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Son in Jail

Old 07-09-2009, 02:28 AM
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Son in Jail

I havent posted here in a while. My 22 year old heroin addicted son missed two court appearences and a warrent was issued for his arrest.
He was on the streets for awhile and I had no idea where he was. That was tough..
He then entered detox, stayed a week- then left with a girl he met there. They were found that night in the public restroom of a bookstore after the store had closed. They had gotten high and both passed out.Thank goodness he is in jail, and they are both alive. I feel that their hp was with them.
He is right where he needs to be, and this is all out of my hands.
This may sound silly, but I was watching a family of quail on my deck this afternoon. The mom and dad jumped of the deck- and the babies were running around, trying to get down..it took awhile, but they figured it out! All on there own, with no help from mom or dad.
I learned a little lesson from that!
Hugs, Stef
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Old 07-09-2009, 02:41 AM
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Originally Posted by stefanie
He is right where he needs to be, and this is all out of my hands.
This may sound silly, but I was watching a family of quail on my deck this afternoon. The mom and dad jumped of the deck- and the babies were running around, trying to get down..it took awhile, but they figured it out! All on there own, with no help from mom or dad.
I learned a little lesson from that!
Stefanie, big hugs from this mama's heart to yours.

Indeed, hindsight has shown many of us that jail can be a lot better than where they were, and may be just what they need to reach out and get clean. We are probably the only mama's in the world who rejoice when our kids go to jail, but it just may save his life.

I too have learned to turn it over and leave the rest between God and the addict. God's gifts come strangely wrapped sometimes.

Keeping you and your son in my prayers, and sending extra hugs to your heart from mine.

Mama sized hugs.
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Old 07-09-2009, 04:36 AM
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((Sefanie)) I'm sorry to hear about your son. As Ann said, we would be soooo relieved if my future stepson were in jail for a while.....sad to say.

Sending hugs, too!
HG
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Old 07-09-2009, 06:17 AM
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When my daughter was active in her addiction, I prayed for jail time for her. God had other plans. But I absolutely understand your relief. Hugs, Marle
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Old 07-09-2009, 06:53 AM
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Stefanie,
You are in my thoughts. I read this on one of the prayer threads:

Most loving God,
We ask your blessing upon all who suffer from addiction.
Strengthen them to reach out for help.
Enable them to take the first step to recovery.
Bless them with the persistence to persevere in the flight to be free.
Give courage and hope to their families, drawing them close together in the power of your love, which alone can transform our living
Amen

-Vienna Cobb Anderson
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Old 07-09-2009, 08:31 PM
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I can totally relate to wanting my 25 yo AS to be back in jail. He was in for 4 months earlier this year (3rd DUI) and when I look back, it was quite peaceful for me. Since he got out (with the threat of going back for 2.75 years if he violates), he's been in the hospital 3 times and in rehab for a couple weeks before abandoning it and up and down in his use. He has been thrown out from our house and is back. I was just telling my husband this morning that I can only really relax if he goes back to jail. He is violating left and right (overdoses) but the police reports don't seem to be ending up on the PO's desk for some reason. We are probably the only group of parents who would welcome some more jail time. Strange the turns life takes sometimes.
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Old 07-09-2009, 10:37 PM
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My addict's in jail too!!! Yeah its embarassing, especially if you've spent 44 years of your life proud of the family you belong too, and suddenly AAAGH!!! Being in jail gives them sober time and they ahve access to NA, what more can we hope for?!!! Of course the fines and court fees are horrible, but hey!! not your problem.
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Old 07-10-2009, 04:26 AM
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I understand that jail is not a safe place. I guess it depends on the jail and whether it is jail vs. prison. I would be in fear if my son did time in Baltimore city jail but he was in a more country jail and most of the inmates were there for drug or alcohol related problems. Plus, he was in the rehab block almost the whole time and those inmates weren't the same type of thugs as the general population criminals. He assured us early on that he was fine and could handle it so I just went with that. It was easier to sleep that way.
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Old 07-10-2009, 10:26 AM
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Compared to being on the street and having free reign to acquire and use God-only-knows-what to get high, being in jail is safer. And more importantly, maybe it'll send a wakeup call, be a rock bottom, to someone who was in denial about it beforehand. Even if they do have something bad happen in jail. "Hmmm....maybe my addiction put me here?"
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Old 07-10-2009, 12:02 PM
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I am fully aware of the things that can happen in jail. I also am aware of what can happen when a drug has such a powerful hold on a wonderful person. I would rather have my loved one in jail than where he was, on the street, desperate, hungry, with an out of control habit and a steady source of heroin. I also know that his own actions put him where he is now.
Hopefully he will take advantage of the na meetings they have there, and whatever other services that are available. I love my son
very much, and was glad to get a message on my phone from the county jail, rather than the city morgue.
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Old 07-10-2009, 01:11 PM
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I am so sorry that you Mom's have to go through this with your children, no matter how old they are. The only way for me to relate to that is that my Dad and brothers are alcoholics and addicts. I cannot imagine it being your child. I also have great sympathy for my own Mom because she is so stuck with them because how do you turn your back on your own child or husband? Somehow she manages to keep her sanity.

I am grateful today that at least I am able to turn my back on a BF, and allow myself to feel actual "hatred" (even if it's only for a few days) to get me over the emotional hump I need to get a BF out of my life. I guess this is exactly why I have never wanted to have children, and I have never committed to marriage, because I watched my mother very closely while I was growing up and KNEW I wanted no part of it. I feel so fortunate and I am so sorry that you are experiencing this.
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Old 07-10-2009, 09:13 PM
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I have one very good child (dare I say almost perfect) and one brittle addict child. God gave me both extreme ends of the spectrum. I always refer to my daughter (the good one) as my sanity. Oddly, my son and I are really connected and I have known since he was a toddler just what his path in life would be from smoking to dropping out of school to becoming both an alcohol and a drug addict. We both believe we go back to before this lifetime in our connection. Doesn't make me not want to thrash the life out of him sometimes!
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Old 07-11-2009, 12:20 PM
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I hope your sons find sobriety soon. My addict brother did, after 15 years, and I know my Mom is so relieved and happy! He found God, and He is working. I am so glad too. You are all in my thoughts.
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Old 07-11-2009, 03:22 PM
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More Mom Hugs to you, Stefanie!

My story is similar to yours, same DOC, same age. My son was on the streets for 5 months, spent a few nights in jail (never called us, he knew we wouldn't come get him), and is now currently in rehab.

I wish the best for your son, but in the meantime I hope you take good care of you!
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