swert

I'm trying to change my approach to my husband. Finally I realized he's an alcoholic and I want to help him. He looks like he needs help. I read all this stuff on internet about the problem and I'm trying to put it in our life. Just one thing is overwhelming. Every time he comes home and I'm trying to stay away and avoid all the crazy things, he comes after me. Stands right in my face. He always wants sex. If I refuse then things get really nasty. So what am I supposed to do? Just do what he wants me to do and think about something else? It's so humiliating.

tjp613

Do some reading up about 'boundaries' and let him know (when he's sober) that you will not have sex with him when he is drunk. Then stick to it. He has to know this is one of many consequences if he chooses to drink.

Freedom1990

Posts like this always hurt my heart. There was definitely a time when I had little to no self-esteem, and I didn't know how to stand up for myself.

I don't live that way anymore. My body is mine, and no one is going to bully me into having sex, most especially a drunk.

If you haven't already read it, I highly recommend the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. He has no right to treat you this way.

Also read the stickies at the top of this forum to educate yourself further on alcoholism. Also check into some Alanon meetings in your area. There you will find the love and support of others who have/had alcoholics in their lives.

I hope you continue to post, and I will surely keep you in my prayers.

:ghug2 :ghug2

Ann

Swert, that is abuse and if forced it is rape and he can be charged.

Your choices are your own, but maybe call a women's shelter near you and find out what your rights are, and also how you can contact them if you need to in an emergency. Knowing and having a plan, even if you never use it, may help you stand firm on your boundaries and not feel so "trapped".

Welcome to SR and the family section. Take a read around, make yourself comfortable and know you are among friends here.

Hugs

imallright

All sound guidance. Welcome. I know what is it like to go along to get along. Boundaries and sticking to them are key. You know what is best for you and now you just need to get strong enough to let that be known. Good for you that you are coming here.... there are many of us who will be here to support and "listen". Keep talking and keep moving forward.