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HE IS OK? I am not!!!!

Old 09-06-2009, 06:37 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Sis, the list is a selfish one. Major repairs have to be done to my house-you have no idea what damage large pups(his did) and the yard is like a jungle out back. He has fixed minor things. The remodeled rent house was completely torn up by his "friends-who are still his friends)so it remains empty. Just not enough money to have anyone do the work much less material. Furnace to this house quit working and he looked early yesterday and said he could fix it. Now, that will never happen.


He never made it home, which is a parole violation. I imagine he will call them and tell them I am unreasonable. Which in a lot of ways I just may be. He has made money working at his dads. He has worked off some to the money from his brother to pay taxes (sherrifs dept. sent a letter), he has done a lot toward his recovery. But he still talks to "the past" constantly-they call here constantly. It drives me crazy. His SIL was taking him to the parole office an shrink dr. (parole ordered) and then he tells me he paid her. Out of his money. She has never paid nor offerred to repay anything she got from me.

He says I will not look forward and see all the good. Well, I cannot when I see constant reminders of the past from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep. He says he only wants to see me happy and try to make up for the past. Maybe, but it is not working. I thought being clean things would change but I just don't feel it.

I did not call my policeman friend (of 20yrs-who is the one who busted RAH.almost every time) His hopes were not high about us making it. He said there is too much baggage. I did not call the parole office and I don't think I need to do that. No reason to drive around town-he always hid well, and I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing I was looking.

As for picking anything up here-well "witch me" he can get his huge dogs. He does not need to send anyone here to pick anything up-LARGE NO TRESPASSING SIGN!!!!!! Whether his friends are clean or whatever-they simply will not be on this property.

Today, well it is a new day! Going to just be very lazy. Thought I would watch TV but dogs ate the remote-they want to know where papa is. They will get over it and so will I!!!! Not going to let this get to me again. Being in a small town is not going to help but oh well. He will tell "his people I am a witch" and I won't have to tell the rest anything-they will know.

Sounds good-hopefully I can follow through-huh?
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Old 09-07-2009, 07:09 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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prayers for u both. take care of yourself. he is going to do as he chooses. if he "sits in the barber chair long enough he will get a hair cut". nothing chanes if nothing changes. he is still doing the same thing with the same people only he is clean for now. treat yourself good. hugs, hope
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Old 09-07-2009, 10:50 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Momsrainbow, I have lived what your going through... when my STBexAH was released from prison he did good for a few months then started using. He disappeared a few times when it got towards the end of his parole. I talked to the PO but it was too late for him to do anything cause he just had a couple weeks left. I wished I had let him know sooner. Cause the nightmare of him stealing everything of value in the basement after he left wouldn't have been ongoing for months after he left. It only ended when the stuff ran out.

It sounds to me like even though he may be hiding it from you he is back to using.
Then comes the disappearing and blaming you... blaming you so he don't have to feel
guilty for his actions. Please put the focus on you and your happiness. You have
done all you can for him at this point... let him go, and work on getting yourself healthy.
You deserve it!

I'm not a dog lover, but my kids are... I finally gave away the dog AH left... and all 6 puppies. It's a weight off my shoulders to not have to care for them... as a single mom of 3 kids, we're always on the go with their activities and really no time to care properly for puppies. Anyway, I hope you find some PEACE and SERENITY today... do something special just for you.

I'm having a big cup of coffee with special flavored creamer... that's my treat to ME today!

(((HUGS)))
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Old 09-19-2009, 11:42 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Here I am back to vent again. 12:14 AM and no AH again. Violating his parole. Things seemed to be going along rather well and then this. Who knows what he may be up to. Last time it was because I was always negative. I should just forget the past. Geeze it took 8 yrs. to turn me into a mess and I just cannot change overnight. Yeah right. He is still doing work at his brothers and nothing gets done here.

I was tickled to death this afternoon-finally got the paperwork from the attorney handling grams estate. I can transfer the deed to the rent house on Monday. Should get a little check each month from the trust. Off I go to his brothers to tell him I am a happy camper and that stress is gone. Plus the last day to take the computer to Staples and have them work on it for free. Well, low and behold-he is not there! He had told me to come over anytime and he is not there and they have not seen him. Brothers yard looks the same as when I dropped him off a 7 this am. Nobody knew where he was-oh well. I did pitch a fit about the truck a couple days ago and him taking it and not having a way to get anywhere. If ya'll remember 3 yrs. ago I put the truck in his name so he could get a camper loan and off he went with the truck. It ended up at a policemans house for safe keeping finally until he was sentenced to prison. He did write a bill of sale and had it notorized(I have it) but has not signed the title over. Dang, my truck-I bought it long before I met him!!!!!! He says he does not want to hear another word about the truck-he will walk-well fine-WALK!!!!!!

Right now he has the clothes on his back and that just may be all he gets. I have an attitude now. It will take the National Guard to get him back in the house. I am done! It seems he thinks he is not doing drugs and that is all that counts. He just does what he wants to do and says he has to do. I don't think he has a clue as to what he really wants-except obviously he wants whatever without me. He has his pond scum family and his druggie (recovering-haha-a joke) friends. Will not associate with anyone I know-says they look down on him and will not forget what he has done to me. Not true-he needed to prove himself to them.

Thought about calling my old cop friend but we have been on the outs since gram passed(he owes the estate money).

Well, doors are doublelocked-I have his keys. Dogs are all in and looking for him. Puppies are yelling for food. His blasted dogs!!!!!!! Maybe I can get him for dog abandonment? Well, enough venting. Going to get hold of my attorney who is now a judge and have the divorce papers put back into action. He can just get served at the parole office appointment.

Well, thanks all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not a shaking crazy mess, just fed up and I can't sleep. Giant bubble bath and a good book has not helped.
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Old 09-20-2009, 05:30 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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(((HUGS))))
I know it's hard, keep venting all you want! We're here to listen...
you have a plan in place, just keep moving forward.. baby steps if
you have too.

My STBexAH took a vehicle of ours that was paid for... it was in both our
names... I couldn't drop the insurance on it because of this.. it really ticked
me off I am still having to pay this until the lawyer finishes his stuff. The anger
will propel you forward, though. Use your anger to get things done.
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