lost84

WOW!! if you ever want to talk please email me ill give u my address! just went through the same kind of thing except over a yr but i knew him since gr 8 very messed up child back then too.

First of all i SWEAR to you as much as i cant tell myself this advice and believe it either right now he will do to her what he did to you if not worse because they both use.. or he will realize hes a ****** and CALL u again. i HATE addicts and what they do to people i never want to love another again.

we should talk i think we'd have alot in common
xoxox

lost84

this is the same advice ive gotten from MANY of my friends, how do u just change ur number tho? its such a hard battle when deep down u want them to just call or text you

Learn2Live

I was going to do the same thing, change my cell, change my home number, change my locks, etc. But it would have inconvenienced me too much. Yeah, it was hard and painful and scary EVERY time the phone rane or someone knocked on my door (not because I was afraid he would physically hurt me but because I was afraid of the emotional hurt). But, I got through it and now he doesn't call me anymore.

Learn2Live

Like they say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

sunshine1980

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Everyone can tell you that you deserve so much better and he is not worth it (he isn't), but it is human to feel hurt by betrayal of someone you love. Please do allow yourself to grieve and just give yourself time.

Have you considered seeing a counselor to help build your selfesteem/selfworth?

It helped me to get stronger within myself, maybe it can help you too.

Alaia

Oh I have a feeling she will get sick of his ****. He now does not have a job, car or phone and no "other gf" to send him $. She said she would kick him out if he relapsed (fat chance since they did 2 months ago) He is gonna sit on her couch and watch tv, then steal from her...relapse and then she will relapse and then when she's finally sick of it he will try to crawl back to me and get me back...and I am going to slam the door in his face. She can't support both of them. Or maybe....just maybe they will keep each other clean and live happily ever after...and if that happens well I guess it will be good that he's clean but he's her problem now.

Alaia

I am at no contact :-) and doing quite well. I was tempted to check the facebook page, but i didn't. The new gf texted me the next day asking how I was..and then said I could text her if i needed her. I didn't respond.

Alaia

I have changed my # before...it worked for awhile but then we had contact and I gave him the new #. i don't feel as I need to change it this time around. I can block her # if I feel I need to, but since i didn't respond to her the other day she hasn't been in contact and I think he is out of jail now and home with her. Who knows...and I don't really care. I am trying to put this all behind me and get on with my life.

Alaia

I was in therapy for about 3 years for my issues. By the end of it I feel everything had been discussed but nothing else was comming out of it and it seemed more like a waste of time. It was at that time that I choose to try going on some meds. Boy do I wish I did this when I was in high school, because i felt a lot better. The talk therapy helped but the meds made it so I didn't get to the point where my depression would consume me. I've been through a lot in my life, but I seem to have a handle on some of my issues. I gotta work on letting things go. I don't know why I cling to things even when I know i shouldn't.

I might go talk to someone...I haven't decided yet. I am leaning more towards no than yes but that might change. I have insurance so it won't be a problem.

Alaia

Just wanted to thank everyone so much for helping me with this. I am doing much better than even i expected. I still think about ex but try to refocus my thoughts when I do. He is no longer worthy of my time, energy or tears.

Learn2Live

Hi Alaia. Thanks for all your posts. They help me. First, I totally HATE IT when someone is sitting around my place watching TV eating my food!!!!!!

I so went through what you went thru with the meds. I fought it for so many years and I now feel the same way as you; I WISH I had gotten on these things long, long ago. My life would have been so much easier!

Back before I got on my meds I couldn't understand why everyone else seemed to be able to handle life, but I always had to choose the hard road in everything I did. I also could never understand why I couldn't just get organized and stay on top of all the papers that would come into my house/apt. After I got on the first set of meds and got emotionally stable, I got diagnosed with ADD and now I'm better able to be organized, have a routine for daily life, and am somewhat better at throwing papers away!

I know what you mean about therapy. It helped me when I was emotionally VERY sick from having unhealthy people in my life, but after that the usefulness wore out and I had to move on to something else. Focusing on actually DOING something to move forward in my life (I left all my drinking, partying "friends" behind and went to college) helped more than any therapist could. It takes a long time to get a good one and some of those people don't know their boundaries and can convince you to make decisions that really screw up your life. I don't want to discourage anyone from going to see a therapist, especially if you're in a really bad way emotionally, but if they start trying to convince you of what you SHOULD do (like leave your boyfriend, move to Alaska, have babies, whatever) get a new one.

Hope ya'll have a good day! I feel so much better than I did last week.

Alaia

Ok, so yesterday/last night was good and I felt strong and good about myself....today I have gone off the deep end again. This stinks. I am trying to move on but it's really hard. Why do I even look at the stupid phone and hope it will ring and he will be on the other end? I know he's a jerk but I miss him like crazy. I think maybe I miss all the things I thought were good, like the good morning texts telling me he loved me and hoping I would have a good day. The afternoon ones where he askes how I am and the goodnight bay bay and I love u ones. How could someone seem like they care so much do something so heartless. Hopefully I am just having a bad day today and this too shall pass.

Chino

There are different types of therapy and therapists. Psychoanalysis did nothing for me but wear me out to the point where I no longer wanted to talk, and I still had no resolution. I found a cognitive behavioral therapist (who specializes in addiction) and everything changed. The first thing we did was establish goals and worked towards them. It's only been a year and a half and just about every goal has been met.

Alaia, I don't have any experience with what you're specifically dealing with, but I wanted to share something I've learned in therapy. I've always asked 'why' to better understand myself but until I asked 'what' nothing changed. For instance, what can I do to change my circumstances? What can I do to make myself feel better? 'Why' leads to understanding, but who, what, where, when, how leads to change.

Wishing you a better day

Limiya

Alaia,
The up and down moods will keep coming for a while yet. I'm still struggling sometimes after my breakup but it will get easier to manage. Just keep telling yourself it will pass.
The dissapointments become too much after a while, and you know if you go back there it will yoyo all over again. You don't want to keep going through this.
He is her problem now like you said. It still hurts, but she'll go through exactly the same thing as you. Trust me.
He won't become miraculously clean just cause he's with her. Keep your chin up. Be proud of yourself for being so strong now.
No one deserves to be treated as you have been.

We're all here for you.
~Limiya~

Alaia

so the gf texts me again today...seriously?! She says "hey i just wanted to say sorry about the way things turned out i didn't mean for it to happen. I am sorry." I was pissed! I just wanna be left alone and here it is 5 days later and she has to tell me how sorry she is....again. Why? I'm not going to forgive her, I don't care that she's sorry and trying to make her guilt go away. Then I think...maybe it's him using her phone...wtf...now the craziness starts and I text back "and this is supposed to make me feel better?" and she says "no, but I just wanted to say sorry." I wasn't gonna get sucked back in for more so I sent "well u got what u wanted and u didn't care how or who got hurt so have a wonderful life and please just leave me alone." I haven't heard back...thank god.

Why does she want me to know how sorry she is. She's making it worse. I lost it @ work I might add and couldn't stop crying...turned off my phone for awhile just in case she wrote back. Well I hope she is happy. I mean, I have a lot of anger I could throw at her, but its not gonna do any good and that's just not my style. It wont get me anywhere and most likely make things worse. I have a slight feeling it might have been him with her phone though...but it doesnt matter. I thought about asking, but told myself no. I am standing my ground.

It still stinks though.

kj3880

Prolly just them trying to hatch a complicated and convoluted junkie plot to get something they want outta you. Change your number, trust me, if you don't, the nonsense will continue and get worse. JMO

Love,
KJ

cassandra2

Alaia honey please change your number....

winnie12

Alaia -

Life is an uphill battle but when you are dragging so much behind you its almost impossible to get to the top. It doesnt mean you become cold or bitter it means that you let go of the things that are negative and are keeping you from reaching your goals. There is so much good in this world but you have a storm of negativity swirling around you and stealing your joy.

I look forward to the day that you post that you're done with him, her and the whole crazy drama - AND REALLY MEAN IT.

I look forward to when you post that you're not part of their crazyiness and that what they do does not affect your moods or how you feel about yourself AND REALLY MEAN IT.

I look forward to the day that you know that what happens in his life has nothing to do with you - where you can wish him well but have no desire to know what is even going on with him AND REALLY MEAN IT.

I look forward to the day when you get tough and start fighting for yourself and tell them you want nothing more to do with them - AND MEAN IT.

Basically my wish for you is that you reclaim your life and completely dump this dead weight that is holding you back from the happiness you deserve. I pray that you find the strength that is deep down inside of you to do these things.

Alaia

jerect

I know it's hard hon, but change that number, block her from your facebook page so that you are not even tempted to look and mark her email as spam.. Don't do this for them but do it for you..

The sooner you do complete no contact the better off you are emotionally..

I know you miss him but think of all the crap you have been through with him.. there is someone out there that you are ment to be with, someone that you can share a healthy relationship with.. and God will send him to you in due time..

Keep your chin up and your head held high.. you will get through this one day at a time..