At My Breaking Point

Old 07-01-2009, 09:54 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Kimm992's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 94
At My Breaking Point

I just don't know what to do right now so I thought that maybe coming here and typing everything out might make me feel better.

My mom called me on Sunday (I haven't spoken to her in almost a year). She apologized for all the horrible things she said to me the last time we spoke and said she's been thinking a lot about my wedding. Then she said she needed a place to stay. I realized right then that she wasn't really sorry and didn't really care that I'm getting married in 2 months...she was just willing to say anything if it meant I might let her stay with me.

I told her she can't stay with me. I said if she wants to get clean I will take her to a detox facility but she can't stay with me. She of course just started denying that she has a drug problem. Then she said that she's homeless (she was calling from a motel) and that she's going to be on the streets and has to prostitute for money.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with this information. I know there is nothing I can do for her but I just feel so helpless doing nothing.

I got off the phone with her and she left me about 5 messages on Monday and Tuesday. She started saying, "I just want to say goodbye" as if she's going to die. So I called the police and told them I thought she was a suicide risk.

They sent police to the motel and I guess she must have convinced them she was fine because they didn't do anything.

She then left me 4 more messages since yesterday begging for my help and saying she just needs a place to stay for 2 weeks.

Tonight my little brother called me (he's 19 - so not that little but still little to me) and said that she called him saying that she's homeless and just wanted to call and say goodbye to him. He was really really upset.

I was furious so I called her at the motel and told her I was going to get a restraining order against her and have her arrested if she called again. She just screamed at me and hung up.

I don't know what to do right now. I wish there was something I could do but I know that there's nothing I can do for her. I feel so helpless and sad and angry and guilty all at one time. I feel like I'm so close to my breaking point that it scares me.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 07-02-2009, 02:34 AM
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Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
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Awww, Kimm, it hurts to watch our loved ones stay on the path of destruction, and as much as it hurts, you have done all the right things. Calling the police when she indicated she might harm herself, refusing to fall for her "just for 2 weeks" ruse, and most of all taking care of yourself no matter how poorly she is taking care of herself.

As I often say, WE are not their only option. WE are not even a good option because to live with active addiction doesn't help them, it just pulls us down with them.

She knows where help is, detox and rehabs can help her where you or your brother cannot. The Salvation Army program is free and very good. When she is ready, she will take a better path. In the meantime, protecting yourself from her calls and attempts to drag you in, is a good idea.

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Old 07-02-2009, 09:45 AM
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I read your post last night and didn't know what to say. I still don't. It reminded me how powerless we are over others and how painful that can be sometimes.

I hope you find serenity soon and your mother finds sobriety. You're in my prayers.
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Old 07-02-2009, 09:59 AM
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learning to live for me
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
I agree with Chino. It sounds like a really complicated and painful situation for you and I'm sorry that its you and your brother. It sounds like you did all the right things though. Try not to feel guilty..I know its hard but you're taking care of yourself and refusing to give your mom a safe place to fall. That was totally the right thing. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
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Old 07-02-2009, 10:12 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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When I am so sad because my addicts are miserable, what helps me is thinking that maybe this is the time their misery will drive them to recovery. This helps me to respond with compassion yet not do anything to ease their situation. I know that I can't make it all better & anything I can do may just prolong their misery.
It is hard, it hurts but I think this is the only sane and helpful attitude.
I might add that I've found they're usually exaggerating.
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