Nikki2003

AS you know I am in hiding from my Abusive AH. I moved into hiding while he was in jail in April. I have done everything I can to ensure that he could not find me. For my safety. Well I recieved an email from his girlfriend last night. The stuff in it is not shocking to me but she is obviously scared. She says that he almost got her kids taken away by social services, that he has been lieing to her and stealing from her. Boy does that sound familiar. That he yells and screams at her and her 4 kids when he doesn't get his way, that he tries to control her every move, That he is stalking me and knows where I live. Even lists my location. She states that she is scared of him and that she is scared that if he finds out she contacted me that he will hurt her and the kids. She kicked him out but he won't leave the property. This I understand completely because he would camp out in my driveway when he was kicked out. She begs me to contact her. I feel so bad for her and her children but I can't risk contacting her. Though I know exactly what she is going through. I have called the police though. THey sent an officer over for the email. And I hope they will send some police to her home to make sure she is safe. I also sent a copy of the email to my lawyer and to the social worker dealing with the case. That is all I can do. I hope she can get out of this situation before he can hurt her and her kids the way he hurt me and my kids.

The scary part is he has been so persistant in finding me. Up to 3 weeks ago he even called the police to try and get my address. And now somehow he has it. The police, my therapist, even the womens shelter have all told me that I should be very concerned. That his pattern is showing that he will try to get to me to hurt me. I am truely scared. The no contact order means nothing to him. He has broken through windows and doors to get to me before. I have no idea what I am suppose to do.

laurie6781

I am sorry that he is still stalking you and causing more trouble.

Please go to the DV shelter. They know the history, they can help you to relocate again if need be, put you in a place under a different name, etc.

How does the GF have your email address????

BTW you can be traced by your puter IP address. So be very very careful of who you contact and talk to through your computer.

You may really have to go 'into hiding' until this man is does something to put him in jail.

Not sure where you live but the DV shelter can help you. Everything, your phone, your utilities, where you live may have to be in someone else's name. This is rough for you I know, and I do understand your are fearful. This is good in a way as it will keep you alert.

I am glad you passed the email on to the appropriate people.

Unfortunately, there are some folks like your Ex and although I realize they are sick individuals, I also know they need to be 'locked up' for their own good as well as the safety of others.

Please, be VERY VERY careful.

I wish there was something else I could tell you to help you be safer. Have to think about it, and my days working in our DV shelter and some of the 'things' we did to protect our clients.

Love and hugs,

itisatruth

How awful! Why isn't this man still in jail?? I'm glad to read that you have taken actions to be safe but I agree with Laurie, don't take any chances, get yourself out of where you are now and to a safe place - whether the DV shelter or elsewhere. I hope the this guy is locked up again so all of you can be safe again. Please take good care of yourself and know my thoughts are with you ~ hugs, Rica

outtolunch

I am not getting the part where the current GF is contacting you about anything. How did she get your email address? Please do not respond to the email or make contact.

For all you know, he's pretending to be her or perhaps he put her up to it.

Nikki2003

I already said I did not and will not contact her. As for the email being from my husband I know he did not do it himself at least. My husband can barely spell or use proper grammer in writing. And his emails are only one or two lines because he gets so frustrated. Now the idea of them doing this together does make sense. The police thought of the same idea last night. Either way I am scared that he knows my address.

suki44883

From what you've said, you have every reason to be scared. So, get out of there. Go stay with a friend for a while. Call the DV shelter. Ask the police what your options are. Buy a big dog and keep it inside the house. Buy some pepper spray and keep it with you at all times. Do something! Please don't just sit there and wait for him to show up and do God only knows what! Protect yourself, PLEASE!

Freedom1990

I agree 100%.

Nikki2003

I already talked to one of their outreach workers this morning and another one will be calling me back shortly. They are preparing a room for me just in case. I already have a large dog. A white German Shepherd. And I have an upstairs neighour as well who always has his buddies over. He knows about the situation. The police let me know I am already doing all I can to keep myself safe. Though that does not make me feel any better. I jump at every noise now.

SoberAndy

Do you have a restraining order? I'm not a lawyer or an expert, but it seems to me you could request that any attempt to find out your address is prohibited and a violation of the order.

Sorry to say this, but you can get most addresses at sites like this for $50 or by just googling.

Go there and type in your name and city. Try putting in your phone number in the phone search. I don't know where they get their information. I suspect they get a lot of it from phone companies including cell phone providers. Best to have a PO Box or Mailboxes Etc. box and use that as your billing address.

Also, go to Google, put in your name and city and see what comes up. Put in your phone number too.


If your e-mail is a ***** or ***** account, he really can't trace you through that. An e-mail address like janedoe******.com can't be traced to an IP adress without a request from the police.

Nikki2003

THanks. Yes there is a no contact order. He is not supose to come within so many feet of my home or contact me in any way. Not even through a third party.

I just talked to my landlord. Whom I had already made aware of the situation earlier before he found me. And my landlord said he is going to try and find me a new place to live among his other rentals. I really like this landlord. He has no tolerance at all for a man who abuses women or children. I am keeping my fingers crossed that he can find me a new place soon.

RedTailHawk

Nik - I echo the advice here. My AH was violent as well and I know too well how you are feeling. It takes great courage and strength to do all you are doing. I just wanted to send you a hug and my support. You are getting great support and help from friends, from resources like the police and social services...even your landlord. Don't give up...stay safe...

Ann

Nikki, if this fellow is determined to find you, he will, especially if he knows your e-mail or phone number or where you work.

Shelters have good security and when you are sleeping someone is awake keeping watch. Maybe check in there for a short time to let your trail get cold, then move somewhere safe and tell nobody where you now live...especially not anyone who knows him.

Stay safe, nothing else matters if you are not safe.

Hugs

whereami

Maybe you could move in a roomie? Someone you trust who could stay with you for a little while, mom or aunt or someone just for a short time to help with safety and rent? I would buy a webcam and install it in the window and have it set on ch 3 on your tv too...also they sell some really powerful mace at the ammo store? Now this may be a bit much but I would also arrange some type of signal word that you could call on speed dial and have a relative know your address ahead of time that way they could send police if you were scared. If it were me I would have a relative or someone there for awhile just for peace of mind if it is that bad. Just ideas...

TrainWreckAgain

I would recommend against the pepper spray. Pepper spray is not especially effective against individuals who are intoxicated or high.

Nikki2003

I am so thankful for the guy upstairs. He knows about the situation so last night her invited over several of his buddies and they stayed up all night having a fire in the firepit in back and play frisbee and so on. I even hung out with them for a while. Very nice guys, just young. My dog loved playing frisbee and it was nice to be out of the house in the fresh air and feel safe. They are all crashed out upstairs now. I got to sleep through the night feeling safe. I plan to make them all a bunch of cookies. He and his friends love my baking. lol

ItsmeAlice

Cookies sound like a great gesture. To them it may just be another night hanging out, but to you, it means a good night's sleep. Priceless in my book.

When you said the guy upstairs at first I thought you meant your HP. In a way, I guess it was.


Alice

Wascally Wabbit

Nikki, theres a wonderful person here who went through what you did. Read some of her old posts.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...aaaaaaack.html

breakingfree88

nikki,
my heart goes out to you. I'm proud of you for your smart usage of every resource available to you. I had an abusive/stalkerish ex who finally gave up but it was very scary and never escalated to what you're experiencing now. stay safe!!!
love,
Holly

Hope87

You should purchase a gun. Hell, he brakes in and comes after you once and you injury him, he may never come back and if he does, then you'll never have to worry about him again. He is trespassing on your property and he is trying to harm you....you are just defending yourself....you have a right to that!

riaerif

I'll be the gun naysayer here, only because if you hesitate and he gets it, you'll wish you never had one.

But I know very little about guns so I am totally not an expert. I'd shoot my toe off trying to figure out how to turn the thing on... or make it useful... or whatever you do with them.

Anyway, it sounds like you're finding some great ways to stay safe and you're really using what's available, including the friendship of your neighbors.

Way to go and stay safe.