Let Go or Get Dragged
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Janet - you sound so STRONG and CONFIDENT in your posts. Not only that, but you sound so CLEAR and CONCISE. What a positive change in you! What a great analogy of cutting down the worry tree and digging up the roots! Now you can plant a beautiful flower tree to bring beauty to your life!
Hey, tried to pm you, your box is full. Full of support and encouragement no doubt!
Hey, tried to pm you, your box is full. Full of support and encouragement no doubt!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by MrsMagoo
I'm looking forward to finding the old Janet again. I'm a little afraid that I'm permanently scarred, worn-out or that I'm too damaged. I pray that I've learned from this nightmare.
I often say that I would not wish my life on my worst enemy, but I would not trade a single day with anyone because where I have been has brought me to the wonderful place where I am today.
Recovery has many gifts, and for me one of the greatest is the friends I have met along the way, who walk with me on this journey of recovery. I'm grateful to have you walking beside me, Janet, just as you are today.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Tears of happiness!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!I have to give God, SR and CR all the credit. The good thing that's come out of all this is my friends! It almost feels like it was meant to be which makes all the craziness a little more paletable.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
It was more of a purge and relief (a little sad too I suppose) but sadness for another one of my daughter's who won't know their father because they chose themselves and their addiction over their family.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Burbank,CA
Posts: 10
I love this line: it's not on my dime, not in my house, with my vehicle or on my time. Feeling this release is a wonderful thing! I pray that you continue to feel this way everyday, from here on out!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
The drama continues. I'm handling it.
Last night, for the first time, or shall I say at 2:00 a.m., AH sent me an audio text and picture that said "I thought everything was going good that night. That we were finally happy. I stupid was I? Why didn't you just tell me the truth".
I don't know what he's talking about but he sounded either compleley torn up or like he was crying.
This morning, the friend we had been staying with noticed that ALL her husband's guns and ammo are gone. The only other person besides me that knew there were multiple guns and ammo in her house was my husband. I told her to make a police report and give them my husband's information. I spoke to the police. He's probably traded the guns for dope. The cop said they are hard to pawn but I told him my AH's favorite pawn shops.
So, either AH has guns or he traded them. If he still has them, he could use one on himself or us (my family). And everything was going pretty well. I've got a call into my attorney to let him know and get his butt moving.
I hate to admit this but I really do hope my AH took those guns. If nothing else, so he can be prosecuted. Not that I want bad things to happen to him, but it would be a decent reality check and it would keep from feeling any kind of pity or mercy for him. I need to be really angry with him at this point and I should be. He's stolen from me, my children and now my best friend? God only knows how many other people, including his work over Christmas when a diamond went missing. I won't allow him to try and wiggle his way back into my life.
I wonder how PO'd his new roommates will be when a sheriff shows up looking for him after living there for less than three weeks?
Last night, for the first time, or shall I say at 2:00 a.m., AH sent me an audio text and picture that said "I thought everything was going good that night. That we were finally happy. I stupid was I? Why didn't you just tell me the truth".
I don't know what he's talking about but he sounded either compleley torn up or like he was crying.
This morning, the friend we had been staying with noticed that ALL her husband's guns and ammo are gone. The only other person besides me that knew there were multiple guns and ammo in her house was my husband. I told her to make a police report and give them my husband's information. I spoke to the police. He's probably traded the guns for dope. The cop said they are hard to pawn but I told him my AH's favorite pawn shops.
So, either AH has guns or he traded them. If he still has them, he could use one on himself or us (my family). And everything was going pretty well. I've got a call into my attorney to let him know and get his butt moving.
I hate to admit this but I really do hope my AH took those guns. If nothing else, so he can be prosecuted. Not that I want bad things to happen to him, but it would be a decent reality check and it would keep from feeling any kind of pity or mercy for him. I need to be really angry with him at this point and I should be. He's stolen from me, my children and now my best friend? God only knows how many other people, including his work over Christmas when a diamond went missing. I won't allow him to try and wiggle his way back into my life.
I wonder how PO'd his new roommates will be when a sheriff shows up looking for him after living there for less than three weeks?
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Keep taking good care of YOU!!
The more I keep finding out about my ex - the more I realize I knew nothing absolutely NOTHING about the man I was married to for over 16 yrs.
I have reached the point to where I just don't wanna know - that's me on my journey - I just want to be done and it to be over.
I pray for your safety and for your peace!!!
HUGS,
Rita
The more I keep finding out about my ex - the more I realize I knew nothing absolutely NOTHING about the man I was married to for over 16 yrs.
I have reached the point to where I just don't wanna know - that's me on my journey - I just want to be done and it to be over.
I pray for your safety and for your peace!!!
HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Janet - whatever you do, stay safe and don't trust that he's in his right mind. You've never seen him in full blown addiction so you're not sure what he's capable of when he's out of it. Change the locks on your doors if you can. Remember the Walmart incident with my H? NEVER EVER had I seen him that bad, ever. I didn't even see him that night. Just be safe and don't trust anything out of him - especially if guns are involved.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Mrs Magoo, You're doing so well. Take precautions but turn your head and walk away. Don't get sucked back into the emotions. Don't get sucked back into the drama. Let go of the outcomes. Let go of wanting him to get arrested. Let go...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
This troubles me. Would the AH have a way to get the guns? And just to let you know, pawn shops usually only buy guns from the registered owners. There are strict laws governing the sale of guns in every state. But it is fairly easy to sell them on the street, especially if you normally buy drugs on the street. You'd meet the right people. Dealers commonly will take a gun for drugs. Or sometimes addicts steal them to do robberies with. This disease can take us to some crazy places. Be careful what you wish for. ANd take care of you!
Love,
KJ
Love,
KJ
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Janet))) - whatever you do, sweetie, make sure you and the kids are safe.
Guns are popular for selling to the dope boys for dope. My niece's biological dad recently broke INTO a police station where he'd been working as a trustee while locked up, stole guns, drugs and money from the evidence room, and sold a gun worth about $600 to a dope boy for $100 worth of dope. Not only was he all over the news as one of the dumbest criminals, but the dope boy is also in jail for theft of receiving.
We addicts do some pretty stupid stuff when we're on the search for dope, and anyone who stands in our way is seen as a major inconvenience. Depending on the drug, the circumstances and the person, it can be dangerous.
I am so glad you are moving on with your life and letting him move on with his. I also agree with Anvil..I hope you are soon able to go completely no contact, as he is not saying anything you need to hear. I do realize, though, how much progress you've already made and am VERY proud of you!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Guns are popular for selling to the dope boys for dope. My niece's biological dad recently broke INTO a police station where he'd been working as a trustee while locked up, stole guns, drugs and money from the evidence room, and sold a gun worth about $600 to a dope boy for $100 worth of dope. Not only was he all over the news as one of the dumbest criminals, but the dope boy is also in jail for theft of receiving.
We addicts do some pretty stupid stuff when we're on the search for dope, and anyone who stands in our way is seen as a major inconvenience. Depending on the drug, the circumstances and the person, it can be dangerous.
I am so glad you are moving on with your life and letting him move on with his. I also agree with Anvil..I hope you are soon able to go completely no contact, as he is not saying anything you need to hear. I do realize, though, how much progress you've already made and am VERY proud of you!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
This has been an interesting week to say the least.
Monday, AH showed up at the house to take some more of his stuff to sell (which is really my stuff). He told me he would be there in 3 minutes (the kids were home alone). The sheriff was sitting in the driveway when he pulled up. He was livid. He needed money. They told him to go away, he had moved out over 3 weeks ago.
Earlier that day, AH demanded money to pay the cell phone bill. He didn't want me to pay it directly but rather to transfer it to his account. I said "no" and he had my phone turned off.
Later that night, he told his sister that he would kill me before he paid a dime of child support.
Wednesday I got a call from a 911 operator saying a deputy was at my house ringing the doorbell and kept asking if I was okay. I finally talked to the deputy who told me that a DOCTOR had called 911 and said my husband had made homicidal threats toward me that he thought AH was capable of carrying out and he wanted a squad car to check on me.
I have a restraining order and went "underground" for a little while. I have my own cell phone and three court dates coming up. Things are progressing nicely. The social worker who came to my house after HE reported that I was on drugs and abusive told me she would begin immediate drug tests on him, install a security system in my house and would be in court with me for every court date supporting me and keeping him away. Oh, how the tables get turned on those too high to know what they are doing.
Things are good today. I'm back at work and carrying on. Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight. He's banned from the church too so all will be well. The locks are changed too.
Just wanted to let you know why I've been MIA and that things are progressing as God would have them progress. Just reinforces everything ya'll have told me!!
He's on crack so I don't know what he's capable of. I did mention to the police that he is a prime suspect in a gun larceny. He may have kept one for himself but I think getting high will be more important to him right now than killing me so hopefully he's traded it for dope by now.
Monday, AH showed up at the house to take some more of his stuff to sell (which is really my stuff). He told me he would be there in 3 minutes (the kids were home alone). The sheriff was sitting in the driveway when he pulled up. He was livid. He needed money. They told him to go away, he had moved out over 3 weeks ago.
Earlier that day, AH demanded money to pay the cell phone bill. He didn't want me to pay it directly but rather to transfer it to his account. I said "no" and he had my phone turned off.
Later that night, he told his sister that he would kill me before he paid a dime of child support.
Wednesday I got a call from a 911 operator saying a deputy was at my house ringing the doorbell and kept asking if I was okay. I finally talked to the deputy who told me that a DOCTOR had called 911 and said my husband had made homicidal threats toward me that he thought AH was capable of carrying out and he wanted a squad car to check on me.
I have a restraining order and went "underground" for a little while. I have my own cell phone and three court dates coming up. Things are progressing nicely. The social worker who came to my house after HE reported that I was on drugs and abusive told me she would begin immediate drug tests on him, install a security system in my house and would be in court with me for every court date supporting me and keeping him away. Oh, how the tables get turned on those too high to know what they are doing.
Things are good today. I'm back at work and carrying on. Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight. He's banned from the church too so all will be well. The locks are changed too.
Just wanted to let you know why I've been MIA and that things are progressing as God would have them progress. Just reinforces everything ya'll have told me!!
He's on crack so I don't know what he's capable of. I did mention to the police that he is a prime suspect in a gun larceny. He may have kept one for himself but I think getting high will be more important to him right now than killing me so hopefully he's traded it for dope by now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
It all sounds as if you are doing all the right things, Janet. Keep on with it. Wow, he's really gone off the deep end. Look at where it can take us. Scary.
You are an inspiration to those women who allow what I call "crazy threats" to control them. Stuff like "If you don't let me have some money, I'll...turn off your phone, call CPS, come over to sell our stuff. You've stood firm, and he's been denied at every turn. Good for you. It may or may not help him reach a bottom, but more to the point, it helps you maintain your boundaries and your sanity. So proud of you! You have come such a long way from the people-pleasing, sweet little ostrich I met months ago!
Love,
KJ
You are an inspiration to those women who allow what I call "crazy threats" to control them. Stuff like "If you don't let me have some money, I'll...turn off your phone, call CPS, come over to sell our stuff. You've stood firm, and he's been denied at every turn. Good for you. It may or may not help him reach a bottom, but more to the point, it helps you maintain your boundaries and your sanity. So proud of you! You have come such a long way from the people-pleasing, sweet little ostrich I met months ago!
Love,
KJ
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by kj3880 
You are an inspiration to those women who allow what I call "crazy threats" to control them. Stuff like "If you don't let me have some money, I'll...turn off your phone, call CPS, come over to sell our stuff. You've stood firm, and he's been denied at every turn. Good for you. It may or may not help him reach a bottom, but more to the point, it helps you maintain your boundaries and your sanity. So proud of you! You have come such a long way from the people-pleasing, sweet little ostrich I met months ago!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Ha, ha - thanks! Took me long enough huh?
Nytepassion told me the other day that "no" to an addict is like kyrptonite to superman. I think that's a good analogy don't you?
The wild card in all this is that I've never seen him completely cranked up or binging on crack. I've seen him drunk and I've seen him on heroin, neither of which are pretty. He was complaining to his sister about not having eaten in a few days and needing money. I reminded her that he gets $320 a week in unemployment and his rent is only $125/week so he should have plenty of grocery money except, uh oh, he'd rather be high than eat!!
I'm disgusted with myself that it has taken almost two years to finally see the man I married for the con-artist, addict, manipulator and bully that he was the whole time. So much time wasted - so many people hurt along the way. So many people that almost gave up on ME.
I'm so glad - so glad, that I found SR (which was quite by accident but still out of desperation), that I've made the friends I have and that I have had such an invaluable education. I only regret the wasted time. I am where I'm supposed to be right now for a reason.
Nytepassion told me the other day that "no" to an addict is like kyrptonite to superman. I think that's a good analogy don't you?
The wild card in all this is that I've never seen him completely cranked up or binging on crack. I've seen him drunk and I've seen him on heroin, neither of which are pretty. He was complaining to his sister about not having eaten in a few days and needing money. I reminded her that he gets $320 a week in unemployment and his rent is only $125/week so he should have plenty of grocery money except, uh oh, he'd rather be high than eat!!
I'm disgusted with myself that it has taken almost two years to finally see the man I married for the con-artist, addict, manipulator and bully that he was the whole time. So much time wasted - so many people hurt along the way. So many people that almost gave up on ME.
I'm so glad - so glad, that I found SR (which was quite by accident but still out of desperation), that I've made the friends I have and that I have had such an invaluable education. I only regret the wasted time. I am where I'm supposed to be right now for a reason.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Mrs.M,
i am following your story and learning and learning. I am not sure of the history of your A and if you don't mind, may I ask, was he ever active in 12 step recovery for a significant amount of time? Did he have a sponsor and did he sponsor others? I seem to recall he was an addictions counselor?
I ask because I know that crack will take him out of his mind.....but was there a time when he was a man you could respect and admire? Or was he always so disturbed and disturbing?
I have never known intimately anyone in recovery except my exabf who disappeared in probably a relapse on heroin. And I'm not even sure what my heart is trying to learn here.....just.....did your AH have clean and sober time that was meaningful? And is all this damage simply the result of relapse?
Trying to trust people in recovery is hard now for me because of the experience with exabf and I struggle with really knowing if recovery is true. Please, no harsh words for me from RA's on this site. This is a personal struggle for me which requires my authentic sharing.
So, Mrs. M, did your AH ever really live a life of recovery? If so, did you ever see signs this was coming, this present horror?
Thank you for sharing whatever you feel is appropriate, whenever you have the time. I know everything is exceptionally stressful right now.
Bluejay
i am following your story and learning and learning. I am not sure of the history of your A and if you don't mind, may I ask, was he ever active in 12 step recovery for a significant amount of time? Did he have a sponsor and did he sponsor others? I seem to recall he was an addictions counselor?
I ask because I know that crack will take him out of his mind.....but was there a time when he was a man you could respect and admire? Or was he always so disturbed and disturbing?
I have never known intimately anyone in recovery except my exabf who disappeared in probably a relapse on heroin. And I'm not even sure what my heart is trying to learn here.....just.....did your AH have clean and sober time that was meaningful? And is all this damage simply the result of relapse?
Trying to trust people in recovery is hard now for me because of the experience with exabf and I struggle with really knowing if recovery is true. Please, no harsh words for me from RA's on this site. This is a personal struggle for me which requires my authentic sharing.
So, Mrs. M, did your AH ever really live a life of recovery? If so, did you ever see signs this was coming, this present horror?
Thank you for sharing whatever you feel is appropriate, whenever you have the time. I know everything is exceptionally stressful right now.
Bluejay
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