kuljey

HE did meth... drank. Now hes buying a bottle to feel better. That the meth is making him feel bad.

I havent cried yet..this morning i did. He admitted that when we were together before getting married that he used me==that i was enabler.

However...when he fell in love w/me during this time in rehab...Before he told me he fell in love with me in his 2x in jail before rehab. But now, he just did.

Whew.......... but, hes married to me now.. He let me vent and get on him...said that in NA its eating crow, that its what has to happen.

He says it sucks coming down, so he needs a bottle just for today!! How do i deal w/that?!

Yvonne

cassandra2

REALIZE very quickly that this isnt about you, love, marriage, your kids. This is about HIM being an addict and doing what addicts do.

Make a plan. Figure out your boundaries. What you are willing to put up with. Figure out what you need to do to protect yourself, your children and your finances. If he is doing meth you really need to look into protecting anything of value in your home and getting a safe to keep them in.

Read the stickys. Read up on what addicts do and prepare yourself for those things to start happening. Getting clean and sober is up to HIM not YOU.

Freedom1990

When I found out my AD was drinking/using in my home, out the door she went, and I changed the locks. I was not running a bed and breakfast where she could do as she pleased.

I've worked too hard to get to where I am to have chaos and insanity in my home.

laurie6781

(((((Kuljey)))))

I would like you to picture the BIG WHITE DUCK in the AFLAC commercials, every time your
H opens his mouth to speak. And in your mind hear the QUACK QUACK QUACK.

My dear, he is an ADDICT, this is what ADDICTs do! He is just trying to manipulate you ONE MORE TIME.

Cassandra is correct:

This is the time to PROTECT you and your children.

Love and hugs,

outtolunch

This is the same man who was making demands on you before he came home?

Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

Cassandra is right. His addiction is not about you or your children. He's an addict doing what addicts do. It has absolutely no reflection on your self worth. Only you determine that.

Is living with the chaos of an active addict acceptable to you and your children?

You did not cause this. You cannot control this. You cannot cure this.

Rehab does not cure addiction. Rehab teaches the tools for recovery. The rest is up to him.
Get out of his way and let him fall.

ItsmeAlice

:codiepolice

I agree that it is time to focus on what you want to have in your life. It is a shame that he's has relapsed, but it is not exactly unheard of. You don't have to excuse the behavior to step away from it. Ranting and raving at him is only going to wear you out and in the end really won't do anything to make you feel better about the situation.

Set some boundaries, set some goals for yourself and get to work on rebuilding your life. He's not ready to rebuild his and that's his choice whether you like it or not.

Let's see that list of WANTS and DON'T WANTS from you.

Time to get to work.

Alice

Ann

Yvonne, aside from one brief line, I am not hearing about YOU here. How about YOU? How are you doing with all this? Have you tried any meetings or done anything just for you? I'm not being a smartie, I'd really like to hear about you and how you are doing with all this...because you're not much different from me, even though my addict was my son.

For me, I got so caught up in what he was doing, what he thought, what he needed to do and what he struggled with...that I totally lost "me" in the process.

Don't do that, sweetie. You are worthy of a happy life filled with love and respect. With him or without him, you can have that, I promise...if you just take your focus off him and put it on you.

Hugs from one codie to another.

barblsn

Me too, with my AH. Don't listen to an addict when they're using. It's always lies.

kuljey

Im at work now...hes at my apartment. Worrying and complaining and moaning about what he needs...license for court. My sons dad is going to take my son away from me. He keeps yelling at me and around my daughter. My daughter is home and she is not doing good w/this.

I have to take some action..HELP!

laurie6781

Call the DV shelter in ABQ. This is definitely ABUSE. Not physical but just as damaging. The Shelter has folks that can help you in many ways, including showing you how to file a Temporary Protection (Restraining) order and get a date for a Permanent Protection (Restraining) order to remove him from the premises.

I am sure they can help you, especially since your son's dad is aware and concerned about the environment of his son. Especially because of what this is doing to your mental and emotional health and the mental and emotional health of your daughter.

Please make that call, they can help you get on the path to help you and your children.

Love and hugs,

riaerif

kuljey, you can leave. You can take your children and leave if that's what you choose to do.

I know it doesn't seem like that's an option. I know the idea of it is scary as heck.

I'm not telling you that you should do that, because I don't know you or your situation.

But in all of this, remember that is one of your many choices that you have to make.

But YOU have to make a choice. Staying is a choice, too. And despite what some people thought with me, that wasn't any easier than the choice to leave. I just didn't know the choice to leave was there for me to choose.

Good luck and I hope things get better.