UNHAPPY777

Why do addicts tell all of our business and keep all of their things personal? My husband must take his DOC and it must have some type of confession, I feel sorry for myself serum. This man has been telling other addicts my business and adding in lies (which is common). Addicts need to focus on their own demons instead of trying to create some for others!!!!

Chino

The more I focused on myself and my own recovery, the less I focused on my daughter and her addiction/recovery. The things she said used to hurt (both lies and truth), but I've learned not to take anything personally any more from anyone.

Sending you some hugs

Freedom1990

I'm sad you are still in that situation. You obviously are still getting something out of it. I'll continue to keep you in my prayers. :ghug2

UNHAPPY777

Actually..... I am so over it. I was just asking a question. Because some old information was told to me and I just wanted to know how the brain functions in a way where nothing is private. This other addict knew about some finacial moves that we were making in order to get him off of my home loan. That the only reason why I'm asking. AND NO BY THE WAY I AM NOT GETTING ANYTHING OUT OF IT. Now that I am in reality mode. I remember why I stopped posting for a while. I feel like even when I post a hypothetical question, I get blasted on... Oh well thats life. I can take it I lived with an addict for the last year and half!

Freedom1990

I'm sorry you feel I blasted you because that wasn't my intention at all. You are often in my thoughts and prayers.

PeaceTrain

Addicts often need to blame others, because they will not nor cannot accept responsibility for their bad choices. They often demonize family members or friends so to take the focus from them and on to those who are often trying to help them make wiser choices. It is a cycle of behavior which is common in addiction. As we become aware of the addiction, most people do not put a great deal of faith in the stories and as all of us do with news, gossip and the like -- we just consider the source before we judge.
Be the best you can be and don't even attend to his lies -- the Truth will always win eventually -- Stay Strong -- Best Wishes

Nikki2003

THis used to bother me as well. But I was shocked with the way I felt when I got my AH's girlfriends email. She let me know some of the lies he was spreading and telling to her and others. Even so far as to find a way to blame me for him abusing our children. I read it and just shook my head. I really don't care what he tells HIS family and HIS friends. They are no longer a part of my life and if they choose to believe his cons that is their choice not mine. I have a life of my own to live and I am happy now doing it.

Chino

The addicted brain is pretty much on auto pilot towards one destination. It has no time for anything unless it helps it arrive at that destination. It's in survival mode and we're in it's way. Things didn't change for me until I got in survival mode.

Anyway, if you want to learn more about what's literally going on in the addicted brain, Google "neuroscience addicted brain".

UNHAPPY777

Thank you for all of your responses. I guess I was a little sensitive earlier. Sometimes you realize that you really dont want to do what you know you have to do......But, reall you know it's for the best. I appreciate your prayers. Everyone around me always knows me for the strong one, but even the strong ones break down...Sorry

teke

i can relate to what you are going through, my ah would do and say what ever it took to divert the attention off him and his addictive behavior, that way he wouldn't have to look at himself and his own actions. try not to take it too personal. like someone said earlier, the truth will soon come to light.

ItsmeAlice

This thread caught my eye again today because my STBXABF made sure to tell me earlier that he has concern that I am going to start "slagging" him when we separate in the upcoming week.

He says he's sure I'll find someone new and better (so much self pity) and he understands that I will probably "talk bad" about him to the new guy, but he doesn't want me trashing him in the community since we'll be living in the same area (about an hour or two apart not exactly the same community).

I reminded him that I have never "slagged" him (his word, not mine, I'm still not entirely sure what he meant) around town, why would I start now. He acknowledged that, but he'll know it was me or one of my friends if something gets back to him or if he has issues with working around town because of things people have heard about him.

I got the distinct sense he was setting up a fall back excuse for making a muck of things out on his own. If he gets a reputation of being a drunkard, it's my fault for spreading lies. If he can't keep his drinking in check, without me to cover for him, he could have trouble keeping a job or changing jobs etc. He's got to have someone to blame if it all goes pearshaped. (I'm also responsible for the insidious rumors over Lindsey Lohan didn't you know, lol).

Addicts are more than happy to talk about their homelife and personal business when it centers around their spouse's issues or shortcomings. But let their own shortcomings or issues take the stage and they go into lockdown. Even when an aquaintence once gave me their unsolicitied opinion of my STBXABF's boss, STB- flipped his lid when I mentioned it. This was after he'd been laid off. What are they going to do fire him? Over something someone else thought and told someone else completed unsolicited and unrelated to his job blah blah blah. Huh??? He just can't bare having anything reflect poorly on him no matter how remote.

It's all a part of the denial process and the shame in this disease.