i found an empty "baggie" on the bathroom floor
tangerine dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: somewhere near los angeles
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by Abundance 
What is the reality of him being gone when you get home from work?
Stay strong Tangerine.
Stay strong Tangerine.
i should leave shouldn't i?
tangerine dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: somewhere near los angeles
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by Abundance
It's rough..... I am feeling for you. I have been there done that (btdt) and it's not pretty. I had a good friend tell me ... "It's never a good time to end a relationship".
It's been a bit over a month now that my abf has been gone. Enough was enough - I had reached my threshold. It helped that he was more willing to go than asking to stay. He was just as sick and tired of it as I was.
So - what are you going to do if he is still there when you go home? What are you thinking? Does he have a lot of things there?
It's been a bit over a month now that my abf has been gone. Enough was enough - I had reached my threshold. It helped that he was more willing to go than asking to stay. He was just as sick and tired of it as I was.
So - what are you going to do if he is still there when you go home? What are you thinking? Does he have a lot of things there?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
I don't know..... this is when you listen to your gut.
I would try to spend this evening as if he wasn't in your life... and think about what you would do.
I strongly recommend an al-anon meeting. When my ex relapsed - I went to one every day! It helped me so much.
Write down what your reasons are for asking him to leave...... keep your feet firmly on the ground. Honor your integrity and self - worth.
Most importantly - remember that you can't control him, cure him, or cause him to use or stop using drugs.
I would try to spend this evening as if he wasn't in your life... and think about what you would do.
I strongly recommend an al-anon meeting. When my ex relapsed - I went to one every day! It helped me so much.
Write down what your reasons are for asking him to leave...... keep your feet firmly on the ground. Honor your integrity and self - worth.
Most importantly - remember that you can't control him, cure him, or cause him to use or stop using drugs.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
[QUOTE=tangerinedream;2303102]did it sound like that was what i thought?
man i'm losing it.
.
i know what suboxone is. i know what speed is. im not little miss innocent either, but have been played, i know what they do. im just freaking out. it's rare that the wool gets pulled over my eyes so easily.."
UH yeaH BTD My H or "ah" got me too. You have an abf, right??? - run as far and as fast as you can. If he's an abf ... run before he's an xh.
That is all I can say ... Just like you, I thought I could save AH, but 2 kids and a 300k mortgage I clearly can't. . . . But I still love and believe in him....
man i'm losing it.
. i know what suboxone is. i know what speed is. im not little miss innocent either, but have been played, i know what they do. im just freaking out. it's rare that the wool gets pulled over my eyes so easily.."
UH yeaH BTD My H or "ah" got me too. You have an abf, right??? - run as far and as fast as you can. If he's an abf ... run before he's an xh.
That is all I can say ... Just like you, I thought I could save AH, but 2 kids and a 300k mortgage I clearly can't. . . . But I still love and believe in him....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
WHAT!!!??? Please don't do this again... here in NY you can't enter a court room without being searched, and that goes for a traffic ticket. I'm not sure where you are, but don't put anything like this in your pocket. Even though it is empty, you could still put yourself in a bad situation.
Originally Posted by tangerinedream
i put the baggie in my pocket and drove to the court to pay my traffic ticket.
tangerine dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: somewhere near los angeles
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by littlebird77
WHAT!!!??? Please don't do this again... here in NY you can't enter a court room without being searched, and that goes for a traffic ticket. I'm not sure where you are, but don't put anything like this in your pocket. Even though it is empty, you could still put yourself in a bad situation.
it was no biggie.
tangerine dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: somewhere near los angeles
Posts: 55
So he just got back and walked in with his friend and they were talking and smiling and I really think he thought I wouldn't hold him to it.
He started making pasta and asking me how my day was. And I told him about how ****** it was and how I couldn't stay at work and how they had a birthday party for 4 of us but it just freaked me out so I came home.
No way bud. No effing way are you waltzing in here and getting away with this. Then he asks, "So did you come to a conclusion today?" This was puzzling.
I ask, "Was I not clear this morning?"
"Yea, so I guess that means you want me out by the 3rd?"
"You can't stay here till then. I told you I'd still take you to your court date but you can't stay here until then, especially if you're going to walk around here like everything is peachy." (I signed the bail bond so if he doesn't go to court I owe 40k)
"Can I at least have till Friday?"
"No. Get out of here! Get away from me!" and then I melted into a thousand pieces and heard him say something about calling me later cause he had to get some stuff. But he's gone and I've closed and locked all the windows and blinds and knocked over a soda and broke a bench and now I'm alone.
Great.
What next?
He started making pasta and asking me how my day was. And I told him about how ****** it was and how I couldn't stay at work and how they had a birthday party for 4 of us but it just freaked me out so I came home.
No way bud. No effing way are you waltzing in here and getting away with this. Then he asks, "So did you come to a conclusion today?" This was puzzling.
I ask, "Was I not clear this morning?"
"Yea, so I guess that means you want me out by the 3rd?"
"You can't stay here till then. I told you I'd still take you to your court date but you can't stay here until then, especially if you're going to walk around here like everything is peachy." (I signed the bail bond so if he doesn't go to court I owe 40k)
"Can I at least have till Friday?"
"No. Get out of here! Get away from me!" and then I melted into a thousand pieces and heard him say something about calling me later cause he had to get some stuff. But he's gone and I've closed and locked all the windows and blinds and knocked over a soda and broke a bench and now I'm alone.
Great.
What next?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Newbury Park, Ca
Posts: 155
See if you cant get a friend or two to stay with you. When he calls again to come get his stuff, arrange it so someone is there with you. PRAY he makes it to his hearing. NEVER bail out a user again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
aaaaaaw Tangerine. Do you have a friend you can call or that can come by? If not, stay close to SR.... and read and write and cry... all of the above.
Proud of you.... he is an addict - and this is what addicts do.
Keep strong...
Proud of you.... he is an addict - and this is what addicts do.
Keep strong...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
tange, I see so much of myself in you in regards to all the anger and frustration I would carry and it sometimes catches up with me. Being on this board and going to meetings have helped me so very much and I really feel it kept me from going to the crazy house. I'm not sure what advice to give because of this court date coming, I can only imagine the anxiety you carry. Be well...
tangerine dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: somewhere near los angeles
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by Abundance
aaaaaaw Tangerine. Do you have a friend you can call or that can come by? If not, stay close to SR.... and read and write and cry... all of the above.
Proud of you.... he is an addict - and this is what addicts do.
Keep strong...
Proud of you.... he is an addict - and this is what addicts do.
Keep strong...
I've just sent a message to his mom telling her what's going on (she lives 2000 miles away) and I always feel so bad to bring her bad news.
But yea. Im here and alive and he's missing and probably alive too. Kinda.
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Tangerinedream, I'm so sorry that you're going through so much pain. I'm not in your situation as it's my son that is the A in my life, but I do know the pain that goes with loving an addict. I'll be thinking of you. Please try to keep yourself busy with things that you enjoy and I hope that you'll get to some Alanon or Naranon Meetings as often as possible. Hang in there. This too shall pass.
((((((((((Caring Hugs)))))))))))
((((((((((Caring Hugs)))))))))))
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, sorry you are here but hate it had to be this way for you. i agree with the others, focus more on you and allow him to do the same.
i'm a rac, married to, but seperated from my ah of 23 yr. when i first came here, i felt like these people could not possibly understand my situation, but i soon realized differently. for at least 21 of those yrs, i did everything in my power to help and stand by my addict and the more "helping" i did, the deeper he dove into his addiction, and i literally began to lose my own sanity.
until the addict is ready to take responsibility for his/her own actions/recovery, it will more than likely get progressively worse for everybody who loves them. sr has been my life line.
in my own aaddiction, it took for my family to totally cut me off from their help before i realized that if i wanted to LIVE, i had to figure out how to save myself.then and only then, i was ready to seek and except the help that was offered. today i'm quite a few yrs sober and very aware of just how easy it would be for me to fall right back into the same hole that i had such a hard time crawling out of.
time to focus on you. i'm keeping you and yours in my prayers.
i'm a rac, married to, but seperated from my ah of 23 yr. when i first came here, i felt like these people could not possibly understand my situation, but i soon realized differently. for at least 21 of those yrs, i did everything in my power to help and stand by my addict and the more "helping" i did, the deeper he dove into his addiction, and i literally began to lose my own sanity.
until the addict is ready to take responsibility for his/her own actions/recovery, it will more than likely get progressively worse for everybody who loves them. sr has been my life line.
in my own aaddiction, it took for my family to totally cut me off from their help before i realized that if i wanted to LIVE, i had to figure out how to save myself.then and only then, i was ready to seek and except the help that was offered. today i'm quite a few yrs sober and very aware of just how easy it would be for me to fall right back into the same hole that i had such a hard time crawling out of.
time to focus on you. i'm keeping you and yours in my prayers.
tangerine dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: somewhere near los angeles
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by teke
in my own aaddiction, it took for my family to totally cut me off from their help before i realized that if i wanted to LIVE, i had to figure out how to save myself.then and only then, i was ready to seek and except the help that was offered. today i'm quite a few yrs sober and very aware of just how easy it would be for me to fall right back into the same hole that i had such a hard time crawling out of.
time to focus on you. i'm keeping you and yours in my prayers.
time to focus on you. i'm keeping you and yours in my prayers.
he doesn't want to LIVE. he hates himself more than anybody i've ever met and always used to say that i was the only good and pure thing in his life. i wish he hated himself for the right reasons, like for completely destroying me, and for continuously sabotaging every chance he's ever had to have a good life and be happy. but he hates himself for reasons that never really existed. and he just keeps punishing himself unnecessarily.
thanks for your input though.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I so can relate to your last post. I so can. It's as if you feel that they'll die without you. I honestly 100% believe that. My H has/had NOWHERE to turn but up and I feel/felt certain that he would choose death because it's 'easier'. I have no words of advice, but 1million% understand how you feel.
tangerine dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: somewhere near los angeles
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by Callie
I so can relate to your last post. I so can. It's as if you feel that they'll die without you. I honestly 100% believe that. My H has/had NOWHERE to turn but up and I feel/felt certain that he would choose death because it's 'easier'. I have no words of advice, but 1million% understand how you feel.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by tangerinedream
he doesn't want to LIVE. he hates himself more than anybody i've ever met and always used to say that i was the only good and pure thing in his life. i wish he hated himself for the right reasons, like for completely destroying me, and for continuously sabotaging every chance he's ever had to have a good life and be happy. but he hates himself for reasons that never really existed. and he just keeps punishing himself unnecessarily.
thanks for your input though.
thanks for your input though.
Get to an Al-anon meeting pronto. Stay after and ask for support from the leader! They will be happy to hold your hand thru this day.
Originally Posted by tangerinedream
nah, right now i feel more like imma die without him. thank god my job understands and has let me use some PTO for the rest of the week. when he comes by to get his stuff tomorrow i don't think i'm gonna let him leave.
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
now i just want him to come get his stuff so i can tell him not to leave.
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