kuljey

Im sick, sick, sick. Everything seemed ok. He was talking non stop about how he knows what to do, what he needs, how he can stay well. He asked if i could call into work, workin at night to make up for the time off to go see him graduate rehab. He has my daughters phone, kept in touch. At one point he wouldnt answer me.

We had reconnected pretty well. On same page! My daughter was very happy to have him home... he left almost right away when he got home. Was goin to drop his drums off at his friends (in his moms truck) and go pick up a truck his dad was givin him.

He stopped at his brothers and had a beer he said and was having bad cravings. Went to his friends house, and that was the last he answered my calls or texts! My brain is so full as it is...i was letting go of all that earlier baby mama drama...letting go of anxiety..... and willing to give it a chance. I felt the love for me today...i cant think...i even went home on break to see if maybe he was there.

I felt something was wrong. I cant even think of dealing w/this, but i CANT EVEN think of NOT. The sickness that is befalling on me is torture. I beg God will see the desire i have seen in his heart to be clean..i see those changed. I heard them. The way the ppl at rehab spoke of him.. was highly regarded (believe it or not.)

Wow... all i can say is wow! I want to just sleep.....

Ann

I'm sorry, I know how much it hurts when we get our hopes up and then they relapse.

About the 100th time my son relapsed, I began to see that I had no control over his addiction OR his recovery. I learned that I better take care of me because nobody else was about to.

For me, finding meetings was a Godsend, and having live support meant I could make a phone call and go for a coffee with someone safe to share with, instead of staying home worrying myself sick over something that triggered my obsessiveness.

If you have not yet been to any meetings, I highly recommend it. Meetings saved my life...literally.

Hugs

kuljey

Talk about obessing... one d*mn beer for Gods sake!?! I am so disappointed. After all that drama of questionin his love..and knowing that yes the good person underneath wants to still be there, be out..out in front is back.. he knew..knows..was soo ready.

............ sad............

Freedom1990

I'd suspect, as a recovering alcoholic myself, he was planning that beer long before he got out of rehab.

You deserve so much better. Please take care of yourself. :ghug :ghug

ItsmeAlice

Who's obsessing? You?? He's just out of rehab and he's drinking a beer and going MIA. Of course you're going to think the worst. Let's not expect Superwoman or Batgirl to suddenly take posession of our bodies and save the stupid from themselves. We're all human. You're working through it and that means everything.

So he's back? So he's positive and upbeat and focused on recovery? -Sigh- He's a big boy, he's going to do what he's going to do.

Trust is earned, he's not ready to take that on just yet and needs his energy to stay the course, so be it. He's feeling a rush of freedom at the moment. I suspect anyone just out rehab might.

Don't be sad - this is fresh water your treading right now. You've got to ride this out for now. Focus on staying sane and staying out of his recovery. Be supportive not smothering.

Stay strong.

Alice

kuljey

i am sure! geez.... so true

MycoolFitz

Talk and promises are cheap, not picking up is the real deal. I know it for a fact. Been there, done that, been there done that...It ain't happening till it happens and I can't tell you when its finally the real thing. I got out of rehab 68 daze ago and one day, one moment at a time I have no plans to go back or pick up a drink. You know, a drunk is going to do what a drunk is going to do and everyone else be damned, Its what we do. We all have gravings, thats part of the disease, but the picking up or not picking up, we own that. You need to figure out what you need to do for you. Don't jump into the ocean to save him if you don't know how to swim. Look all around you, high and low, you'll find no one more deserving anywhere of your love and care. And you are the only one you have control over.

"Accepting does not necessarily mean 'liking,' 'enjoying,' or 'condoning.' I can accept what is—and be determined to evolve from there. It is not acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck."
- Nathaniel Branden

Namaste

kuljey

--he had said on the LAST CALL he wanted more than that! and i am not even really thinking, mind is blank. and sad.. holy moly gajolies..im sad.

stay positive..hmmm... i dont even know how to right now. thank you so much for reminding me..i could smother very easily right now.

ItsmeAlice

I've had that feeling before. You want to run after him with a giant butterfly net and drag his butt back to safety. BUT, you didn't cause this, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It stinks to the core.

Now...enough about him...I know, I know your brain is spinning on maximum...but we've got to start somewhere...what do you need right now to get through the next five minutes, 10 minutes, 1 hour, or two?

Have you eaten? Are you drinking enough water? I'm serious, think about it. We forget the basic necessities when we hit the panic button. What about caffeine, you don't need anything to keep you buzzin' right now either, right? Who do you know that's good for a chat in the evenings? Someone who can keep you distracted?

Don't want to sit and spin all night....get your tools out and work through this.

We're here listening.

Alice

kuljey

he came back...5am. did meth.

Freedom1990

What is your plan now? Is this what you want for the rest of your life?

I hope you continue to post and know that you are among people who care here at SR.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

cassandra2

So sorry that you are going through this.

He just isnt done yet. No matter how many times they go to rehab or detox if they arent done they arent done. Its sad but so very true.

Good luck. Keep posting.

outtolunch

Sounds like he tasted that beer before he left rehab.