Learn2Live

Hey Alaia. Hope you're doing better today. I liked that "eight-letter" thing. Where'd you get that?

Yeah, I'm with you. I'm still looking at my caller ID EVERY time the phone rings, and even look at my caller ID for missed calls every time I turn around, for some dumb reason, wishing it would be him. Takes me a few seconds before it hits me that I DON'T want to talk to him. For me, it feels like a really old, ingrained habit (and a really sad heart). Be patient with yourself, it'll take a while to heal. That pain is just another sign that you are still alive!!!!

Um, my take on why she/he/they are still contacting you is to stir up more of the drama and chaos they like and they live in. But see how having these crazy people in your life causes you so much trouble? Like it wasn't bad ENOUGH you had HIM bringing all that sickness into your life, now you have BOTH of them! You can change your number or you can grin and bear it. I have for months tried to avoid my ex but until I was strong enough to shut and lock the door in his face, and stop answering the phone, I kept getting dragged back into it. When you're ready, you'll do it. Sometimes we NEED to feel the pain when we're not completely sure that getting them out of our lives is really what we want to do. We know what we need to do to get them out of our lives but we don't actually do it till we're ready. Me? Once I knew, after all these months of heartache and stress and anxiety, I told him I hated him. Haven't heard from him since.

Alaia

I found it online somewhere...had it saved in my photobucket and put it on my myspace page. She is not my friend on facebook, but her profile is public, I can't block her unless she sent me a friend request....I really wish she would make her page private, cause then even if tempted...I wouldn't be able to see it. So for now it's all will power. I am not gonna change my # I only have a cell (and have changed my # too many times in the past few years) I can have verizon block her #. He doesn't have a phone so I am all set and I never answer #'s that I don't know, that are restricted or unavailable. I haven't heard anything from her since. I don't know why she feels the need to keep telling me she's sorry. Hopefully this is the end of it all. My pages are blocked so she can't access my stuff and I erased ex from myspace, he doesn't have a facebook page.

jerect

YOu can still block someone on facebook without being friends with them.. I blocked all of my ex husbands family on facebook and it looks like we do not exist to one another..

I have verizon too and I think they will block her number for free as long as you can prove that she has called you or texted you at least 5 times in the last couple of days.. at least thats how it used to work.

Good luck, I know it's hard.

Alaia

I was gonna post a new thread...but it won't let me. Anyways...

The sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky. I wake up in an empty bed...had dreams all night with my ex in them. I miss him like crazy. I miss the way we could just lay there and look into each others eyes and smile. I miss his kisses and the way he touched my face and played with my hair. I miss the comfort of lying in his arms. I miss all the text messages I would get all day, everyday. Telling me that he loved me, missed me, how was my day…ex. Now my cell phone is silent. How could it have all been a lie? How could he have seemed like he loved me so much?

I make myself get up. He used to live here, so its hard sometimes to even be in my house. I miss having his son here on the weekends and doing fun stuff together, almost like a family. I decide to take the dogs down to the park by the water and there are couples walking hand in hand. I miss that. There are couples fishing...we used to go fishing. We get home and I take out my bike and decided to go for a ride, to refocus my thoughts and try to enjoy the day and all it has to offer. We used to ride our bikes together so this makes me sad and kinda lonely.

Now he's with the new gf and she is getting all of his love and affection and it hurts me so much to know that he lead me on for the better half of this year, all the time going back to her...and she knew. he didn't care, she didn't care. He most likely has no remorse for what he has done to me. He has treated me horribly and then just decided that now I am no longer part of his life anymore. I am having such a hard time trying to let this all go. I blame myself, I hold myself responsible, I beat myself up. I must be really sick in the head, but I have been like this all my life. All I wanted was love and I really really loved him so much.

I know this is all bad, and I shouldn't be like this and think like this cause I am not going to be able to get better. I am just having a really bad day.

kj3880

Oh honey, it's OK to feel bad for a while. It's normal, even. I used to wonder about one of my exs, "how could all that feeling have been non-reciprocated?" It felt real. And you know what? It probably was real. But they are sick now, and they don't even feel feelings right when they use. So it isn't you. You are loveable. You have been loved. You will be loved again by a man. For now, comfort yourself by spending some time with some people and animals in your life who still love you, whether it is parents, friends, pets, etc.

Today, I pray that Gods' spirit will come to you and comfort you with his love. I pray that you will come to believe that this man has gone from your life in order to make room for better things, probably including a better partner for you. All things in their own time. Is there anything good you could do tonight or tomorrow to reaffirm that there are people and things you still can enjoy in this hard time?

Love,
KJ

tangerinedream

this is horrible and i know exactly how you are feeling. since i have this really bad habit of being able to see things from both sides of the situation, consider who you are hearing this from, and exactly WHAT you are hearing.

who's to say that he isn't just telling her what she wants to hear?
he probably doesn't want you out of their lives, he just wants to keep you two away from each other so he can still come to you if things get rough with her.

don't talk to her anymore!!! it SEEMS like they might not be having the best of times right now and she was probably searching for an alliance, or someone to help her feel better. don't do it. don't get sucked in.

just take care of yourself.
i know. easier said than done. if i could tell you how to do that, i wouldn't be browsing this forum right now either.

Nikki2003

I was where you are. And at times I still am. But those days are getting less and less. You deserve to be happy without all the drama and toxicity in your life. My AH cheated on me too after only being away from me for 6 days. He said he was going to stay at his parents place to get his car fixed. 6 days later he was living with another woman and her 4 kids. When I confronted him and his girlfriend about him telling me he loved me and that we were fixing our marriage he said we were just roomates. HUH? He used me to have a roof over his head and money in his pocket. Someone to cook and clean for him and care and love him. As soon as he found someone else he thought he could con he went to her.

Oh I hated her. And I was so hurt, angry, every emotion. I went to therapy. I moved into a new home while he was in jail so he would not know where I lived. I started to go out and meet people and am in a support group for abused women. Over the months I have stopped hating her. He conned her just like he conned me for 7yrs. Now I just have no respect for her. Even though they are no longer together I will never have any respect for her. But I wish her no ill will.

Hopefully you can get to that point too. It will take time. But work on making your life happy. Do the no contact. It is the best advice. My AH is still trying to do all he can to hurt me or make me jealous. But what he doesn't know is that I am finally happy. I have very little stress in my life now. I get up smiling and go to bed smiling. I so rarely did that when I was with him. You will be able to do that too, in time. The best thing you can do is love you. When you can do that then you will finally be free and nothing he or she does will hurt you.

Learn2Live

Hi Alaia.

DITTO.

DITTO.

DITTO.

DITTO.

Alaia

I know he's not, at least to a point because if that was true then he would have moved back home with me instead of moving in with her. He doesn't love me, otherwise he would have came home.

I guess that should make me feel better that I know I was being used and it had finally been brought to light...but it doesn't. Not yet anyways.

I don't wanna date again...I don't want to have to go through the whole thing, let down my guard, finally trust someone again...and for what...who knows who the person really is and what they will do. This was the 3rd relationship that was horrible. I don't need a man to make me happy but I would like one.

Learn2Live

alaia, I'm with you. I've been through 8 relationships in 24 years. Two were with addicts, recovering and not recovering, a few with alcoholics, a few with no addictions. For all but one I had to get out at around 2 to 2 and a half years.

I give up.

Alaia

This was my first and last relationship with an addict. I have only had 3 serious relationships in my life (I am 31) M was the first and we were friends for about 2 years before we got together. After 3 years he was content with his life the way it was...but I wanted more so I broke it off and moved on. It wasn't a bad break-up. K was my second and I was so happy in the begining, but he turned out to be a pathalogical liar, cheated on me, ect. Broke my heart really bad but I went to therapy and then got on meds since I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I met my ex-abf through a good friend of mine...before he was an addict and got involved with Oxy's. He was with his gf when I met him, they had a child together, so of course I didn't persue him because I am not that kind of girl. Well we became friends and he would come out sometimes with the group of us. Then he and his ex broke up and we all went out but another girl kinda moved in on him and he ended up with her for awhile, then went back to his ex. I didn't see him often but we remained friends.

Fast forward to 2007 and he finds me online on myspace and asks me if I wanted to hang out and see where things might go. I liked this guy from the day I met him. We just clicked, but never acted on it cause he was with his ex @ the time and I knew her and had hung out with her too. I would never get involved with someone who had a gf. Anyways I tell him that my last ex K had really done a number to me, cheated on me ect and that I had trust issues and depression and anxiety. I also asked him about how he was doing. He was just home from Florida, had went to re-hab (that his job payed for) and was going to meetings everyday. He seemed good, I didn't have any experience with addicts so I was niave. I called my friend who introduced us a long time ago and he said go for it. It was all good from there. Things were great. I was so in love with him. Our relationship was effortless, everything came so easy cause we already knew each other so I was never nervous. Then he relapsed and everything changed. I really try to believe he loved me when we were first together and all the things he said were true.

Things went downhill fast...you can look at my older posts to get the rest of that story. To the point where I had a restraining order on him and we didn't speak for almost 2 months. At xmas I was missing him so I sent him and xmas card because I knew the address to the holding he was in. Then his ex and i were on aim and she said he had wanted to thank me for the card but had no way to get ahold of me, and said he really wanted to talk to me. So New Years Day I called him and we eventually got back together and I was so happy because I thought he was doing so well in his program (now I know different as of last week) he was using me the whole time this time around (and most likely last time too) cheated on me with other girls, his ex caught wind and tried to warn me (all in previous posts on here) but he kept telling me he loved me, only wanted to be with me and I believed every word he said because I knew he was always faithful to his gf's before. There were times when we could have kissed when he was with his ex when we were friends but we didn't and he always brought that up, how he would NEVER cheat and I knew it cause we could have, we had oppertunity but we never did (I would never). and I beleieved him.

Boy does this all hurt so bad. It's like my world came crashing down. All I did was try to support him and he took advantage, but I let him. I loved him more than anyone else and I always will. No one is ever gonna be able to take the place of him (the good parts). He was my soul mate and I just hope that the first time we were together before he relapsed....that when he said he loved me...he meant it. It hurts too much to think that I could mean nothing to him.

tangerinedream

yours are the words i've never had the courage to say.

IPT

Alaia - I too am feeling pain like you. It hurts to feel like it may have been a lie. As the days go by though I find that sometimes, when I am strong enough I can use that hurt and anger to help keep or create even more distance to be sure I do not allow her back into my life. I have been sucked in many, many times. Sadly it always resulted in the same outcome in short order...me getting hurt.

My thoughts are with you. We are sharing times that are difficult.

Faerie

Alaia, I feel your pain Babe, I too have been betrayed by the one I loved and trusted. My fiance raped me on Monday night. Like you I found the courage to post a thread about it and look for support and advice, I know how hard it is to put yourself out there like that.

We both deserve better, you sound so lovely and you deserve to be treated like the Goddess you are. [all us women do]

You've received some great advice and it sounds like you're gonna take it, good on you for being strong. I'm sure in a few days after I've officially broken up with my fiance I too will miss him so I understand how you are feeling.

Stay strong, my thoughts are with you,

Much love from Australia,