sigh, have started process for will

Old 07-31-2009, 08:19 AM
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sigh, have started process for will

Gosh, it's hard to think about my own demise. But i'm at the age when i gotta think ahead about what little material possessions i've amassed over the years.

My biggest push was the thought of AS getting his "share" in what I have. My deep resolve is that I will not help this AS stay sick. Accepting that money is the lifeblood of addiction, my concern is that my things (money, house, car) could get into his hands after all and keep him sick. So i decided to take what would have been his portion and donate it to a long-term drug rehab that is run on church donations from all over the country and thereby can treat addicts who can afford it or not (gosh, how many addicts can afford rehab long-term or not?). I might write him a letter to be read after i'm gone explaining it all.

But gosh, it's pretty emotional doing a will - whether for my reasons or just for normal reasons. I found myself doing errands in the car and thinking to myself, "don't get in a terrible accident yet - you don't have that will thing taken care of!"
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Old 07-31-2009, 10:05 AM
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There is an older lifetime addict that my daughter's knows whose grandparents/ parents established a modest trust fund for him because they knew, given the opportunity, he would blow it all at once. So now he has enough money to keep a crummy roof over his head and junk in his veins and has not worked in 25 years. In effect, they enabled from the grave.

I read a story about parents who set up a trust fund and made their son's access to it, conditional on periodic drug testing. It struck me as trying to control someone, from the grave.

Willing funds to a worthy cause instead of family often makes sense, regardless of addiction, or not.
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Old 07-31-2009, 10:49 AM
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I think that's a splendid idea and I agree that leaving them money or assets is not a good thing. They have our love and prayers now, that's enough.

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Old 07-31-2009, 10:57 AM
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We plan on spending every last penny before we die
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Old 07-31-2009, 11:09 AM
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My mom set up a trust for my sister and I and the grandchildren. Of course, none of us are drinking or using. She set it so the grandchildren cannot start withdrawing from it until age 30 and my sis and I get monthly trust payments. I am grateful she did as I am on disability and it sure helps a lot. However, she was a smart woman, and when it was first set up many years ago, there was a stipulation in it that IF I was still alive and using I was not a part of the trust, lol as I said smart woman.

That being said, I do believe what you are doing and how you are setting it up is GREAT!!! You can, of course, should he get into recovery and maintain recovery for a long time, change your will. Nothing is set in stone.

I know how hard it is making a will. I have mine done, not that I have that much, but there are some things that certain grandkids have said they would like, I have an ongoing collection of the "Painted Ponies" that my one grand daughter wants so badly, that is in the will. I also had to put in a provision for my fur babies and who they are to go to, plus once the house is sold (it is paid for) the proceeds of that and the proceeds of selling the collectibles and jewelry the kids have not requested.

I am 'lucky' in that so far none of my kids have the 'addiction bug.' All my A's have been parents and husbands. We are, (my sis and I), watching the offsping very closely.

I am 64, my sister is 53 and she too has made out her will. It is HARD to do that, I don't think any of us want to think about 'dying'. However, in this day and age, it is a necessity to have a will.

Good for you for thinking ahead and getting instructions in black and white. Not so much to 'control' another, but to see that your assets go where you want them to go.

Thank you for starting this thread.

I M H O it is never too early to write a will.

Love and hugs,
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Old 07-31-2009, 06:12 PM
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I only had 1 child and he is dead due to overdose. A couple of years ago I told him that everything my husband and I had will go to Danny his son. I told him I have given him everything in his life now it is Danny's turn to have the rest. I got him places to live payed his bills gave him money to spend bought him all the clothes he would ever need. Gave him to many cars and paid insurance on everyone. I told him he spent his inhertance. I took his name off of everthing and put his son name in his place. He didn't like it but he know I was right. So this is what I did it didn't help or hinder he died from the drugs.

Your friend,
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Old 07-31-2009, 08:53 PM
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How strange this thread came up. I made an appointment with my attorney to change my will two days ago. Lots of decisions to make in the next two weeks before I see him.RAH and I have only been married 6 yrs and 3/4 of that time he has been in prison. All assets were mine long before he came along. I have three grown daughters and will leave almost everything to them. He spent his future inheritence on drugs-sorry he gets a truck and enough $ to make a downpayment on a home.

I am a believer in having a will clearing defining all assets.
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Old 08-01-2009, 11:21 AM
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My husband and I did the same thing. We left everything to our youngest son. Our lawyer did include in there that we loved our AS very much and always would but this is what we felt best at this time. I broke my heart to do this (my son knows we have done this) but I couldn't stand the thought of feeding his addiction with money from our deaths. I pray that one day I will be able to change my will to include him.
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Old 08-01-2009, 12:02 PM
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get it, give it, grow in it
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Is it possible to leave provision for a trust fund to be drawn from only for rehab and other medical treatment?
As parents of an addict we do wrestle with this topic, so thanks for bringing it up here.
I have avoided a will bec. I couldn't decide what to do,which is not a good option to leave it undone.
Your thread is motivating me to make decisions and get it done.
Luckily my son has been sober for 14 mos. so I feel differently than I did 2 yrs ago.
Fortunately once we make the will we can change it as circumstances change one way or the other.
I think I will tackle making a will and get it done this time !
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Old 08-02-2009, 01:26 PM
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Spiritual Seeker:

I had a choice between a trust and a will. I like the idea of a will better because with a trust fund i had to pick somebody to make those hard decisions - (you get this, you don't get that). And i did not know if that somebody would make decisions that i would have felt comfortable with - in other words, i did not know if somehow that somebody would have been manipulated in using my assets to keep AS sick.... Plus, i did not want to have to put that somebody in such a situation...

I can change the will pretty cheap somewhere down the line if i want to change it so AS does get his share.
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