AH says moving will fix it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 39
AH says moving will fix it
my roxie/perc addicted husband claims if he/we move to Fl., he will no longer have this addiction. he started the addiction through prescriptions while we lived there over 7 years ago. We've been gone from there for 5 and now that is his answer to staying on the subs (which he sells here) says he can get stuff on any corner here and he won't seek it there. I KNOW this is denial and he won't listen to that...I filed for divorce...I am home alone now with our two boys and when I stop and let myself feel/think I am so scared and lonely. I've read the co-depen. books and that's who I've been...so I'm working on myself....
on the other hand I do know his friends who tell me they did have to move away to stop.
just typing my feelings and trying to let go....
on the other hand I do know his friends who tell me they did have to move away to stop.
just typing my feelings and trying to let go....
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
In addiction circles that is called a GEOGRAPHIC and it does not work. In cruder terms, many times it is called 'unlawful flight to avoid prosecution.'
Good for you!!!!!! Sounds like you are taking care of you and your two boys to the best of your ability.
There is lots and lots of ES&H here and we will walk with you.
Have you tried any Al-Anon meetings? I think you might find it helpful and will have some 'contact' ie one on one when you hit the 'rough spots.'
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
..I filed for divorce........................................... .....just typing my feelings and trying to let go....
There is lots and lots of ES&H here and we will walk with you.
Have you tried any Al-Anon meetings? I think you might find it helpful and will have some 'contact' ie one on one when you hit the 'rough spots.'
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
I don't know. He needs outside help or a program too. However, when I was growing up I had many friends go to rehab, come back and slip up preety quick. The ones that I know of that got clean and stayed clean left town and never came back. They worked programs elsewhere and then stayed away from "home" where many of the old triggers were. Just my .02cents.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 83
To echo what others have said, moving from one place to another does nothing to minimize one's addiction. That is wishful thinking on his part, or more specifically, abject denial.
While it can be helpful to someone struggling with addiction to move out of the 'old neighborhood' so to speak, it sounds like he is expecting that the grass will be greener elsewhere and if that is the case then he will not use. That is sheer nonsense.
Any addict can sniff out a dealer on a street corner regardless of where he or she is. If he moves to Florida I can promise you that he will find a new connection within a matter of hours...
While it can be helpful to someone struggling with addiction to move out of the 'old neighborhood' so to speak, it sounds like he is expecting that the grass will be greener elsewhere and if that is the case then he will not use. That is sheer nonsense.
Any addict can sniff out a dealer on a street corner regardless of where he or she is. If he moves to Florida I can promise you that he will find a new connection within a matter of hours...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Moving away from the old stomping grounds is something addicts in recovery do often, but they don't have to change towns or move far to do it. If they are still active in addiction, it doesn't matter much where they live, they will find the drug anywhere.
What matter most is what is right for YOU. Moving may mean giving up your job, your friends and your support if you go to meetings and have support in place.
Hugs
What matter most is what is right for YOU. Moving may mean giving up your job, your friends and your support if you go to meetings and have support in place.
Hugs
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm a ra and i agree, until an addict is ready to quit, they will find a dealer where ever they go. when i got clean, i lived in the mist of dealers. i tried geographical change, guess i just wasn't as ready as i thought i was cause it didn't take long for the dealers to show themselves.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I did move away from my old 'hood, and it did help, but when I relapsed, I was in a totally new city, found my DOC anyway, and ended up back in my 'hood
I also found my DOC in my new neighborhood when I wanted to.
Honestly, now that I've been in recovery for over 2 years, I wouldn't go back to that city but only because there is nothing there for me BUT using friends...no job, no sober friends, etc.
If I had wanted recovery in my old city, I could have found it before I got locked up and sent away. I think he's just thinking that it will take a while to actually move to FL, and in the meantime he can keep using...at least that's what I would be thinking back when I was still active....anything to protect my using.
Good for you on filing divorce!!! Keep focused on you, let him work on him, but by all means come here and "talk" about what's on your mind.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I also found my DOC in my new neighborhood when I wanted to. Honestly, now that I've been in recovery for over 2 years, I wouldn't go back to that city but only because there is nothing there for me BUT using friends...no job, no sober friends, etc.
If I had wanted recovery in my old city, I could have found it before I got locked up and sent away. I think he's just thinking that it will take a while to actually move to FL, and in the meantime he can keep using...at least that's what I would be thinking back when I was still active....anything to protect my using.
Good for you on filing divorce!!! Keep focused on you, let him work on him, but by all means come here and "talk" about what's on your mind.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
My inlaws mentioned to me once that maybe my AH should relocate and then he could have a fresh start... My reaction.. I looked at them like they were crazy.. No matter where he goes he is still a drug addict, and like the others said he will find new dealers before the boxes are unpacked.
Changing your playgrounds and playmates is a lot more then just relocating.. it means making concious choices of where you hang out, saying goodbye to old friends and finding new sober friends to hang out with, one that will support your recovery and not enable it. For an addict it means trading in phone numbers for dealer for numbers to NA friends. It's not as easy as it sounds. My AH is having to learn the hard way that changing the company he keeps is the key to staying clean. Relocating will only remedy this for as long as it takes for the addict to find people that will give him what he needs.
Making the decison to divorce is a hard one and I admire your strength in doing so.. it' something that I cannot bring myself to do just yet.. Good Job on taking care of you and your kids.
Changing your playgrounds and playmates is a lot more then just relocating.. it means making concious choices of where you hang out, saying goodbye to old friends and finding new sober friends to hang out with, one that will support your recovery and not enable it. For an addict it means trading in phone numbers for dealer for numbers to NA friends. It's not as easy as it sounds. My AH is having to learn the hard way that changing the company he keeps is the key to staying clean. Relocating will only remedy this for as long as it takes for the addict to find people that will give him what he needs.
Making the decison to divorce is a hard one and I admire your strength in doing so.. it' something that I cannot bring myself to do just yet.. Good Job on taking care of you and your kids.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: buffalo ny
Posts: 167
Originally Posted by Ann 
Moving away from the old stomping grounds is something addicts in recovery do often, but they don't have to change towns or move far to do it. If they are still active in addiction, it doesn't matter much where they live, they will find the drug anywhere.
What matter most is what is right for YOU. Moving may mean giving up your job, your friends and your support if you go to meetings and have support in place.
Hugs
What matter most is what is right for YOU. Moving may mean giving up your job, your friends and your support if you go to meetings and have support in place.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Problem is, no matter where you go, there you are. It's not like the addict can leave themselves behind.
Be strong with the divorce stuff. It will be a hassle and will hurt like hell, but remember that the quickest way out is through. :ghug3
Be strong with the divorce stuff. It will be a hassle and will hurt like hell, but remember that the quickest way out is through. :ghug3
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
No matter how much we try to leave behind - people, places and things - the disease seems to always be willing to relocate with us.
I do agree like others have said - alcoholics/addicts and al-anons sometimes decide to change their habits, friends and surroundings once in recovery to avoid "triggers".
I am an true blue 125 % Al-anoner and I have triggers of my al-anon behaviors. I have things, places and people that I need to avoid to not trigger my al-anonisms. BUT even if there were NO alcoholics/addicts around me - some of those behaviors would come out if I was NOT working a program, no matter where I lived.
It is just the nature of the disease.
I wish you the very best in learning to take care of YOU - You deserve the very best - we all do!!
Don't give up before the miracles happen in you - YOU deserve them!!
Rita
I do agree like others have said - alcoholics/addicts and al-anons sometimes decide to change their habits, friends and surroundings once in recovery to avoid "triggers".
I am an true blue 125 % Al-anoner and I have triggers of my al-anon behaviors. I have things, places and people that I need to avoid to not trigger my al-anonisms. BUT even if there were NO alcoholics/addicts around me - some of those behaviors would come out if I was NOT working a program, no matter where I lived.
It is just the nature of the disease.
I wish you the very best in learning to take care of YOU - You deserve the very best - we all do!!
Don't give up before the miracles happen in you - YOU deserve them!!
Rita
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
So he started abusing prescription drugs, while living in Florida. Then you moved to where ever you are, now and addiction persisted. So now he plans to move back to Florida and all will be well.
The problem is him. Addicts can and do find drugs everywhere.
It sounds like you are grounded and taking care you of and the kids. Lonliness is temporary. The chaos associated with addiction is never ending.
The problem is him. Addicts can and do find drugs everywhere.
It sounds like you are grounded and taking care you of and the kids. Lonliness is temporary. The chaos associated with addiction is never ending.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 39
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! 
They were AWESOME replies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks you ALL for the AFFIRMATION bc he talks circles around me daily, even though I try my best to not engage, he will text or voicemail to say how basically EVERYTHING that happens to him, right down to his back aches are my fault and blah blah blah. It DOES HURT to divorce. But I am doing the right thing I know...I took my kids to the beach today and it was peaceful without him, not only that but he wouldn't have left the house with us anyway...
thank you for the QUOTES I love them all and thank you for being HERE FOR ME and I DON't EVEN KNOW YOU!!!!!!!!!! you are amazing survivors and thank you from the bottom of my HEART!!!
They were AWESOME replies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks you ALL for the AFFIRMATION bc he talks circles around me daily, even though I try my best to not engage, he will text or voicemail to say how basically EVERYTHING that happens to him, right down to his back aches are my fault and blah blah blah. It DOES HURT to divorce. But I am doing the right thing I know...I took my kids to the beach today and it was peaceful without him, not only that but he wouldn't have left the house with us anyway...
thank you for the QUOTES I love them all and thank you for being HERE FOR ME and I DON't EVEN KNOW YOU!!!!!!!!!! you are amazing survivors and thank you from the bottom of my HEART!!!
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