Talked to my exah....
 

Yes we spoke lastnight, he called the evening before to wish our youngest a Happy Birthday, we were not home so he left a message and said he would try again. This is the first time in 6 years he has sent a birthday card to the boys, plus with a gift certicate inside. He made another attempt lastnight to call and wish a happy birthday but our son was not home. I told him that the birthday card had arrived. He asked how I was and if all was going ok. Told me about his job, what the weather is like there in the Summer and Winter months, how different it is from here. We had a really good conversation, there was no blaming, snide remarks and a few laughs. He did talk about how hard he was finding it to get back up on his feet job and money wise, but I didn't feel that he was playing the oh poor me, just what his life has become.

He told me that his mom had a stroke, truly I gasped, I know we no longer have contact and we have had our outs and differences, but that upset me.
I have tossed the idea around and around today of weather or not to give her a call and hope she is feeling better. But, if and when she happens to call as she did just the day before yesterday to ask for my youngest, she has not the time of day nor will she say hi, just straight to the point of asking for one of the boys and if they are not here she just hangs the phone up.

They knew I was on my own with those two boys with no help from their dad, stressed to beyond, they just turned the other way. No offer of any kind to help out when school was starting up.

I just don't know the right thing to do.

Rose

Hmmm....at the end of the day, what would make you feel better? Maybe that's hard to answer now but "play the tape all the way through" and try to see what you would feel most comfortable with. Given the situation, maybe a card/note/flowers from you or you and your boys would be enough to say you are concerned without having to deal with her personally.

I like what Truth said, saying it in a card or a note doesn't leave you as an up close and personal witness to her reaction...which is about her anyway. Or just pray for her and let God sort out the rest.

You're doing fine in your life today, Rose, and it's nice that you were able to have a civilized conversation with your ex. You don't have to get drawn into the chaos of people who are not in recovery, you have the right to say no.

Hugs

I think a card would be a nice thing to do - just to let her know that you care and are thinking of her. something short and sweet.