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-   -   posted bond (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/181573-posted-bond.html)

dogged 08-01-2009 06:35 AM

posted bond
 
ok i did something stupid, months ago i posted bond for my boyfriend, it was his money so i didnt care, but i didnt realize what i was signing..anyway to make a long story short he was inrecovery doing really well for almost a year..then he went back home and havent seen him for 3 days, he has called me once..we argued, he turns his phone off and im keeping track of where he is at through the phone service since i own the phone..problem is he doesnt go back to court til this fall..i feel that i cant break up with him til he shows up for court.otherwise i will owe money,,ive talked to the bail bondsman, and they said to keep the relationship going as long as i can since if he goes on the run it will cost me air time and whatever other expenses that accure while trying to catch him..i dont know if he is coming back or not, or if he will go back to court when he is suppose to., he may face some jail time..i dont know..he is scared of doing more time, so i can see him not showing up for court..do i call them now and tell them he is somehwere in ********** and they look for him? or do i take my chances? i hate to be the one to have him arrested for fear of the unknowen? and if arrested it will look bad when he goes to court,,i have no proof of anything of what he is doing but im sure its not good,,, as of right now the chance of probation is good and if i have him arrested he may actually go do some time? i dont know what to do... i want to protect myself, but yet i dont want to cause more issues with him legally than necessary

Freedom1990 08-01-2009 06:53 AM

Just from what you've posted, it sounds to me like you are trying very hard to find a way to control the outcome.

Do you have a higher power? If so, do you trust that higher power to take care of things as they should be?

I find that when I take care of my side of the street, and leave everyone else to their side, things are much less confusing for me. :)

totfit 08-01-2009 08:34 AM

Go to the court, express your concerns and have his bond revoked and have him picked up. Then, don't walk away, run.

greeteachday 08-01-2009 08:41 AM

Reading your post brought me back to the insanity of when I was at my sickest...I could picture myself looking up cell phone records, making phone calls all over, arguing, pacing...and it made me feel really stressed. I imagine you are stressed too - I'm sorry you are going through that. Perhaps you can ask yourself whether your goal is to make sure you do not lose out financially by trying to control his actions and get him to court in a couple of months or to restore yourself to some level of peace...or maybe it is something else completely. If you are primarily concerned about the finances, you may face some stressful and strained days for awhile...and no matter what you do, you may not be able to control what he will do come time for court.

I think in your shoes, I would try to choose as Freedom said - trust in a power greater than me; focus on myself and let things unfold.

laurie6781 08-01-2009 09:03 AM


Go to the court, express your concerns and have his bond revoked and have him picked up. Then, don't walk away, run.
Actually I believe you can do it with the Bondsman. Write a letter, send it 'Certified Mail, Return Receipt Requested' that you are 'revoking' the bond. Once you have the returned card, that they indeed did sign for the letter, then you can call them or take that card with a copy of the letter to the court. That gets you OFF THE BOND and you are not responsible for it. It is then up to the Bondsman to get him to sign his paperwork, or get a 'co-signer', or take him into custody.

There are some Bondsmen, that will not take a girlfriend or spouse on a bond, as it the person signing can use it over the person's head ie 'you don't do this or that and I'll revocke your bond.' They feel it becomes a 'control issue.' I believe Duane Chapman (Dog the Bounty Hunter) is one of them.

Sounds like a lazy bondsman to me. Only you can decide if his 'actions' are showing progress, and that he will be there for his court date or not.

Check your motives very carefully. If you are trully fearful of the possible financial liability you might want to revoke. If it is to 'control' and to know where he is then you might want to give revocation a second think.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

dogged 08-01-2009 01:52 PM

well it is because of the financial situation i just got laid off from one job and hanging unto my other job, but its not like i can afford 4000 right now,,but i think ill wait til closer to the time and then decide..i am to the point that im hoping he screws up enough to get picked up for something.....the way i see it,,he is not looking out for my well being so i shouldnt care what happens to him either...but yes its more of the finacial strain than anything..if thier was no bond i would just say forget it..i wouldnt bother seeing who he is calling or whatever because i really dont care right now, other than if he skips town,,,

teke 08-02-2009 02:17 PM

hi, i went through the same thing with my ah a few yrs ago and i did have the bond revolked. even though they did not run out and pick him up, i was glad that i was no longer worried about being held responsible for his actions. turned out, he had relapsed being the reason he went awol. hope thats not the case with your rabf.

if you really are afraid of him being a flight risk, you may want to think about doing it regardless. otherwise, i believe sometimes emotions can cause hasty decision making. i'd say take a few deep breathes, think about your motives then do whats best for you. keeping you and yours in my prayers


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