Abundance

Thank you so much for that poem.

The cool thing is that I told my best friend that by my placing my safety, structure, and support in place (i think those are the 3 s's).... It will be helpful so that I don't find myself in that same situation again, and that I don't ever get involved with another addict again!

Chapters what????????

That's right............ FOUR and FIVE babeeeeeeeeeee!!!! :-)

last night was chapter three.....

And also just to add in parts of IPT's poem that he posted....

"......
I do all right alone,
and better together,
but I do very poorly
when semi-
together.

In solitude I do much,
in love I do more,
but in doubt
I only transfer pain to paper
in gigantic Passion Plays
complete with miracles and martyrs
and crucifixions and resurrections.

Come to stay
or
stay away."

Impurrfect

(((Abs))) - I do remember Happysoul and miss her. I was just thinking about her the other day and hope she is doing well.

Good luck on the not smoking! I quit on April 4th, used the patches, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I slipped one day, got a cigarette from my niece but only took 3 puffs and it was horrible, couldn't even inhale, gave her the cigarette back and haven't wanted one since.

Keep up the great work!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Abundance

Amy - Congrats to you for quitting!

I've been on Welbutrin for nearly 6 months... and have cut down on the cigs by 50%..... which really helps with the cravings.

I have been smoking now out of association and 'habit'.

I have to stop because I was warned by the doc on Friday... that if I take estrogen ... then it's verrrrry dangerous to smoke. I mean - it's not good anyway - but it's even more so of a risk if on estrogen.

I remember that awful taste and not inhaling after giving up for both pregnancies. AND then I start again.

I think that quitting smoking is just another symbol of my new life ... and what is to come!

Stellargirl

OMG, honestly girl I couldn't even read all of it.
What is it going to take to let go of him?

FIRST, you have to eliminate all contact. Now, I know why we haven't been talking lately because I can't be the compassionate friend you need right now.
Because,
I know you are stronger than this. Just eliminate all contact and learn to love yourself, you need to be single and learn to love yourself so you can stop attracting AND ACCEPTING men like him.

Let me be your example, I know its hard but first things first. Eliminate all contact. I know you can do this. If not now, when? When you're more hurt?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop all contact!

SOOO<
I just read threw most of it and 1. im sorry that i didn't read it first.
2. I am so proud of you!!!!!

You are so on track to getting yourself back. Just like you, I had to eliminate all contact. They are like our drug and drugs are bad.
I am soooooooooooooo glad you blocked his emails and phone number, have you taken him off your FB?

Would putting a picture of your boys in your purse or on your liter or in a pack help remind you of TWO very important reasons why to quit?

I think going back to yoga daily would greatly benefit you! and your sweet boys

Sending love and strength via thoughts to you!

Abundance

SG.... you wouldn't be the only friend I stopped talking about this with because they got sick of hearing about it.

Thinking that if you read this whole thing... your questions would be answered.

But I'll sum it up for you real quick.

I BLOCKED him from being able to contact me, as well as me being able to contact him. I KNOW I'm stronger than this.

Anywho.... I've got 10 more cigs to finish out of this flipping pack and then I am DONE with smoking (missed the best part chica!)

Abundance

aaaaaaaah... thanks for reading it and editing! I was thinking for a second... woah... what happened to me stellabella?!?!

I HAVE taken him off my fb... I also have deleted ALL photos that were posted/tagged of him on my fb!

I'm still in the foot brace cause of my toe...... but as soon as that is remedied... YES ... getting back to yoga/working out at the gym I joined a couple of months ago..... is the plan.

tjp613

Stellargirl -- don't be too harsh on ol' Abundance. I've been where she is and IT MAKES NO SENSE from the outside looking in. I went thru 3 years of hell (+ one more where he stalked and hounded me). When she has had ENOUGH (just like drugs and cigarettes) she will be DONE. Gladly, it looks like she is finally there.

I went to church yesterday and the message was so appropriate...left an image in my mind I'll not soon forget. If you imagine the fullness of life as a river, where the center in deep and swift, sometimes scary but invigorating....and gets you where you really want to be... then look at how we hang on to the roots of trees on the bank! We hang on for dear life, STRUGGLE against the current to hang on, getting muddy and scratched up, even though the best of life is passing us by. LET GO!!! GET INTO THE FLOW OF LIFE! Go where the current takes you and enjoy the ride!

Dontcha love that?

Abundance

TJP.... that is a great analogy!

It's all good with stellargirl. She and I became really good friends from SR... in fact... she flew out to see me for a little vacation about 6 months ago! My first SR meet up! She was my side kick through 2008... don't know what I would have done without her! But like many of my friends who I talk to on a near daily basis were like.... "aaaah get OVER it already?!!!" In fact, there have been a couple of friends that just stopped calling (as much) .... or would just quit asking... not even mention his name. Cause it just made them nutso that I was staying in such dysfunction. They didn't understand why I would allow myself to keep getting hurt over and over and over again. And I know it's got to be hard to understand... I'm in it and really couldn't understand it - accept for understanding that I am a codie. I'm only a codie with *him* though.... not with my friends, not even with my boys (yet) - please G-d, I hope I'm not one with them. MUST stay in recovery........ mmmmmmmm K?! Anywho- so my friends REALLY don't understand because when I explain my codie behavior - they don't experience it for themselves... so then they are even MORE confused! LOL


I welcomed the non - conversation about him or "us"... it was a sweet escape to NOT discuss! Ya know?

It was also a good "bar/par" if you will. A few friends even warned me... "Hey.. if we are still having this same conversation in x amount of months (different for each friend) - then I don't know if I will be able to be your friend. It's hurting me too much to know you are hurting and keep going back for more... etc. etc. etc." I actually welcomed their boundaries.... and drew strength from them! Because I wanted to be doing the same for MYSELF.... drawing boundaries and protecting MYSELF!

Stellargirl

I'm glad we are all good and that you head off to Visspassna soon!

So, its weird I looked at the other thread and there was no posts, Im getting all turned around ion here, SR, since I haven't been here in so long.

You are truly getting back on your healthy path, YAYE!

p.s. I deleted him from my FB too

Abundance

aaaaaw man... now I can't ask you to enable my sickness and go sneak a peak at his page for me when I'm having cravings! hahahaha! Geeeezz.... some kind of friend you are! lol.......... totally kidding! bahahahaha!

*actually it's a reality! I didn't mean it to... but someone else who we are both "friends" with on there popped up into my mind. Isn't that just crazy? Like ... oooh shoot SG can't peak for me - but this friend could/would? (If I asked)

It's probably really helpful considering that he has been on his FB page maybe twice since he opened it?!

ACK.... quitting a person is like quitting a drug..... an addiction! Cause if they weren't a problem in our lives to begin with - we wouldn't HAVE to quit them would we? We'd just let it "go away" on it's own... no force... just letting it all unfold - naturally with no attachment. I have a feeling that the 'no contact'... is only going to enable the unfolding and "letting go"... I have seen it with you and your "x". You live in the same town as him though, I give you massive kudos of strength for all you went through and here you are!

xoxoxo