i found an empty "baggie" on the bathroom floor
 

we've been having "problems" so to speak.
i don't have time to get into all the nitty gritty details, but - i pay for my boyfriend's suboxone prescription because i care about him, and the money isn't really an issue for me - i have a good job and he doesn't. before he got the rx it was always, "i just need suboxone and then everything will be ok."

but it hasn't been. not even close.
he has used again AT LEAST twice ("i forgot to take the sub".... right....), he got arrested for felony possession with some random chick, I BAILED HIM OUT, and things have been getting progressively worse. last night we got in a fight because i've been finding it VERY hard to be nice to him lately. but i had an epiphany and i vowed to at least start TRYING to make things better again.

he didn't come home till 242am and went straight to the bathroom. i heard him sniffling and the water was running and he couldn't get to sleep and he avoided "talking" all night. we finally went to breakfast around 5am and i was like "so uhhh what were you snorting in there bud?" "nothing - did it sound like i was snorting something?" "uh yeah" "oh well i wasn't" whatever. so we had a talk and by the time he left for the morning meeting (around 6:30) i was feeling like maybe there was some hope here.

so i went to go pick up his suboxone and when i got home i was picking stuff up off the bathroom floor - i found an empty baggie (you know, one of the ones that's melted at the top and ripped at the bottom) and noticed that a picture was sitting on a shelf when it was on the wall last i'd seen it. what it looks like to me is that he was snorting speed off of a picture in the bathroom and i heard him, confronted him, and he bold faced LIED to me.

i KNOW it was speed because i know what speed tastes like and i'll be honest - i licked the picture frame so i could know for sure.

it didn't used to be this bad, or this deliberate.
man there are a lot more details i should include but i guess the point is this:

im considering putting the baggie in the bottle with the suboxone when i drop it off at work for him.

is this a really, really, really bad idea?

:wtf2

Hey Tangerine....

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I remember the nights I would stay up on pure adrenalin with my guy while he was UP and awake... and I was trying to all the pieces of the puzzle together. Man - that got pretty old. I didn't blame him for it, but I sure did catch myself and think - I SHOULD BE SLEEPING and looking after myself - not wondering or trying to figure out what is going on with him.

As for the little baggie..... we get all these creative ideas to show our A that we caught them..... like an "AH - HA!!!" I.E. ... after my guy relapsed and swore he was done with drugs *a year ago - I let him back in. Well - he just moved to drugs other than opiates- probably because he was on the sub. SO - I found a rolled up dollar bill of white powder (this was during the couple of months of him taking xanax) -and I wrote... "GOT SNORT?" He kept that in his wallet for months- refusing to use it for money.
Well - my biggest mistake was when I did that... with NO consequence ... it just told him that I knew what was going on and that was it.

SO...... as for the little baggie - what is the consequence? What are your boundaries? It's best to choose something that you WILL follow through on, because if you don't - it just gets worse for you!

Paying for his sub and picking it up for delivery? Like PP said, if he's not using it, he can get some cash for it for sure, for some good stuff! Being ok with showing up all hours of the night? Maybe even providing room and board as he uses his life away? Any addicts dream come true!!

Only you can decide how long you live this way and support his addiction.

Given he has a script for Subs, he's an opiate addict. Many addicts resort to Subs to stave off withdrawal symptoms when they can get their DOC. Many addicts sell/trade subs for their DOC.

By the way, heroin is sold in tiny little bags and inhalation is a common method of use.

No reason to get mad. He is doing what addicts do.

The more we do to " support" the addict in our life, the more addiction progresses. There are two consequences of active addiction, prison and/or death. If love and support were all that was necessary to " cure" addiction, none of us would be here.

Hi tangerine ~
Reading that I get a sick feeling in my stomach because it takes me right back to nights like abundance described when I was 'sick' and allowed that kind of insanity in my life. For me, it got to the point that I was doing more for his recovery than he was because, at that time, my AH wasn't ready. Took me a long time, but I learned "hands off the addict" because they are going to do what they are going to do until THEY are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Kind of like how I had to find my own "bottom" and finally got fed up with being lied to and living with the ups and downs - and turned my attention to myself.

As for the baggie - if it were me a year or two ago - I would have done something like that to prove my point....to make him know I know and then he'd finally get it and stop - it just never worked.

If you choose to take it to him like that....be prepared, from what you wrote about him....I doubt it will make him finally decide to turn his life around.

Just say adios. Surely you can find better entertainment for your life.

tangerinedream, we are so much a like because I would have done the same thing in regards to licking the glass and putting the bag in the bottle. Though if it were me, I would go to the pharmacy and ask for an empty bottle and put the bag in there with a note of a local rehab/ NA meetings. Knowing what I know now this is all I would do. I would not pay for his suboxone anymore. As it is becoming more and more popular, medicaid is paying for it, at least in my RABF. Let them worry about it and save your money.

cynical one is a good name for you.
i see him take it every day.
he takes it.

well i didn't do it.
i put the baggie in my pocket and drove to the court to pay my traffic ticket.
he works across the street from the court and he walked in front of my car when i was looking for parking, hopped in, and started acting like all was peachy.

i just took it out of my pocket and handed it to him. i said, "i cleaned the bathroom yesterday. that wasn't there."

"i know. i've been thinking about it all morning."

basically i told him that was it. i was done, and that he should get his things, leave his key, and be gone when i got home from work.

here's hoping.

yea.
i'm not stupid.
IT WAS SPEED.
and he takes the suboxone i see him do it every day.
nobody EVER said i was ok with any of this.
if i was, i wouldn't be here would i?

but what i don't have a problem with is paying for the suboxone or dropping it off for him. he leaves the house early for the morning meeting, and this time he ran out on a sunday and the pharmacy was closed. i don't see that as a bad thing at all. it sounds like some of you are saying i can't even be thoughtful because it's enabling?

Most, if not all of us were, or still are, to some degree, caught in that place between being supportive versus enabling.

Paying for, picking-up and watching him take the subs is on the line.

Bailing him out of jail for a felony is enabling.

If this is not acceptable to you, what are you willing to change?

Without you getting hostile - you CAN take enough drugs to break through the suboxone. My AH has done it many, many times. It's a 'gateway drug' until you can get what you want. (IF you're still wanting to use. My AH used subs for this for a long time - until he had the $ to get what he wanted.) Also, do you see him melt the subs under his tongue?? Are you sure that he's taking the correct dosage? My AH would snip off enough just so it was orange in his mouth. Just to appease me and then do as he pleases.

I hope you can take your guard down here on SR. Many have btdt. We've been played by addicts for such a long time. Addicts are lying, manipulative and cunning. Never did I think my clean cut, polite, well dressed husband could do what he did. Click on my profile and read my story. We had it all and HE threw it away because of addiction. Just like you when I first came here I thought 'noway was this from my world. my H would never do that. The addicts here are sick and twisted (sorry addicts ;) I quickly found out MY addict was as twisted as they come!!)' He convinced me that he was so different from everyone here....until he could not do that anymore. He did all that and worse.

For your own sake, sanity and future read here, read the stickies, click on some profiles and read their original messages. We were ALL as innocent and trusting as you were when we FIRST came here. Hugs to you. I know it's overwhelming and not from your world. In your eyes you're helping him, saving him. In HIS eyes he's using, manipulating and getting you to do what HE wants you to do. Drugs weren't from MY world either, but they quickly encompassed it.

i realized i probably didn't react in the best way while i was on the freeway a bit ago and i apologize. but im freakin out here and im totally gonna lose it.

he's the most amazing person i've ever met when he's sober and taking care of himself. i want that back so badly. but i've been waiting for things to get better and trying to make things better for so long - and he just hasn't.

again im sorry to everyone if i freaked out.
there are some things i don't know but there are some things that i do know for certain. every time he lies, i KNOW he is lying, even when i call him out and he denies it - i still know.

that is why i do know he has been taking the suboxone as prescribed. he's on 8mg/day and takes half in the morning and half at night. as badly as he's been treating me for the past month or two, i know that he wouldn't let me spend THAT much money every month if he was only pretending to take it. it's just one of those things i know.

anyway, thanks for your helpful response and sorry for getting so defensive.

Subs, is an opiate blocker.

Subs, will not block speed.

And further more. Listen to these ladies ES&H. There is a lot of experience here.

One more thing I will like to add. It’s his addiction, he works, he should pay for them. Just my 2cents.happyface:

Ivan

did it sound like that was what i thought?
man i'm losing it. :cries:.

i know what suboxone is. i know what speed is. im not little miss innocent, i know what they do. im just freaking out. it's rare that the wool gets pulled over my eyes so easily. i'm having trouble dealing with this, especially since it's all come to a head within the past 12 hours.

because of those stupid commercials that say it's "the world's first decision engine," i typed into bing.com "how do i fix a broken relationship with a heroin addict boyfriend?" - and it sent me here.

sorry for the miss communication but thanks for the input. it is appreciated.

My recovering ABF was addicted to opiates, and eventually went on sub treatment. The hard thing for me was that there was nothing that I could do to get him to stop drugs. The first time that he got off opiates, I tried and tried to do everything to help him and to make his recovery easier on him. I wasn't able to help him. In the end, it drove us both nuts. ABF was not ready to get off drugs, so he went back on them. All of my hard work did no good. It helped me realize that nothing I did made a difference--it was completely up to ABF to take care of himself and get off the drugs.

I know you feel like you are helping you ABF, but the thing is, he needs to do this recovery work himself. Recovery is a lot of work, and you can't take that work away from him. He needs to do the work himself. The fact that he is sneaking drugs and still using makes me think that he is not ready yet.

One thing to keep in mind is that you need to pay attention to his actions, not his words. He may tell you that he is serious about recovery, but his actions are not those of someone who is working on recovery.

What are you doing for yourself at this time? It sounds like you are worrying a lot about him. Plus, you mention that he is mistreating you. You are trying to help him, but what are you doing to help yourself? The stickies at the top really are helpful to me. I have read, "What Addicts Do," over and over again just to remind me.

What is the reality of him being gone when you get home from work?

Stay strong Tangerine.

first of all, thank you.

i have read that sticky and he does like 3 or 4 of them. but it's pretty spot on. really i'm just digesting all of this information and freaking out about the brand new and very real idea that i'm actually gonna have to make him go away this time. i do know that i can't help him, i just didn't know that i couldn't help him at all, and that i never even had a chance.

i know he's going to try to get me to change my mind, and i also know that i won't do it. not after this morning's events, and especially not after reading & talking with everyone here. i can't keep letting him get away with things after becoming so enlightened.

but enlightenment doesn't feel good, and the truth is i'm really scared.