And it all falls apart..
 

so suddenly. I should have been suspicious when I got a collect call from my son Saturday afternoon. He claimed that he was out on a "peer trip" which is when the program allows a group to go out on their own for 12 hours, it's happened before.

What was unusual is that he asked for money. He said he only had 9 dollars which wasn't even enough for a movie and a snack and could I send it via Western Union. I said no primarily because I have too many bad memories associated with WU, lies and bad places. He understood and that was it. But it struck me as very strange.

Last night, Monday evening, my ex-wife called me. She usually talks to our son Mondays at the community where he lives and I talk to him on Thursdays. Bottom Line - when she called and asked for him a staff counselor got on the phone and said our son had left the program Saturday. There had been problems with drugs in the building and as a result a pee test was done on all residents. He, like many others came up dirty. He was given the option of starting the program over again which meant loss of all privileges he had earned in the four months he had been there, but he chose to leave.

So the lying begins again. This time while I am distressed it is not ripping out my heart and lungs, I've been through this too many times. I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it. While it's impossible to detach completely, I am working to detach with love. As we all know that doesn't mean that I'm not sitting here wondering where he is, what's he doing, what drug is he putting into his body.

I'll move on, but it hurts. Deep breath in...Deep breath out. Sending energy out to the universe for all those in trouble. :cries3:

:hug: HD. I'm really happy you didn't give him any money, good idea. I hope he turns it around soon. Sending positive thoughts your way :hug:

He's gained a lot while being there and he won't forget it.

I'm going to say prayers for all of your family. That God blesses all of you with His strength and you all find serenity, courage and wisdom.

I agree - he has the tools that he needs now, he just needs to put them to use. I'm so sorry relapse is so hard on everyone involved.

I am so sorry for your pain! You never know when the seed of recovery has been planted. I'll continue to keep him and you in my prayers.

:ghug :ghug

I pray that he will release what he just left and go back.

I'm sorry...You're right, just because we have some tools in our own recovery tool box, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Sending good thoughts and prayers out too that you find some comfort and that he finds his way back quickly.

(((Hurtingdad)))

First of all, huge hugs to you :Val004: Secondly, absolutely awesome on not giving him money.

I know this hurts, as has been mentioned above, the past 4 months haven't been wasted...the seeds of recovery have been planted. I certainly didn't get it right the first time, myself.

You're doing what my family did, and what helped me the most....loving him from a distance, and allowing him to feel the consequences. Those darned consequences are what got me every time!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Hmmm....i'll have to remember that phrase.....................

I'm sorry (((HD))). I know how it hurts.

******{hugs}}}}

Seeds have been planted ... it may take a while for them to grow. No matter what he did not leave the same person that went in. He will carry his box of tools where ever he goes.

Your in my thoughts and prayers,
Passion

I'm sorry too. He hasn't lost all he learned. It's rare that an addict gets well without a relapse. Unheard of actually. Recovery is a life long journey. Keep us posted and stay true to your boundaries. He will get it dad.

Oh man...I am so sorry to hear this. I follow your posts and was so hopefull that your AS finally found his way. I'm sorry HurtDad...and I will include your son in my prayers and your family in my prayers..

Relapse is so hard for those of us left behind. I didn't get it the first time either and yes, that seed has been planted. You never know when a beautiful flower will grow because of it.

Turn it all over to the Lord. He will do what's right - he knows more about this life than we do.

I will say a prayer for you and your son.

wow..big hug to you....must be really painful...my prayers for you.

Its so hard for us - we just start to get our hopes up and then slam. What i try to remember during all of these low times is that each place my son goes to and each consequence he faces is just one more step towards recovery. He may fall sometimes but each time he learns a little bit more and hopefully it will all add up to one day being clean. i dont look at any of his rehab, jail, or hospital stays as failures just as steps towards him having a healthy and happy life.

HD,

I am sorry for the bad news, you and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.

Joan

Hurting dad your story has helped me today realizing the total reckage that our using causes and how powerful this addition can be. The fact that they are in an environment to get help, came up dirty and when offered a chance to start all over or leave he choose to leave is stunning to me.

You see I am only 85 days sober and have a 10 year old son and he is getting to the point where he started noticing changes in my behavior when using and its not the legacy I want to have with my son.

By you sharing your story has hit home with me and made me realize yesterday is history, tommorrow is a mystery and TODAY is my PRESENT.

Thanks for sharing

Dear HD,
So sorry to hear the news. Hopefully he will have a moment of clarity and use the tools he has been given in rehab and by his loving family. Prayers and best wishes..

I am so sorry to hear this.

Both of you are in my prayers.