worse than what you are feeling right now. Just make yourself believe that.
Take a real big step and go into a children's hospital, see a wee one having Chemo, watch the pain in the from the parents heart show through their eyes and the wee one barely able to open up their eyes trying to fight to live.....! There is pain!
Now take a look at what our loved ones are doing to themselves....like could you not stangle them! Spend sometime with a child fighting for their life, give your love their instead of living in sorrow with a person who could careless....really think about it!
Rose
Rose
Take a grasp of yourself, open your arms wide open and except the pain, put yourself into a space that she is with someone, laughing, having the time of her life...beleive it...it is happening...is it any worse than what you are feeling right now. Just make yourself believe that.
Take a real big step and go into a children's hospital, see a wee one having Chemo, watch the pain in the from the parents heart show through their eyes and the wee one barely able to open up their eyes trying to fight to live.....! There is pain!
Now take a look at what our loved ones are doing to themselves....like could you not stangle them! Spend sometime with a child fighting for their life, give your love their instead of living in sorrow with a person who could careless....really think about it!
Rose
Rose
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