iwphl

My wife is an addict, is in recovery and I am just looking for some good advice from someone who has been where a I am. She was on pills, spent all our money. And I don't know if I will ever trust her again. Or atleast when I should start. When she started going to meetings I was very happy I thought it would be all over soon. Boy was I wrong. She met some guy in recovery "a friend" she says. I thought this was unaceptable to talk to the opposite sex so new in recovery. They would text for hours on end. I started noticing changes in her meeting schedule. She denies anything happened but with this whole thing being about a month old I can't believe a word she says. There is a ton more to my story but I don't have enough room or time to tell. Will I ever be able to trust her again?

Anyone know how to deal with this?

How is this supposed to work?

Jason

teke

hi, welcome to sr. glad you found us but sorry for the reason. the addict in my life is my husband of 23 yrs. i don't really have answers to your questions but i would like to welcome you, and let you know that you are not alone. there are a lot of loving and wise friends here that want to walk with you through all of this.

read the stickies at the top of the forum page, keep posting and maybe check your area for alanon meetings, they will help you educate yourself on addiction and co-dependancy. stuck around, orhers who wants to offer you support and their wisdom, will be here shortly.sorry you are going through all of this and i will keep praying for you and her.

iwphl

Thank you, I just posted again because I wasn't sure if the first one worked. Not very good with the computer.

iwphl

And you are right, I have become very co-dependent. That sucks!!!!!!!!!

MyJoey

Jason,

Just sending hugs and support. My addict is my 17 year old son. Please keep reading and posting, it is a long road to recovery for both the addict and the ones that love them. You may want to look for meetings in your area for you, you get tons of support there and learn to deal with the person & addiction. Once trust is broken it takes a long time to repair the damage, we all know the pain you are feeling. Julie

outtolunch

Years ago, when my daughter was about three, we were at a county fair.

It was crowded and I walked a few paces ahead of my husband and daughter.
She whined and he picked her up. She whined again and he put her on his shoulders. She whined again and he allowed her to stand on his shoulders. She whined again and I intervened and put her back on the ground and let her whine.

My husband is not good with boundaries.

The point of all this is that until you determine boundaries for yourself, your wife is likely to keep on pushing it, which will cause more distrust.

For example, "I am not going to live with a wife who spend hours a day texting some guy she met along the way". She may continue to do as she pleases and Lord knows, we have no control over others....but if she does, one of you is out the door.


Only you can decide what is acceptable for you.