Husband in Jail/Mom Callin--Tryin to Stay Strong

Old 08-06-2009, 01:07 PM
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I tell people that the reason that my ex and I got divorced was over religious differences - he thought he was God and I disagreed with him.

I'm pretty sure that your husband is not God. And I am pretty sure that neither he or his mom has any direct insight into God's will for you. That is for you alone.
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Old 08-07-2009, 08:09 AM
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Unhappy Why is my brain...

geez why in the world is my brain working this way?
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Old 08-07-2009, 08:32 AM
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Originally Posted by kuljey View Post
geez why in the world is my brain working this way?
Have you ever been awaken by a really bad dream and you couldnt shake it or go back to sleep? maybe even had to go check on the kids to make sure everyone was okay. well its kinda like that or like being brainwashed - you mind has been thinking a certain way for a very long time and you have to change the way you think.

so what i do is when i start thinking the old ways - i do something, anything. post on SR, go for a walk, clean the bathroom, pick up a book, put a funny movie on tv, call a friend - anything to stop that train of thought. I try to engage in things that dont remind me of the problems or bring me in contact with people who will remind me.

see everytime he's done A you've done B and your brain is now trained to think that way
now that you realize the insanity, you have to retrain your brain to do C
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Old 08-07-2009, 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by kuljey View Post
geez why in the world is my brain working this way?
Self esteem, lack thereof, is often at the root of most of our own problems.

When we don't feel good about ourselves, we all have a tendency to make decisions based on emotions that often sustain our poor self image. It's a self perpetuating habit that afflicts all humans at some point in time.

Self esteem improves when we make set boundaries and make better decisions for ourselves. Better boundaries and decisions may carry some amount of discomfort at first but over the long haul, it leads to self love.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:05 AM
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my therapist made me contract with her (made me a 3rd appt for this week) to not contact him at all or the mother. im thinking he is very desperate and trying to set me up to get me in trouble.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:18 AM
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Addicts do sometimes get desperate and will do anything to blame others... as long
as they have someone else to blame, they don't have to accept the reality of their
own actions/faults.

Stay strong. You are doing the right thing!
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:40 AM
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my therapist made me contract with her (made me a 3rd appt for this week) to not contact him at all or the mother. im thinking he is very desperate and trying to set me up to get me in trouble.
Yes, he is very desperate -- his manipulation that has always worked in the past is not working now. This is the hard part -- the part where you have to follow through!

Kuljey - You KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that you should stay far far away. Every fiber of your being is telling you this is true. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other because you know what is the right thing to do.
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Old 08-07-2009, 11:50 AM
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Kuljey, He KNEW what he was doing and he and his mother are using drugs as an excuse. It was NOT the drugs that "made" him do it! They KNOW what they are doing when they beat you up! He just doesn't care. Stay the hell away from him.
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Old 08-07-2009, 04:04 PM
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Originally Posted by kuljey View Post
my therapist made me contract with her (made me a 3rd appt for this week) to not contact him at all or the mother. im thinking he is very desperate and trying to set me up to get me in trouble.
Stop over thinking this guy, kuljey. It tends to lead to rationalizing. And that's how we get into trouble.

Honor the contract with your therapist.
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