Husband in Jail/Mom Callin--Tryin to Stay Strong
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Rio Rancho, NM
Posts: 83
Husband in Jail/Mom Callin--Tryin to Stay Strong I have been hearing from the mom--i have answered her calls, and called her back. He is still in jail and shes saying "hes not mad at me, he still loves me, wants to see me. I have the temporary restraining order and court on the 12th, if i DROP the TRO and go see him we talk about our future. I know better (brain wise) that he is not a well person and i cant go back to him.
My brain doesnt work right now..but i had to post what is goin on. His mom says that the drugs made him act that way.
After seeing my therapist we figured out he is a sociopath. Exactly..exactly!!!
My brain doesnt work right now..but i had to post what is goin on. His mom says that the drugs made him act that way.
After seeing my therapist we figured out he is a sociopath. Exactly..exactly!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Of course he's saying those things and of course he's having his mother do the talking because you might just believe her and drop the TRO and then there's a slight chance he could get out of this mes.
SCREW THAT!!!
You will not drop the TRO. You will not buy into this boo-hoo crap. Yeah, the drugs made him do it. And what do you think he will go right back to when he gets out....the drugs. Then what happens when he does the drugs....HE BEATS YOU UP IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS!!!!!!
Hi! It's just me Alice your friendly neighborhood kick in the pants. His mama is just being worked over by him. That's her problem, not yours. If she calls again say "I know he said that. Yeah, I miss him, too. Yeah, I love him, too. He did this to himself, I wish I could fix it for him, but those blows to the head really have me at a loss for words. Kisses." Then hang up!!
He's where he needs to be. Let him stay there. If you need someone to talk to that's not being manipulated by him and isn't going to have another motive when they talk to you, talk to me. I don't know the turd and I don't care to.
Alice
SCREW THAT!!!
You will not drop the TRO. You will not buy into this boo-hoo crap. Yeah, the drugs made him do it. And what do you think he will go right back to when he gets out....the drugs. Then what happens when he does the drugs....HE BEATS YOU UP IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS!!!!!!
Hi! It's just me Alice your friendly neighborhood kick in the pants. His mama is just being worked over by him. That's her problem, not yours. If she calls again say "I know he said that. Yeah, I miss him, too. Yeah, I love him, too. He did this to himself, I wish I could fix it for him, but those blows to the head really have me at a loss for words. Kisses." Then hang up!!
He's where he needs to be. Let him stay there. If you need someone to talk to that's not being manipulated by him and isn't going to have another motive when they talk to you, talk to me. I don't know the turd and I don't care to.
Alice
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Originally Posted by kuljey 
I know better (brain wise) that he is not a well person and i cant go back to him.
he is a sociopath. Exactly..exactly!!!
he is a sociopath. Exactly..exactly!!!
It's good you came here to post before you did anything...play the tape all the way through ~
:ghug3
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I agree totally with what has been said above.
You don't have to talk to his mom. She is just 'repeating' his MANIPULATION. You KNOW the truth.
Go No Contact with his family as well as him. Go to court, have the TRO turned into a PRO (Permanent).
Stay strong. I am glad you came here first before doing anything.
Love and hugs,
You don't have to talk to his mom. She is just 'repeating' his MANIPULATION. You KNOW the truth.
Go No Contact with his family as well as him. Go to court, have the TRO turned into a PRO (Permanent).
Stay strong. I am glad you came here first before doing anything.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
If this guy was hitting you in front of your kids and abusing you, he should stay in jail. PERIOD. Keep the restraining order, ignore the mom and if she persists on bugging you, tell her you will get a harassment order on her as well. That should stop things ASAP.
As I stated in another post, drugs do not cause abusiveness. Lots of people do drugs, but do they sexually assault strangers on the street or beat up crossing guards? Of course not. Abusiveness is cause by underlying attitudes of entitlement and the belief that they have the right to use whatever force is necessary (physical, mental, emotional, financial, societal) to get whatever they want. Drugs just lower their resistance to acting on those attitudes that are already swirling around inside of them.
As I stated in another post, drugs do not cause abusiveness. Lots of people do drugs, but do they sexually assault strangers on the street or beat up crossing guards? Of course not. Abusiveness is cause by underlying attitudes of entitlement and the belief that they have the right to use whatever force is necessary (physical, mental, emotional, financial, societal) to get whatever they want. Drugs just lower their resistance to acting on those attitudes that are already swirling around inside of them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Rio Rancho, NM
Posts: 83
OKAY EVERYONE!! TODAY IS THE DAY!!!---I HAVE an intake w/legal aide. They will decide if they will take my case!! I havent been online to read everything. I so appreciate the kicks...they help me keep my brain straight!
I am really trying to focus!!! Thank you so much!! Need more!! Thank you thank you!
I am really trying to focus!!! Thank you so much!! Need more!! Thank you thank you!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I like the suggestion to "play the tape all the way through" on these kinds of thoughts.
We're all going with you today (I'll be the one in bunny slippers) and cheering you on!!
Take back your life girl, abuse is never ever ever okay.
Hugs and Prayers that today goes well.
We're all going with you today (I'll be the one in bunny slippers) and cheering you on!!
Take back your life girl, abuse is never ever ever okay.
Hugs and Prayers that today goes well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Cassandra has a thread on positive thinking. Remember that you have to ask your HP and the universe to receive. Put out that resolve that this must be done. You need the case accepted so you can move forward and stay safe. He's trying to reach out to work you over through his mom from jail. He has the help he needs to get what he wants, you need the help on your side to.
Deep breath. Hang in there. Just keep saying to yourself....I got this. I got this. I can do this. I can do this.
.....if the doors close this time. Keep pounding on doors until you get what you need. If you have it in your mind that nothing will dissuade you, then nothing will.
Best to you today!!!
Alice
Deep breath. Hang in there. Just keep saying to yourself....I got this. I got this. I can do this. I can do this.
.....if the doors close this time. Keep pounding on doors until you get what you need. If you have it in your mind that nothing will dissuade you, then nothing will.
Best to you today!!!
Alice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Rio Rancho, NM
Posts: 83
thank you guys!! thank you guys!! i have to have to have to have to stop!! when the legal aide paralegal asked me, are you dont w/him..i said yes, BUT i want to know why... and i started crying. i havent been crying alot. but that why...he loved me..i stood by him in rehab..always was there for him..but he said/did awful/mean things. why!!
ps. they will let me know later if i am going to be receiving their legal help
ps. they will let me know later if i am going to be receiving their legal help
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
i have had my struggles with the "whys' and "what if" questions. those are the kinds of questions that can really hold us back. my big why questions came after i experienced the loss of a friend and my neice. why - why them? the more i tried to figure it out the more upsetting it became until i finally came to the conclusion that there really is no answer - at least not an answer that i could comprehend. i can ask "why is this happening to me?" well, why not me - what makes me so much more special that i shouldnt go through this problem or situation - and maybe i'm going through it because this is my journey and what i need to go through to become who i'm supposed to be.
so i dont ask why, and i dont reflect on what ifs anymore. i thank HP for what i've gone through because this is what makes me who i am and i ask for strength to get through the next battles that are most assuredly around the corner. i seek peace in the times i can and try not to ask questions that have no answers. there is also the reality that the answers could hurt us more than we're already hurt so best not to open that pandora's box and instead just accept it for what it is.
so i dont ask why, and i dont reflect on what ifs anymore. i thank HP for what i've gone through because this is what makes me who i am and i ask for strength to get through the next battles that are most assuredly around the corner. i seek peace in the times i can and try not to ask questions that have no answers. there is also the reality that the answers could hurt us more than we're already hurt so best not to open that pandora's box and instead just accept it for what it is.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
Originally Posted by winnie12
i have had my struggles with the "whys' and "what if" questions. those are the kinds of questions that can really hold us back. my big why questions came after i experienced the loss of a friend and my neice. why - why them? the more i tried to figure it out the more upsetting it became until i finally came to the conclusion that there really is no answer - at least not an answer that i could comprehend. i can ask "why is this happening to me?" well, why not me - what makes me so much more special that i shouldnt go through this problem or situation - and maybe i'm going through it because this is my journey and what i need to go through to become who i'm supposed to be.
so i dont ask why, and i dont reflect on what ifs anymore. i thank HP for what i've gone through because this is what makes me who i am and i ask for strength to get through the next battles that are most assuredly around the corner. i seek peace in the times i can and try not to ask questions that have no answers. there is also the reality that the answers could hurt us more than we're already hurt so best not to open that pandora's box and instead just accept it for what it is.
so i dont ask why, and i dont reflect on what ifs anymore. i thank HP for what i've gone through because this is what makes me who i am and i ask for strength to get through the next battles that are most assuredly around the corner. i seek peace in the times i can and try not to ask questions that have no answers. there is also the reality that the answers could hurt us more than we're already hurt so best not to open that pandora's box and instead just accept it for what it is.
From me to you Winnie - Thank you for that post. All the things that happen to us throughout our lives is our journey. We don't always know why, we're probably not supposed to. If we could all remember this, maybe we could trudge thru life with what we really want: SELF-fullfillment, and that really does come from within. We are the only ones that gets to decide that.
Gotahavfaith
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Rio Rancho, NM
Posts: 83
My head knows...but...still STRUGGLING
well, i did it this time, i called the mother. I almost even called his daughters grandmother (the one who LOVED to tell me the bad stuff he would go tell them--supposedly.) i was going to apologize to her for upsetting her--honestly guys--i wanted to know if his daughter has heard from Addict Husband...(possibly soon to be...more than likely Ex AH.) His mom said God doesnt like divorce. That he wants to talk about our future. BUT...HES A SOCIOPATH.
***he fits all these****
Antisocial Personality Disorder is also known as psychopathy or
sociopathy. Individuals with this disorder have little regard for the
feeling and welfare of others. As a clinical diagnosis it is usually
limited to those over age 18. It can be diagnosed in younger people
if the they commit isolated antisocial acts and do not show signs of
another mental disorder.
Antisocial Personality Disorder is chronic, beginning in adolescence
and continuing throughout adulthood. There are ten general
symptoms:
not learning from experience
no sense of responsibility
inability to form meaningful relationships
inability to control impulses
lack of moral sense
chronically antisocial behavior
no change in behavior after punishment
emotional immaturity
lack of guilt
self-centeredness
People with this disorder may exhibit criminal behavior. They may
not work. If they do work, they are frequently absent or may quit
suddenly. They do not consider other people's wishes, welfare or
rights. They can be manipulative and may lie to gain personal
pleasure or profit. They may default on loans, fail to provide child
support, or fail to care for their dependents adequately. High risk
sexual behavior and substance abuse are common. Impulsiveness,
failure to plan ahead, aggressiveness, irritability, irresponsibility,
and a reckless disregard for their own safety and the safety of
others are traits of the antisocial personality.
Socioeconomic status, gender, and genetic factors play a role.
Males are more likely to be antisocial than females. Those from
lower socioeconomic groups are more susceptible. A family history
of the disorder puts one at higher risk.
There are many theories about the cause of Antisocial Personality
Disorder including experiencing neglectful parenting as a child, low
levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, and belief that
antisocial behavior is justified because of difficult circumstances.
Psychotherapy, group therapy, and family therapy are common
treatments. The effects of medical treatment are inconclusive.
Unfortunately, most people with Antisocial Personality Disorder
reject treatment. Therefore, recovery rates are low.
Been seeing my therapist 2x week now! She said to think about the times i am struggling (weekends, night) and we can come up with a plan to help those times. I have today to make a visit at the jail only, and visit either sat/sun...today is the last last day for a decision.. because next week (wed) is the restraining order hearing. Wow, i have bad anxiety!
Help! Signed: Wanting to Know!! :praying
***he fits all these****
Antisocial Personality Disorder is also known as psychopathy or
sociopathy. Individuals with this disorder have little regard for the
feeling and welfare of others. As a clinical diagnosis it is usually
limited to those over age 18. It can be diagnosed in younger people
if the they commit isolated antisocial acts and do not show signs of
another mental disorder.
Antisocial Personality Disorder is chronic, beginning in adolescence
and continuing throughout adulthood. There are ten general
symptoms:
not learning from experience
no sense of responsibility
inability to form meaningful relationships
inability to control impulses
lack of moral sense
chronically antisocial behavior
no change in behavior after punishment
emotional immaturity
lack of guilt
self-centeredness
People with this disorder may exhibit criminal behavior. They may
not work. If they do work, they are frequently absent or may quit
suddenly. They do not consider other people's wishes, welfare or
rights. They can be manipulative and may lie to gain personal
pleasure or profit. They may default on loans, fail to provide child
support, or fail to care for their dependents adequately. High risk
sexual behavior and substance abuse are common. Impulsiveness,
failure to plan ahead, aggressiveness, irritability, irresponsibility,
and a reckless disregard for their own safety and the safety of
others are traits of the antisocial personality.
Socioeconomic status, gender, and genetic factors play a role.
Males are more likely to be antisocial than females. Those from
lower socioeconomic groups are more susceptible. A family history
of the disorder puts one at higher risk.
There are many theories about the cause of Antisocial Personality
Disorder including experiencing neglectful parenting as a child, low
levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, and belief that
antisocial behavior is justified because of difficult circumstances.
Psychotherapy, group therapy, and family therapy are common
treatments. The effects of medical treatment are inconclusive.
Unfortunately, most people with Antisocial Personality Disorder
reject treatment. Therefore, recovery rates are low.
Been seeing my therapist 2x week now! She said to think about the times i am struggling (weekends, night) and we can come up with a plan to help those times. I have today to make a visit at the jail only, and visit either sat/sun...today is the last last day for a decision.. because next week (wed) is the restraining order hearing. Wow, i have bad anxiety!
Help! Signed: Wanting to Know!! :praying
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
You DO NOT have to visit the jail and/or HIM.
This man and his family are TOXIC. He is a very ABUSIVE DANGEROUS person. I hope you keep yourself and your child as far away from him as possible!
Please go through with the Wednesday court date and get the TRO installed as a PRO for your safety.
Have a plan ............................ keep your cell phone with you at ALL TIMES.
Keep a bag in the trunk of your vehicle with a change of clothes in it for you and your child, important papers, and a list of people you can call.
Program the DV Shelter's number into your cell phone.
Take extra precautions and stay safe.
Love and hugs,
This man and his family are TOXIC. He is a very ABUSIVE DANGEROUS person. I hope you keep yourself and your child as far away from him as possible!
Please go through with the Wednesday court date and get the TRO installed as a PRO for your safety.
Have a plan ............................ keep your cell phone with you at ALL TIMES.
Keep a bag in the trunk of your vehicle with a change of clothes in it for you and your child, important papers, and a list of people you can call.
Program the DV Shelter's number into your cell phone.
Take extra precautions and stay safe.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
darling, you need a vacation from the insanity. you're in so deep in his world that you're lost and cant think clearly. sometimes even a no contact time period for a few days or weeks can really help to clear the head. I have no idea whether he is a sociopath but i can tell you that from what you say he is abusive and manipulating you and so is his mother. Sure HP doesnt like divorce but He also doesnt approve of husbands being abusive and destroying their families. Even in my church abuse is grounds for divorce.
You’ve got to start taking care of yourself because no one else is going to. Its time to start calling the shots in your own life. Everytime you communicate with them you give up your own power over your life. Please try no contact at all for a while. If you have a friend you can go stay with a few days do it – if you have to turn off your phone do it. Whatever it takes do it. Come up with a plan of how to regain your life and figure out what you can do now to start that. Keep your mind occupied on other things so that you’re not obsessing about him.
Darlin, this is no way to live - this is no way to treat your wife. but he doesnt have your best interests at heart and neither does his family. so you have to do this - reach deep down inside and find that strength - trust in your HP to give you strength when you dont feel you can do it. I think you may surprise yourself if you just start the journey.
You’ve got to start taking care of yourself because no one else is going to. Its time to start calling the shots in your own life. Everytime you communicate with them you give up your own power over your life. Please try no contact at all for a while. If you have a friend you can go stay with a few days do it – if you have to turn off your phone do it. Whatever it takes do it. Come up with a plan of how to regain your life and figure out what you can do now to start that. Keep your mind occupied on other things so that you’re not obsessing about him.
Darlin, this is no way to live - this is no way to treat your wife. but he doesnt have your best interests at heart and neither does his family. so you have to do this - reach deep down inside and find that strength - trust in your HP to give you strength when you dont feel you can do it. I think you may surprise yourself if you just start the journey.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by kuljey
well, i did it this time, i called the mother. I almost even called his daughters grandmother (the one who LOVED to tell me the bad stuff he would go tell them--supposedly.) i was going to apologize to her for upsetting her--honestly guys--i wanted to know if his daughter has heard from Addict Husband...(possibly soon to be...more than likely Ex AH.) His mom said God doesnt like divorce. That he wants to talk about our future. BUT...HES A SOCIOPATH.
You want to appologize to this woman because she gave you the stink eye?
You want to know if they have heard from the sociopath? Why is this?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Originally Posted by kuljey
His mom said God doesn't like divorce. That he wants to talk about our future. BUT...HES A SOCIOPATH.
***he fits all these****
***he fits all these****
I struggled with this for a loooooong time.... that God hates divorce. I felt
if I prayed enough and stood by him, he would change. God can change people, but only if they are willing. My STBexH wasn't willing, so we finally
separated after 21 years. The husband is supposed to love the wife as Christ
loved the Church.... if he is not treating you with love in all his actions, then he is not fulfilling his part... and God never condones abuse. If this is part of what's holding you back from moving on... God will forgive divorce ... you've done all you can to save the marriage, and your partner isn't doing his part, just ask for forgiveness and then continue legal protection to keep yourself safe.
(((HUGS)))
Ray
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