sunnigirl

Yes. Your truth is eloquent, and I feel humbled that you would answer my so personal question with such honesty. I am on the beginning of this journey. I too married knowing he was an addict, but he had been clean 5 years when we met, so in my innocence, I thought it was over for the risk. My uncle who was an alcoholic, quit for thirty years and never took up so I thought it possible. I was wrong. Now I have asked you why you stayed because I ask myself if I can let go - don't know yet is my answer. But I am so tired, so tired. I don't have the energy to do anything yet, so sad, so utterly beaten down in sadness I don't know what to do but breathe, water my garden, make sure there is food in the house, feel the sun on my face. I am a teacher so fortunate that I can move at snails' pace right now.

Thanks again for your sharing.

liesagain

Have you read codependent no more by melody beattie?

Thats a good starting place to find out things about yourself.

You know, you dont have to do anything right now, except protect your finances, and your safety if thats is an issue.

detaching with love, is a concept that is often spoken about here on SR........have you read the sticky posts? If not you may want to read those they have alot of great information

Is there an Alanon, naranon or families anon meeting in your area? Any of those meeting would be good if you can get to some.

And stick around here, keep reading keep learning.

Also for me in the beginning it was helpful for me to learn all that I could about adddiction ...........the NIH website, has alot of great info

stick around, theres alot of great support and wisdom from the people here.............keep posting keep asking questions

(((((HUGS)))))) and hope you stick around.

sunnigirl

mistakes made, promises broken, patience lost and I am no further ahead.

I had four days of the silent treatment when I refused his request to buy a boat (yes really), and was trying to get through the days when I had enough. I quietly confronted him, yes it is possible to be quiet and confrontational!, because his son was here for a few days, but I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer. I picked a time when he was alone and the kids out of earshop.

I told him I was aware he was using again, and that he promised a year ago (almost to the day) that he would stop, but that I couldn't let it go on any more even if it brought on more fighting. (as if I have any control over it! ha, I know I don't) His response, my focus is too narrow, that it is my doing that he uses because he is so stressed yadda yadda yadda. He would not admit to using heroin again even though I told him I knew he was, just kept shouting at me that my coldness and narrow focus was the problem. I said if he didn't love me, then why not leave? If he didn't feel ready to be present in the marriage without drugs, then he should leave, his response, my focus was too narrow and so on.

since then, I just can't tolerate the silent treatment, so I am on the surface, happier if only because I don't know what else to do, unless I catch him red handed, he won't admit that he is using again. Without him admitting it, we just don't discuss it and I am at a loss. not quite what I had in mind as far as progress is concerned.
I am going away for a few days - planned in advance to help my son move. He is leaving the day after to go for a week with his son camping. I was not invited, nor could I go anyway, but it just delays things and I think either subconsciously or not, he likes the delay.

so, now what.

tjp613

Spend the time packing, making a plan and contacting a lawyer.

sunnigirl

not so easy - it's my house. I owned it on my own for five years before we met and we have been together five years since we met. I have only had a financial contirbution towards the mortgage for a bit more than a year - complicated by his heart attack five months after we got married and little work he could do for the two years after that, so I won't be the one going if anyone. thanks though, I know the advice was meant to come from a helpful place.

Abundance

So now what? Enjoy your week of peace!!!! Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break.

What do you have planned?

splendra

((((sunnigirl))))

I am so sorry for your pain and that unfortunately here at this site your story is kinda run of the mill. All of know how you feel. Take good care of yourself do what is right for you.

sunnigirl

I am getting obsessive, doubting myself, and not feeling very confident. If any former heroin users can answer a question for me, much appreciated.

On occasion, out of the blue, AH has a cold sore (looks like one anyway) but I wonder if this comes on when he has smoked on foil an amount of his doc and has gotten too close. Any one else relate to this?
Thanks

sunnigirl

filled with sorrow actually, and feeling very anxious. sorry to sound so melodramatic.

sunnigirl

I am moving my son into a new living arrangement for college, then returning home (2 1/2 hour drive) to clean up my house. it's therapeutic for me, so it's okay. my husband come home tomorrow (or so is the plan) around midnight after a week of holidays with his son. then Saturday is my birthday. I'll barbeque something for dinner and my mom and brother are coming over to spend the an overnight with me and my other son and daughter. My mom and brother do not know about my husband's addiction. They just sense not all is right in the world. I am planning to find out where and when to attend my very first meeting for families going through this kind of trouble - can't remember the name of the support group right now with my foggy brain.
thanks for asking anvil

sunnigirl

This just gets more and more bizzare - got a call from AH, and he is on his way home late tonight, will get into town around midnight (in time for my birthday tomorrow) but get this, he is bringing a friend, the very friend who has supplied him with heroin in the past!!!!! I can't believe it, I was so stunned when he told me, the friend was already in the car on his way here, and doesn't have the means to return to where he lives as he is quite poor - so me, stunned, says "oh, where will he sleep?" useless, useless, response

teke

hi, sunni, happy birthday. try not to allow your ah and friend to interfere with you treating yourself to a good bday, if you can. keeping you and yours in my prayers.

sunnigirl

survived it, no present or card from my AH, and he by and large ignored me. oh well, the barbeque dinner was good, my mom brought a cake.